Before I met you I could breathe on my own
Yet now, everytime you look away
My throat starts to close
And my breath is trapped in my lungs

Before I met you I could stand on my own two feet
Yet now, everytime you leave me
My spine begins to crumble
And I end up sprawled across my bedroom floor

Before I met you I felt ok for the first time in my life
Yet now, everytime you ignore me
My heart longs to stop beating
And I wish I could go back to a time when you weren't the only thing on my mind

Between us there's this ticking bomb
As my insides are set on fire
And I choke on all these words
The tension is so suffocating
I feel like Im being buried alive.
My world has turned apocolyptic
Each and everyday is a fight to survive
While you just stand there...
A glazed over gaze...
Unaware of what you have done...
Or maybe just oblivious by choice....
But I can feel the timer running out
And I swear to god
That if I become a casualty,
If I am caught in the blast zone
I'm taking you down with me.

I could write love poems for days
Yet not once have I been in love
(With someone else that is)
I could write a book of sonnets
With no one to recite them to
(Except to myself of course)
I can preach about the danger in our love
And the joys in our heartache
Because I am a Narcissist who hates myself
I am an utmost contradiction
An antithesis, an oxymoron
(or maybe just a ***** full stop)
Either way I have loved myself
The way the moon loved the sun
And yet I've destroyed myself
The way Mt Visuvius destroyed pompeii
Relentless, and still gentle,
A beautifully tragic mess.
Self love turns to self hate
With the flip of a switch of my bedroom lights
Light turns to dark
And I turn into my own worst nightmare
Becoming my own demons
And when morning comes
And I'm so bloodied and bruised,
Ill nurse my broken body tenderly
Reviving my former self
I'll look in the mirror and see
The only friend, the only lover, the only person
That has ever stayed
And i'll remember why I love who I am
And how I am strong,
Stronger than my demons,
Than my own thoughts ,
And stronger than myself.

Sunday morning coffee
Old books and ***** snow
I don't believe in angels
I don't believe in angels
I don't believe in faith
Because roses can be mistaken for weeds
And the devil can be mistaken for human
But honey, last night I watched while heavens collided in your eyes

I want to be a supernova
An explosion of stars so big
So magnificent
That no one dare look away

But I am not that special
I am less than ordinary
I am a blackhole
A void in space
Empty of stars
Empty of emotions
Empty of words

We grew up together
Two peas in pod
You were my sidekick and I was yours
My one true platonic soulmate

So how did I let this happen?
How did I not know what was
Happening behind the four walls of your mind.
Behind the baggy sweaters that
Were suddenly "fashionable" all year round.

But if I think back carefully
Maybe I didn't miss it
Maybe I just ignored it

Ignored how when you got back from your
Summer in France the snug hoodie I gave you
Was no longer very snug
But rather hung like an ornament
On the thin frame of your body

Or how your legs began to resemble sticks
With a thigh gap most girls would die for.
Maybe I should have known the first time
You refused to eat your favourite ice cream
(chocolate mint chip) because calories!

When you told me you were in hospital
You said you were sick
But not in the way I thought you were
Because you didn't have chicken pox
Or pneumonia or bronchitis
You were sick in way that was much more twisted
You had a sickness of the mind
One that toyed with your thoughts
And messed with your sense
Until your body was wasting away.

I must admit at first I was angry
Because how could you keep this from me
I was your best friend and
You never told me your biggest secret
However then I was shocked
I could not understand
how you were in so much pain
And yet I did not know.
How had I cried for months
Proclaiming pain and suffering
That I believed no one could relate too
And yet here you were
Silently proclaiming the exact pain .

The day we met...
They were the water
surrounding an exotic island.
They were calm and peaceful,
sparkling in the sun.
I swam with leisure.

The day we fought...
They were the sea
before a storm.
Swirling currents
chilled me to the bone.
I struggled against the current.

The day he left...
It was like a hurricane hit
our once peaceful beach.
The waves were wild.
They flashed with lightning.
I finally drown.