i dont feel like
jumping in front of cars
anymore, at least not
yet, i put my
flaws on hold
to feel 15 again.

i go for a
walk along a
path ive taken
before, many
times even.
i am new
but there is
old blood
in these veigns
that hide deep.

i dont feel like
jumping in front of cars
anymore. i still
remember the
thought, the feeling.
sometimes that can be
enough.

i am in debt to
peace and i owe it
more
than i have.
but its taken
too long to break
even. i scored
no points
and tied the game
still.

you can only see orion
in winter
she says.
i make pretend.
if minds are swords
than i am dull twice over
and she is
battle ready.

i cook a meal
so tender in
the moment.
when it ends i will
crash back
to the bottom
i know.

i get a little
too personal by the fire.
id love to say
i dont care
and mean it,
but that would
be a load of ****.
i am a ***** for
validation i will pay
you for it.

orion died for
sagittarius.
what a beautiful
way to go.

i hope to one day
find love so strong
that i see the streets
as pavement. and not
the spaces around
my shoes.

id love to tell you
all about the mountains,
but the truth is
i dont care.
not yet anyway.
a mountain is just
something else
i cant enjoy on my own.

leave a knife
in your thigh and
try to write about
anything else.

until real love
hits me like a hook
to the nose
ill live in hopes quicksand.
sinking with a smile.

god must be broken
if were made in his image.
i crack the mirror.

let us reconcile
in the moment,
for a moment.
the tiniest
of tensions are so
malleable to the parts of
me that know im
not worthy.

i fixate on a star
to the point that
if i stare long enough
i dont see the others
and it will dance
through a clear sky
like it could breath.

no one is ready for
my sweater. i work to
give but have yet to
pull sword from stone.
either i am not worthy
or i am not ready, but
defeat always feels
the same.

i see a real miracle
over and over.
things have never felt
so futile.
a star will crash
into the earth
and i will never
hold a sword.

it's the greens and golds
that always **** me.

it has been
a long day.
and i am ready
to grieve.

it will rain in toronto
it will rain in new york.
we can feel it
in our hearts
we can
drown together,

i am drunk and clumsy
but full of
hope for the future
and disdain for the present.

it is no gift
if its gone
by the time i
soak it in.