you are the single most difficult thing
i've ever had the curse of caring for

you're confusing and secretive and indecisive and insensitive
and the way you treat me, no one ever deserves to be treated

and at one point i fell hard
so so hard
yet i knew that they were just games
but why did it seem like i could never win?

it frustrated me like hell
because when i compete, i win
what the hell made you so special
that you could beat me in every single battle?
that i was willing to lose the war to you?

then i became angry
i wanted to take sweet revenge
my heart became cold
and it yearned to break yours

...or I thought it did

you're like that stray piece of hair
that never seems to stay where it should
you dont know where you stand in my life
yet you still barge in like you own it

and up to today i ask myself
why do i let you?

you are nothing great
you are nothing special
you are nothing
to me

and i know that i'm probably lying to myself
but you should know that although im a superwoman
whom you're stupid not to love
i'm getting tired too
and you, my kryptonite,
i will soon be immune to
because darling
i think i'm finally tired of loving you

daffodils and daisies and dandelions too
all in my garden of yellow, pink, red, and blue
in the midst of the colors, a lone rose stands out
its lack of color is what all go on about

the irony of how white projects more beauty
than purple dahlias or orange orchids, you see,
i have never really understood til today
color doesnt matter, the way they always say

now that it's gone i realize my great mistake
of failing to care for it, for letting it break
in my mind 'twas just always going to be there
it was a mere flower i had just learned to bear

but something always stopped me from having it torn
from my almost perfect lawn, every sunday morn
however small a place it had in my big heart,
i am glad to have given it at least a part

special, you may truly say, this rose really was
strong, beautiful, something you can surely trust
although it's gone, it will never be forgotten
it owns the fraction of my heart i cannot mend

give and take is what we know to be
the way to true happiness and peace
and we give and we give and we give
in the hopes that, from us
the rest of mankind will learn to do so too

but the world is a selfish place
filled with selfish people
who have selfish needs
and in the end
it is you who will learn from them

love... is a mystery
one day you're basking in the joys of a carefree life
then suddenly you cant move or think or breathe
because a single person takes over your entire being

how can one have that much power over something?
what happened to the power of freedom and will?

it feels like a war with yourself
except you don't know if you want to win or lose
you won't know whether you win or lose
because what is the definition of "winning"?
forcing your way into someone's heart and "gaining" their affection?
changing yourself to exceed someone's expectations of a "perfect person"?
but may i ask, is letting go really losing?

all logic aside, sometimes equations just can't be solved, 
no matter how much proof there is
i + i = 2i, but you're still stuck with that,
an imaginary number

and no matter how hard you work to solve the mystery of i,
all your hopes and dreams will be crushed in the end anyway
because some things are just not meant to be
some things are just meant to remain undiscovered
and perhaps if we're lucky,
someone who's destined for it will unravel its mystery, your mystery

just not me

a friend of mine once told me
of a way to remain independent and free
she said not to associate people with songs
unless you wish for nostalgia, lifelong

it’s too bad she told me too late
because it is only now that i can relate
at the time, it was absurd to assume
that i was actually dancing to my doom

you sang to me when i asked you to
my head on your chest, your heartbeat so true
the rest of the world didn’t matter to me
it was only you i could see

how stupid and naive i was
to give you so much trust
the start of something new, i thought,
was what this magnificent night brought

and every time i hear this song,
i remember our so long,
how we drifted slowly then all at once
and again i miss you tons

i thought i’d become crazy at first
now i’m convinced that i am cursed
everywhere i go i seem to hear
the song that brings me to tears

always, i hear your voice, so coarse,
singing the lyrics that mean i’ll be yours
and when the chorus hits, that’s my cue
i hum to the melody we danced to

though it’s over i always wonder
about me, do you ever ponder?
when you hear the music, what do you feel?
do you, too, miss me a great deal?

thoughts perpetually filled my head
and to this state of curiosity they have led
as the song played, i clung on to that hope
for a long time, it's what helped me cope

as i was about to sing the part of our duet
the music playlist suddenly reset
and that’s when i took it as a sign
to say goodbye, it was about time

until it plays again

you are the one person who knows me better than i know myself
because as much as i promised i'd keep my walls sturdy
you managed to get me to break them down myself
and as each day passes
not once do you cease to make me smile
so i could say that i fall in love a little more everyday
and it's so ironic how what you should know, you never will
but the rest of the world does, and all they can do is cheer from the sidelines
and hope that one day you'll open your eyes and see
how i've fallen so deep into your spell already
that i subconsciously guide you through the maze
that leads to the one secret i hold so dear

nowadays my mind has been all over the place
my feelings, uncertain, a never-ending daze
God only knows what really goes on inside me
i think what i truly need is to just be free

free from the pain and sorrow caused by the heartless
who have transformed composure into a plain mess
free from the pressure, judgment, insecurity
from this hell of what we call a society

free from the empty, lonesome nights, even mornings
such simple moments bring out the most painful stings
free from the anger, hatred, despise for people,
i fight the urge to let out when i feel so small

but through my late struggles, at last i've discovered
the one thing i must escape, the truth uncovered
i now know why it never really crossed my mind
the fear of blaming someone new has made me blind

what if theres nothing wrong with the world we live in,
the world many people fault to save their own skin?
i have learned from experience that to a degree,
i am not someone anyone would want to be

i fix and then i break, i start and then i stop
i jump right back down after climbing to the top
i write and erase; i remember and forget
but why do i always do something i'll regret?

to those i've hurt, take this as an apology,
a confession, or a chance to get to know me
the sole reason i always strive to do my best
is to hide my failures behind utter success

what we have now just isn't the same as it used to be
and i can't help but ask myself if there was ever a "we"
maybe you're just like everyone else who has broken me
because you've become the person you swore you'd never be
the one whom you yourself said didn't deserve me