If suicide is not a sin.
I might not be writing this now.

my
soul
is
dying
and
so
my
pictures
is
burning.

I'm laughing
I'm smiling
but no one knows
I'm dying inside
just to hide this
I can't hold it
and tears start to fall
and still trying to deny it
I'm fine
I'm okay
Don't worry
I'll be okay.

#fake #7246 #pain

I'm almost there
I don't know how
why, what I'm still going
I'm almost there
I'm not running
I'm not walking
But I'm still moving
and it's turning blur
all around feels painless
it's getting cold
I'm awake
and I'm drowning.
I'm almost there
don't cry
smile, please be happy
coz I'm almost there
and I'm Happy.

I am not ANGEL.
just hiding my DARK SOUL.

and if today is my last
i am still thankful,
and if today is my last
I will be free,
and if today is last
the pain will finally fade,
and if today is my last,
and if it's my last
please help the others, who have like mine.
I've fight for a long time, and until the last minute I try harder,
and I will try harder.

I am like one of your beautiful plants,
that you are taking care of every day ,
watering just to make sure it will not die,
cutting the dried leaf that's ugly to see,
talking even if its not responding.
you're watching it growing , and excited to bloom,
and suddenly it totally die,
and never give up, you do the cuttings procedure ,
never get tired to replant ,
it's because this is your happiness,
until it grows , some leaf are dried , but you're still there waiting ,
you almost give up , and one early morning unexpectedly the best felling and the most awaited moment had come ,
the morning that sun didn't shine , the rain never stop , but you we're there to see how beautiful i am,
i am bloom according to how you want me to bloom.

It will always be there.
Everyone can see it
But I guess
You are blind
To not see it.
-mxc

Can I say I'm T I R E D?
Can I say I'm F E D  U P?
Can I say I'm T O T A L L Y  D O N E?
Can I just D I E ?

Please I'm Breathing.
but I DIED long time ago.

Allow me to see you while you're here
In every moment that we are together
Please, just hold my hand.

Allow me to play with your hair
And just sleep to my shoulder
As long as we are still together.

Allow me to touch your face/nose
To feel every moment that you're still here
Even I will miss you for sure.

Allow me to look at your beautiful brown eyes
Even I know I'm just your temporary pretty little girl
In this lost paradise.

Kiss me deeper as you wanted
It makes me fall for you more and more
Even I knew it's just temporary.

Just be honest for whatever I ask,
Even I know it will hurt me so much,
Atleast I know the truth.

And let our fate play with us for awhile
For those laughter are real, for those kisses are passionate
and it's a memories that for keep forever.

Limited time that we have spend together
my love for you is genuine
Til we meet again, My Love <3.

life keeps challenging me
with the same situation,
either stay or let go.
time passes by,
and needed to rush,
most of the rush decisions fail.
but somethings worth it.
wake up early with tears falling,
thanks G. for giving me challenges.
Life give you hard options
but choose one to get another one next,
that's how life thought me,
maybe you need one for now, but look what is next in line,
you can see the other one that you really wanted.
Life never gets easy at first.

Knowing ME
is
Knowing what's in the DARK.

My fault that I was careless
To let someone hold my hand
And he will let go sooner as I know.

My fault that I was so open
To let someone come into my life
And He will walk out sooner as I know.

My fault that I softly get attached
To him as soon as I met him
And knowing that he will not be there always

My fault that I was so sad
Until I met him, and made him as my happiness
As he told me, I can be without him

My fault that I fall for him
And knowing that we have different world
And knowing that he’s not sure of me

My fault for being sad, being selfish, being ME.
And my fault for forgetting how happy I am before letting him come into my life.

My fault for loving someone
And not knowing that I am not yet fully loved
By myself.

And now I knew I lost myself before and even worst I lost my soul too.

nights that no one hears your scream,
only pillows that carries your falling tears,
only blanket that hugs you.
that you wish it's someone else.

1 day everything about me
will be erased.
and you will only have the last
moment that I smile
That captured by your naked eyes.

gabing hindi mapakali,
gustong humagolgol, ngunit walang luhang pumapatak,
sikip ng dibdib ay hindi maintindihan,
ilang kilometro na ang takbo ng isip,
ngunit ikaw lamang ang iniisip,
Papalayain na ba ang sarili?
o hahayaan nalang na magkusang mawala,
dahil nagmimistulang bangkay na at hindi na maramdaman ang muling umibig.
ang makita kang masaya na, ay akin ding kasiyahan,
mga katanungan ko'y hangang tanong nalang.
sinusubukang ngumiti tumawa ngunit, aking lamang pinaglalaruan ang aking sarili, dahil sa halip tuwa at saya ang aking maramdaman ay parang normal lang.
PAPALAYAIN NA AKING SARILI,
sa nakaraan nating ako lang ang nakakalam, na parang ako lang ang nakakaalala.
ito na nakakaramdam na pala ako ulit.
SAKIT pala ang aking nararamdaman, na ako'y napag iwanan na, na ako nalang ang nabubuhay sating nakaraan. TAKOT, na ako'y tuluyan mo na palang nakalimutan, TUWA na ikaw ay masayang masaya na, ngunit sana ang mga tanong gustong itanong saiyo, matuldukan na, pangamba ko lang ay hindi nanaman ito sagutin. pangamba ko din ay baka hindi mo na ako ituring na kahit parang kapatid lang, yon ay aking tanging hiling.
ngayon ay siguro panahon na para,
Palayain na aking SARILI,
ngayon luha na ngay bumuhos sa umagang gansa ng sikat ng araw,
at ngayon sa huling pagkakataon ipapadama sayo,
K. ikaw lang, mahal kita, minahal kita, at kung baliktarin man ang mundo at kung saan pwede na ang TAYO, K. mamahalain parin kita.
mahirap man sakin ngunit siguro ngay ito rin ang iyong inaantay ang,
Palayain na aking SARILI.

You feel your blanket hugging you so comfy
Blanket feel your tardiness and pain
You feel your pillow like resting in the cloud
Pillow feel your tears and restless playful mind and heavy heart.
Pillow x Blanket
Knows your secrets
Knows your anger
Knows your weakness
Knows your fears
Knows your pain
Knows your dream
Knows your happiness.

you cannot scape
in this world that
called MIND.

I stopped
I feel hopeless
I feel emptiness
I feel like its the end
Yeah I stopped
But Because
I wanna take away everything,
every thoughts, every pain, every tears that kept
I am tired of everything and for everyone,
I want to rest...
that's the point.
I want rest.
Stand & Fight again.

i don't know when it starts
i was just walking alone
and stop in the middle of the field
standing and watching you
asking what should i do
you are just far
i sat on the ground
i feel something good and happy
i don't even feel the pain
the reason why i am walking alone
and just thought that somehow
there will always be a feeling
a feeling that it keeps you safe
noone will hurt
that makes me feel to love you
love you every single day
even if you are the ending of the day
but everyday you always give a positive thought
that you are the prove that theres always be a beautiful ending.

#sunset #love #you #cannotbe #pain #positive

madaming tanong ngunit hindi maibigkas
maibigkas ng bibig dahil natatakot
na baka bukas wala ka na.
nananahimik ngunit may sinisigaw sa isip
Bakit? lagi nalang ba?
kailan mo pakakawalan?
hanggang kailan?
naka ngiti ngunit mag ingat ka
sigurado ka ba?
sigurado ka bang masaya ka?
bakit? ayaw mo ipakita na minsan
mahina ka
natatakot, natatakot ka na BAKA
walang makikinig sayo,
bakit nga ba? bakit?
dahil ba sa tingin mo nagdadrama ka lang.
Ngiting hindi mahahalata ang mga tandang patanong
ay tumatakbo sa isipan
mga maskara nakaipon sa pinto nag aabang
na pag ika'y lalabas at ito'y isusuot
hanggang kailan mo panghahawakang malakas ka
ngunit pag mag isa ka'y mahina ka na
hagulgol na parang bata ngunit patago
dahil ayaw magpahele
paano nga ba?
paano nga ba matitigil ang pagtakbo
ng mga tandang patanong sa isip na minsan
gusto ng isigaw
isa lang ang alam ko
mga tandang patanong
natatakot lang ipaalam
okay na, tama na,
hahayaan nalang
kimkimin ang mga tandang patanong.

Tear falls they can see it
Tear falls speaks everything
Tear falls like a rain it seems
Tear falls no one  understand it
Better if you die they will understand everything that they have seen why TEARS like a rain.

And I am a poem
Written in a black paper
With ink less pen
But no one try to read it.

But if anyone try to feel it, no need to read it.
And I don't want anybody to feel whatever i feel.

One wrong move
And you will die.

-my inner soul.

I need you
I can’t breathe without you

“When you make him your world”

***