They speak with such hostility towards my goals
But they're just simply non believers
I stand on top of my sentences with promise and I don't play games
Despite me having a hard time speaking
I come off as slow but I'm simply moving too fast
For someone who is in complete denial of what I have to say
I take pity on those I have hurt
Because I wish I was able to be the only one who was hurt
Too many scratches inside my soul
The Angels couldn't recruit me to protect their threshold until I healed my wounds
But the heart resides and looks for shelter
Two actions at once
I'm a man trying to revert the dagger that I didn't see coming
This blockade of sadness is forthcoming
I must subsidize my qualms and dry my palms
I have too much soot on my hands
I must clean myself before I can be transparent again

I wish I had a reason on why I stay up all night
Like a lover by my side and our endless goodbyes
If only I had closed my eyes and called it a night
Instead of spending so much time staring at blank spaces and blinding lights
Computer screens that give me headaches in return for relief
And non-existent people I look up to and believe
I wish I had someone I loved by my side
Instead of my arms wrapped in scars and pulses that I thought will always keep me alive
I wish I had someone who made me crave for love
Instead of this annoying anticipation for death and giving up
And the urge to cut and mutilate for the sake of a friend
Who helped build me up until I could be ready for my death bed

I wish I had a reason on why I stay up all night
Instead of these thoughts that course through my body and veins
Preparing and hoping that maybe, today will be that day

n.j.

I wake up in the morning
Eating my favourite cereal and watching my favourite TV show
You're still in the back of my mind

I get in the shower
The warm water on my cold body feels so good
I close my eyes and let the water drizzle on my face
You're still in the back of my mind

Need to write my essay
Need to write my essay
Need to write my essay
I am stressing over school work
And thinking about a captivating way to start my essay
But you're still in the back of my mind

I'm with friends at a party
Finally a break from school and stress
Having a great time
Eating food, taking a couple of shots of *****
Laughing my little *** off
You're still in the back of my mind

Where ever I am
Whatever I do
No matter how busy I am
I'm always ******* thinking about you
And truthfully
I hate it
I don't want to think about you
Thoughts of you make me so sad
I miss you
But you're no good for me
And we cannot be

Am I going to make it?
broken, beaten, burnt, and blamed
can't breathe, can't speak, can't be–
Don't look pretty lover; drowning in life isn't a sight to see
Even when I thought I could be your strength,
Failure swarmed all over my body
"Give it up, go away" the voices whisper
Hell is a place on Earth and the demons cry out for me
I am weak; no one would disagree
Just take me already, no more waiting in this ****** misery
Kiss of death at my doorstep,
"Let me in, let it all go" the voices deepen
Maybe it was meant to be like this
No fairy tales, no happy endings, nothingness
Only your nightmares becoming reality
Pain surging through your body; the black blood dries along your face
Quit, I don't want any of this...
Realizing I am the demon- my mind, my body, my everything
Stinging stupidity- the evil lies within myself, clawing to get out
Though, it's too late, time is up
Up and underway, I was in too deep
Vicious and vengeance piercing through my black covered eyes
What am I? Who am I?
Xanax in my stream, in my pulse, in my heart
Yet reaching the end, hearing the beeps drop to zero—
Zero.

It's sad to me,
That I have to depend on a little pill,
To be my happiness.
I have to depend on a little pill,
To take away all my pain.

I wish I could find the strength within,
To be happy on my own,
But I can't..
I'm too weak..
I'm too broken..

So instead I wake up every morning,
Take two of my happy pills,
And go on with my day.
But deep down inside,
It hurts me..

It hurts me that I can't be happy on my own,
It hurts me that I'm being punished,
For having something I never asked for.
For becoming someone I never asked to be.

All everyone wants,
Is to be happy..
But this isn't the way I wanted it to be.
At least not for me..

in the end,
no one
fell in love
with her -
so she
fell in love
with her
sadness.

You made me feel like such a **** child and every attempt I made to hold your hand, you shook off and ignored until it was convenient for you.

Everything was so infantile to you. You had already reached goals I set for myself and you were bored. "Small" was synonymous with my dreams in your book.

Maybe I was naive, but you're rigid attitude towards me has taught me how to shed those jejune fantasies and keep everyone I meet at arms length.

I see no point in these frivolous feelings that used to steer me into shipwrecks. I'm too busy drinking bleach to **** these butterflies to answer your calls.