The way he walks
His smile
And his complete look.

Drives me absolutely nuts.

The way you turn red,
The way you blush.

I have to know, do you ever think of me too?
I think I've caught you staring across the room.
But it's hard to tell, with all these rules and layers built up.

Please give me a sign, if you see a spark in me, if there could ever be an us.

As of right now, to you;
I'm just another employee.

And To all reading this,
Wish me luck.

I have my heart wrapped around something forbidden
My eyes set on a cloud I can see but not touch.

I can't help it, mister.
you are the one I adore.

The one I yearn to touch.
I do hope, this won't become too much.

I'll leave my hat
My shoes
And My scarf
That you adored

I'll leave my house
My rings
And my jewelry.
That I always wore.

I'll leave my paintings
That you said were dumb.
I'll leave all my little charms
That I said were good luck.

You can have it all

But I'm taking my heart,
Out the door

Cause that
Is mine
And mine
To take

You can't have my love
Not anymore

So Farewell
Farwell to you

And to me
The one you once knew.

The thoughts
They flow like an open road
Never do i know
Where they are going to go.

My heart,
Reaching out and soaked

Me,
I’ve wrote and i’ve wrote

But i’m not sure
What i can say to save us
Anymore.

My arms are locked up
I'm waiting for the tide to come in,
For the same wave to wash me out
and slam me back against that edged rock
Again and again.

How many times before i realize;
I can't swim in this.
This water is poison.

My lungs are being filled with water
And I'm gasping for air
Hoping the love I thought we had
Would be there
To save us
From this awful nightmare.

I said, Crying in despair.

What a sappy ending
But life isn't fair.

It hurts more to hold on,
Than to let go.
So I'll Just keep on walkin',
Down that road.

As the day seems to fade,
My numbness does too.
All the darkness comes to surface

Hello, hi.
Remember me?
I’m Miss blue,
hiding in the corner of the room.

Did you miss me?
You know, I missed you.

The giggles evaporated to knives
Now all pointed at me
They cry of piercing noises in my ears

Cruel words is all i can hear
Convincing that this is me.

The whispers in the back of the room,
now screeching, like nails on chalkboards
Expressing what they want me to believe.

Here comes the feeling, I know all too well.
Not being able to breathe.
Throwing my pennies in the wishing well,
Wishing for love
Wishing not to feel’

Once again, a new perspective pushes through.
Everything is always changing, therefore these times will fade too.
So for I know,
this feeling, won’t always be stuck to me
Like glue.

But then I wonder,
Do normal people fantasize about their funeral too?
Sweet whispers of a beautiful tragic, spread through the room, “Gone too soon.”
Or “ I wish I would have knew”
Better cut those thoughts,
Before they consume you.

Nights like these, familiar in taste.
Unpredictable
And lonely in soul.
Screaming in spirit, for a place called home.
Uncontrollable emotions. Release it all.

Cry on the floor, if that’s what you need to do.
Just know, your spirit will rise through,
Your soul will be cleansed once the storm is over
And your eyes will see anew.

You will see past the old truth that you once knew
From a different perspective;
Yet the same point of view

Crying so much, my eyes start to bleed.
And they plead;
For love, for warmth.
For eyes that I adore.

Somewhere this must exist,
Far away from here.
Or maybe I can find it
Residing within myself.

We create our own kind of hell
or permanent bliss.
It depends on which you want to hear.

Well i’ll start with this,

Here comes the reaching upward of the soul

I hope you will believe, even as the light turns to dusk

The same light that shines from the sun
And illuminates the moon
Exists within you, too.

The magic starts with this ☆
Right now, right here
In this mirror

It’s hard to tell
To trust my mind
Or my heart

I’m tired of falling apart.

So instead i’m spinning in circles
Waiting and waiting
for the change to happen

I have tears in my eyes
And I don’t know why

It’s how i feel inside.
It’s how i go to hide
when i really want to shine.
It’s how i  turn shy
when i want to sing,
because i’m scared of what the others would think..

All i want to do is live
But I’m stuck behind a cage.
And I’ve trapped myself,
Now all I want is out of this personal hell.

I don’t want to fade.

It’s how my mother died,
It’s how my father disappeared
And now he hides

He’s a coward.
But i guess so am I.

Now i’m here, to face life alone
Until our Creator
Calls me at the higher throne.

I hope i at least find love in this lifetime.
Or at least
myself
-k.c.

I crave
The smell of old books,
The aroma of coffee shops,
The touch of the rain
And the feel of the sun on my face

Deep conversations
About the meaning of our purpose
Discovering ourselves
Uncovering ourselves
From all our disguises
And fake faces

I want the truth
The feeling of true connection,
with compassionate eyes
That understand mine.

The feeling of the earth
With my bare feet

I will open up and tear myself apart
Pour myself over
Like a cup of tea
To find my sweet.

It will be worth it

If i write a poem
Every night
Will i feel alright
When each day
Restarts

Each time,
It gets a little easier
To deal with the pain
To smile it away

Buried and buried away
In treasures and chests,
Lays a pool of each and every tear
I’ve shed.

Kept in jars, Each tear
With a story,
A name,
And a face
That I've forced myself to forget.

They are kept away
with a padlock at the door
That says never let anyone in again.

Long walks into the night,
Writing my heart out
And reading for hours on end

I’ve transformed my pain,
Into something good.
In hopes of it going away

Building a new me
With each new step i take.

It hurts too much to remember,
So i choose to forget.

But the old me still resides,
She sleeps in the hole in my chest.
That's been patched up with bandages
Over and over again.

Her pain doesn’t subside,
She's made herself a bed.
I can still feel her cries,
When i lay to rest.

How she yearns to be loved,
And she’s only ten.

I will be her guardian,
Comfort her pain,
Fight her demons away

Finding reason to make her smile,
Day, by day.
Until I am called, at my fate.

The end.

-k.c  4/6/19