today i decided to look at nature
accept the hot and humid temperature
with my jacket, plain as always
i succumb to the calming melodies
apparitions destroying the futile soil
put to countless decoys
climbing up my sorry deceit

flowing gusts of air fill my lungs with
new inspiration
as the trees thistle and leaves crinkle
i sit down and look at the ants being blown off

there was an awkward moment when
i stood and faced my sins in the face
there i was, stood idle, left to rust

the sun makes my uncomfortable
with a comforter beside me
a bag filled with my incentives

my evening glistens

The mountains of glory block the sun's rays
from lighting the aftermath
of a stormy situation
that wreaks the emotions of the weak
Death has taken his toll
and souls of the decapitated roam free
as the earth rumbles and spits fire
while the wind hustles and spins
Engulfing everything in sight,
the nigh apocalypse commenced.

Leaves rustle, trees begin to brittle.
Little by little shall the earth be acquittal.
The end was near,
The end is here.

i retain the troublesome mind
i retain the honest soul
i destruct joy of all means
yet i find clarity with loathe
my envy as companion
and eyes as witness
to many dangers
and rancid crime
i retain
retain
less wonders as time eludes
no longer clean; i suffice
the horrid horrors
nightmares, terrors
at world's end
shall stop i pretend
as soul is broke
and humanity cracks

i never thought it come to this,
all of you; each one of you betrayed me
stabbed my godforsaken back
was it my fault, what did i do?
did i wreck your lives?
did i steal your trust?
did i fake my sincerity?
was all of this fake?
why did you do this to me?
i never thought it would come to this
but all of you talked about me and
i feel the abyss of nothingness
tempting me to dive inside
and now i have no purpose
because you were the only ones i had
and now i shall not trust anyone
what did i do?
i feel
nothing

i died

i can see that the sun arose
after the creaking of earth,
light enters my room
after a diligent pose;
and i still wonder if
there is a saviour
for it will only appose
the offended and prideful

avarice we perceive; dissipates  
as light touches earth
as virtue replaces sin
the midnight heroes run to help
the wallowing poverty down beneath
while apathy slowly falls into
a slight daze
the break of dawn fills me with haze

i don't know what to do,
i have just ended my life,
hope was never here, at home,
i never thought this would've scarred me;
this hard,
ouch that hurt,
you hurt me forever and there is no remedy
to the tragedy you've created,
just leave me alone, let me die,
******* die, with no one to help,
i don't know anymore,
i want to name you, but i can't,
thank you for this plague, nothing worse;
than this.

Is there something waiting for me?
Because everybody knows I'm missing,
Each effort, gone and lost,
Until I remember my loneliness,
Wasn't this what I wanted?
I fill myself with regret, every single sip,
As I lay down on a bed,
Agonised and prosaic,
Watching through a screen, white light,
Scrolling down, tears abrupt,
Should I notice the uneventful latter?
Of people that unintentionally empathise,
I, the melting melancholic maniac,
They care and look out for.

A phobia, too frightening and aghast,
I hold in secret locked inside,
A fear of sociality, interaction, discussions,
I decide to bury within.

All I wanted to be was adored,
But my pupils dilate as they appear,
I never think of compassion and love,
I abhor and think it is fake,
It ruins me, every single emotion,
Is that why you decided to discard the past?
So you can forget the meaning of love,
But we are alike and the same,
But you ripped the hope out of my mind,
And I will hate you ever since,
And will pay for the crime of sin.

My eyes, they lie;
an awful lie they tell,
My brain trembles;
by this sinful spell.

My mind, it splits;
bipolarity and depression,
My teeth plaques;
from witty perception.

Let my sight be blinded;
by love whom existed none,
Hell awaites my hollow chasm;
my life pointed by a gun.