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Kayla Chappell Nov 2019
Out of breathe

Snot on my sleeves
Swollen eyes

When I'm all done
I'll put some makeup on
And no one will know

The smile I put on
is just a show.

It's my new look
Crying eyes and despise
Put some lipstick on,
Just say you're fine.
Smile through the day.
Fake it til you make it,
They say it'll all be okay,
We lie and tell ourselves it's fate.

Whatever helps us sleep better at night
But too many of us don't put up a fight

Now is the time.
To let your truth be heard,
Let your cry roar.

How one moment can you make me feel so special
And the next like,
I never even mattered

Maybe I was only a speck In your Galaxy
But you were my whole night sky.

I would love to forget,
But my heart will not let up.

My heart wants to hold on
Like you are my home
While my mind says
Dummy, let him go.
Throw him to the wolves.

And you know they will devour you
They've been waiting
And I've been watching.

So until then,

Crying eyes and despise
Anxious thoughts and WHY'S.
Messy hair and I don't cares.
  is how I'll be,
Until I can overcome
What happened here.
Kayla Chappell Oct 2019
I expected you to bring me flowers

but all I got was a two page text

explaining how you and me can't be.

A week later and there's
no new messages
and dead crickets
where I once thought
the roses might be.

Now I have
Insecure thoughts,
wondering who you spend your time with
and restless nights.

welcome to
my new life.
you me roses flowers dead crickets
Kayla Chappell Oct 2019
A man who’s not ready to commit
Will always find a way
To make you feel not good enough

With an empty
Aching heart

That just wants to be loved
And understood
From the start.

My intent is so pure.

But with each piece of love i give away
I don’t think
It gets returned
Back to my heart.

How do i feel so hollow
My chest like a drum

Yet filled with passion
And sadness
To my very core.

I’m a balloon filled with water
I’m a volcano ready to burst

I have let the poison of my own thoughts travel to my heart.
They build until i explode
I will burst, and fall apart
But once the mess is over

My tears fall like a river
they will cleanse the scars within
And now I can smile into the fire that you once burned me with
And walk away with just a scar

And Now, i am free
Free to restart again.
Free to be
My own friend. - k.c. 10/27/19
When you're in love with a guy who clearly wants to still " explore " when he's almost 40. I have so much to give, I had so much I was willing to sacrifice. But with his message,  I feel like I was never enough. I get excuses of age gaps and "logical" reasoning, but I know deep down, he could never like me enough. What was the point of playing pretend..
now I ask, how do you not look in the mirror and ask
am i not pretty enough
am i not smart enough
what can i do to be enough
for him.

broken heart, broken thoughts.
i'm so tired of falling apart.
I wonder if I ever will heal and rise
from all that's damaged my heart.
Kayla Chappell Sep 2019
Dear Nicotine

Why do I feel like I need you

Like the air that I breathe.

You feel as good as oxygen


You are slowly killing me
I hate that I love you
Kayla Chappell Sep 2019
You may not get him
But at least you get you

Love yourself
Each and every bit

It doesn't matter
What he thinks

You are worth it
You deserve
Every last drop of
All the love
That you give.

Kayla Chappell Sep 2019
I have food in my belly
A roof over my head
And thoughts that keep me spinning

I have a grandma who loves me
A cousin who looks up to me
A cat and a dog
That have so much warmth to give.

But All I can think
Is how there's a chance
That you don't love me

Every 7am
I check my phone
Hoping there's a message from you

How far down the line does this go
Is it mutual
Even a bit
Even at all?

But my hope is too strong
My faith isn't giving up
On the possibility of meeting your core.

I'm hard headed
And passionate to the bone.

I'm silly
And I'm serious

I'm goofy
And ****

I'm a paradox
Wrapped in skin.

You haven't figured me out
As I'm unraveling more so
Each and every breathe I take.

Discovering the magic in my fingertips
The power of my voice
And the strength in my dance.

I'm a warrior woman
A goddess who will always strive
When I'm weak and shaky
Even when it's hard to get up

A goddess will always strive
Even with warm tears
In her eyes.

If the girl over there has you distracted
With her big eyelashes and flirtatious flare

I hope it's worth it,
Cause it cuts my wounded heart.
To know you didn't even try to understand

My eyes.
My tries.

Take a look deeper,
Take a look inside..

I may be fallen now.
But I will rise.

  Sep 2019 Kayla Chappell
I swear I’m not a love poet but

loving you
makes me scared of dying .

I know what it’s all about now,
I get why the sun rises
and the moon sets.
I understand why the stars shine
and the birds chirp.
I get why the heart beats
and the lungs breathe.

I get it now,
why I’m alive.
loving you is the only thing I feel good at .
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