Save the words that you don't mean,
like holding back water that begs to explode in laughter
from your lips.

Save the hurts from which you cannot be redeemed,
You'll regret the unforeseen things you can't control
if you let them slip.

One day you'll be fine and serene.
Yet the moment "Sleeping" hits you at 4:44
you will be fine no more. No, you'll be a mess.

Friend, sadness does not stay at bay.
Regret doesn't live forever, either.
but one day...
One of them will stay. Though you'll choose neither.

You'll sit with it instead of the one you love.
And you can't hug regret, for it's not the same stuff
that you are made of.

And we're not supposed to live this way,
I've been doing a **** fine job. But when
I picture your face...
and the life we planned to have...
I just feel robbed.

But I know it is my own doing. A path I chose that got me here.
And just know it is myself I was *******, to be without your love oh, my dear.

It's a better life I'm pursuing. Free of fighting...free of tears.
And I know that's both of our doing...
Both of us that got me here.

God can take all the credit for what I'm doing,
and I hope he's helping you the same.
You were the brightest part of my life,
until unto Jesus my soul came.

I like to sew little seeds of
love and faith, where I go.

I like to demonstrate how to believe,
so one day I may hear word that their hearts know.

The goodness, the love, the blessings
WILL BE!
If only you let go...

God is waiting, and ready to receive!
Those who were once stained,
he sees clean and pure like snow.

Though I walk through valleys of shadow.
Though I tear up and cry out,
I fear not the troubles of this world.
For a life I have committed to Him.
And everything that goes along with it.

This is a link to my campaign. I am writer, I have written a play geared towards social change. I have a self-esteem workshop I teach in conjunction with the play. We are 16 days away from the show happening and so much still has to be done! Including raising the funding! Please share this if you know someone willing to help!

http://igg.me/at/7HPrm4thiKw/x/10270964

If you suffer the struggle
as I have in the past, of being a bit rude
or showing your- you get the picture.

Bit your lip instead! Say a prayer,
with humbleness take a knee,
bow your head.
There is no desire too large,
or feeling too strong.
To lead you into what your
heart knows is wrong.

If you are tempted by truth,
or something more evil.
Remember inside that we're all
God's people! We all struggle
together, and we struggle the same.
And I hope this poem reaches you,
even though the rhyme scheme is lame!

"We are in the same boat with the One whom even the winds and the sea obey."
I will remember this for all of my days.
I will cling to Him when I want to run away.
For there is no danger to come near me,
in which the Lord would not stay.

Everything in my universe keeps tells me to erase you.
Like an interception, in the form of a phone call
From a minister just before I began writing this.
And I've considered it, tried to...but I keep getting rid of it, that idea.
I could never erase you...even if the desire were truly there.
I have been so dedicated to God lately, every second has been
like open dialogue. Where I'm babbling on to Him like I used
to do to you. I wonder if I haven't been using Him as a distraction,
like I also used to do to you. But that is neither real nor a bad thing. Just a thing I think, I guess.

So they keep telling me to erase you. Teachers, mentors, pastors,
friends, spiritual mothers, and sometimes strangers.
It just makes me feel alone mostly. How could they understand at all
if that's their conclusion? But I guess they see things through better eyes
than mine. After all, my eyes are what caused all this trouble for you and I. I mull what they say over. I really have had a good time, I promise...But there is always this thing. Snapping me back into the world that I exist in...the world you no longer exist in...Like a parachute giving me whiplash when I was floating along beautifully without it.
It's a thing like the sheet music to "What A Wonderful World" appearing out of thin air. Or pulling in to church to find you right there. And I run from these things! Hold them close...shove them in the closet under piles of things I no longer use. But they always surface.
Like someone telling me the first time I meet them about Rebecca's cheek bones. Or Don Draper's face, which I swear will be yours in about ten years or so. Even a dinner with friends can't make you disappear because inevitably they'll ask me about you at some point. Or someone won't know you've gone away. Or I'll walk through the woods...after traveling by boat, after smiling until my heart explodes to hear a whisper on the wind...of your voice. But I can't complain.
Twould be far worse a fate to suffer never hearing, seeing, thinking, or dreaming of you again.

There is such an absence of life being spoken into the world.
On this website,
In real life,
What am I to do? I'm just one girl...
But that thought, in itself, is an absence of life.
Because I AM one girl, but I can change the world if I like.

I can't stand to read " I am nothing without you" or lies such as these.
I wish I could open all of your eyes,
speech like this is a disease!
You HAVE to love yourself!
Do it for YOU! Can't you see?
I love you...whoever you are.
And so does God, so much that he let man ****** his only son.
You are someone even without the love of that special someone!
So much so that this thing you are reading had to be done!
Because I feel guilty writing about the grief and sadness I am trying desperately not to feed because I lost my love I regarded as the one.
It is okay and will always be okay!
There is never anything that could be done,
to make God turn away from loving you!
Remember this as much as you are touched by the rays of the sun.

“You just need to know this is the first time I’ve ever done this without looking for an exit row.
And I’m pretty sure my seat can’t float but I’ve already fallen from the sky for you,
Already said no to the parachute,
Already told my mother you curse like a sailor and you love like the war is finally over and you have just come home and you are running down the dock in the harbor and you’re screaming my name.
You’re screaming “honey”
and I’m screaming “don’t trip”
and you’re screaming “honey honey”
and I’m screaming “baby don’t fall down”
I am running for your red lips
I am running for your red heart
With my red heart
Red as a Mississippi sunset
Honey”

Oh, I forgive...
who we once were,
who I was to you,
and for the heartbreak I made you give.

Oh, I have forgiven.
The sins of the past.
I promise I'm no longer living,
Jesus, a life like that.

Oh, I will forgive.
Again, everything that comes to past.
And I promise should  I meet you in the future,
only love will last.

There's a common lie in this society
They're dying to get you to believe.
That you cannot be all alone,
that just YOU is not all you need.

But there is truth in Jesus Christ,
open your mind, ye shall see.
How so ever it should happen,
we are just meant to **be.

Here I lie, to write again.
It is so easy, my friends,
to write of agony and of the end.
But it is much harder to soldier on,
to begin again.

I rest easy in the breezes of wind.
I don't ask why, as often
and I try not to pretend.
That there is a rhyme to each question of when,
but face honestly a blow that has been softened
by the presence of Spirit
and absence of skin.

I heard you had asked about me,
been asking these friends of mine.
And at first- now don't doubt me,
but the thought had crossed my mind.
This means nothing to me,
and if you cared you'd call!
A thought so untrue and gloomy,
for it is special that you'd care at all!
It is love, that gesture of asking.
And I know this because God sent me a sign.
One wing in the sky, one wing on the ground-
And this was not the only time.
For an attitude of an ungracious heart I once bore,
Making all the riches of your love seem poor.
Dismissing anything that didn't fulfill my fantasies,
I never gave your love a real chance, you see.
Because I needed the love of a Father.
Now I have his, but your love not.
And even this is fine my dear,
for a God's love I have got.

My niece asked about you yesterday,
she said she liked you.
I said, " I like him too, but we're just friends."
That was a lie, but sometimes it is okay to pretend,
when something is too complicated for a child to comprehend.
I do hope, however, I never have to lie like that again.
Because as the words left my lips
I remembered how achingly I missed
you, my best friend.

The thing that makes this different
from any other love before,
is that I can't be indifferent
even if it is me you choose to ignore.

Even if the sun stops shining
and I am denied when asking for more.
I will still see your eyes and end up pining,
more than I ever was before.

There is an undeniable magic
when our souls are near each other.
Others may view this romance as tragic,
but I'd rather love you more than choose another.

You can break my heart repeatedly,
and fight with me heatedly.
But I will still feel a flutter
in all the right places, at every word you utter.

It might not make sense,
and paint me rather pathetic.
But around you now I forget the past tense,
and my heart waxes a tune most poetic.

I have found joy without
the one whom my heart swells for.
So I know I can continue on no doubt,
no matter how long we keep up this rapport.

I'm starting to notice something,
I'm unsure if it's true.
But when did all of my writing,
become less about me...
and more about you?

I've been given my orders,
but they don't add up.
I want to blame everybody,
and that force called "bad luck".
I've got nothing left to hold onto,
except for the love...
That should be enough...I'll be fine too!
As long as you stop calling my bluff.

I'm just doing what I ought to.
But it is more than just "rough".
My God, what do I do about the thought of you?
I have just about had enough.
Is this something you have even thought through?
I guess we'll find out soon enough.
But if you become someone I never again get to talk to,
I pray that God calls upon your bluff.

I hate all of my previous writing,
that glorifies the sin
I once held within.

I hate how badly I was fighting,
the love and I never let it win.

If I had opened my eyes sooner,
I would not be she that now is.

Yet, had I learned these lessons
in an easier way
maybe it would have been too boring,
and I would have ended up somewhere else
than where I am now.

There may come a time in your life
where friends are slim to none.
and you've got no love-
but your own
and you're more than alone
with no place called home,
and a life that's always rough.

You've got a comrade in me,
A bird of the same feather, you see
at least you aren't truly alone.
I have never had anyone, but God
and you may think it odd,
but I was just born a lonesome
*rolling stone.

Oh hello again,
poetry website that feeds my grief.
I am struggling with something,
it feels a lot like disease.
It's heavy and it hurts,
and feels cold like a freeze.
I never wanted any of it,
but it always finds me.

I empty myself out to try and get relief.
But it creeps back in the parts left open,
the parts that are just for you and me.
And I'm trying not to mind it,
but this type of trying never succeeds.

So it's just me, tears, and this website-
All I'll ever need.

Today I am going to counseling.
A boring subject for a poem,
but thank you for allowing me,
to spill my guts here
it's kind of empowering.

At least here, the people who comment
are focused on my writing...
Which is really just a reflection of themselves,
but hey, I'm not fighting
it,
more like
inviting,
because any chance for you to put
yourselves in my shoes is alright, and
I miss the opportunities to connect
because I am doing the same thing.
Like being too busy trying to dial out,
while the phone is trying to ring.
Like living out in the open and always
complaining I'm not free.
That's just me.
But things still remain to be seen.

...I just hope I still write beautiful poetry.
.

Help me, anyone...
I've got too much to lose.
I'm hanging on the edge,
of my own noose.
Do I like being this person?
Is this even new news?
I think I have lost who I once was,
I think I'm addicted to the blues.
I think I am so far off, what I should be
who I should be to you.
There's a monster in this story,
and well, it isn't you.

What more is there to say?
What more is there to do?
When on any given day,
I am the enemy to you.

Forget the trials that cause dismay,
forget the world which makes us blue.
I am more evil than all that when you hate
me in this way that you do.

I want to feel the sun upon my face,
I want to take a long warm dip with you,
but none of that is coming my way
it's a long cold winter for which I am due.

I will suffer all my days
**** me if it's true,
you don't need me anyways,
Now that last part is surely true.

Be this world, but a mad mad garden.
I am tilling, and planting with woe.
I eat occasionally, of its fruits
and when full, tenderly, I go.

Pardon-
my nature is of the child, and so
I pull this leaf, pluck these petals,
and stop to smell of the rose.

There is a chill in the air,
a cloud blocking light,
and an odor tickling thy nose.

Be it this time, or past, future
or fourth dimension; How can
I know?

There is no limit to my pondering,
no effort in this wandering,
enjoyable is the quest to know.

If there was a favorite button of yours, it'd be ignore.
The letters would be smudged and slightly worn,
it would probably read with a vague "I" and a less visible "ore".
You used to read it all the time, what'd you quit that for?
Does this lapsed habit read into something more?
Should I be worried, furious, nonchalant?...I'm torn.
Guess I should think about that less
and write **more.

She said she knew who I was,
insulting who I am.

Some days I regress just because
it's hard to be strong, I am just man.

But even all the inventions and buzz,
created by a hand

Is all there ever was,
repeating again and again.

You found God in your heart
and met me less than a month later.

There are no coincidences.

I believe God has a plan for my life and there is never a reason to worry.

I believe a positive attitude makes a positive life.

I believe love really is all you need.

I believe the world we live in is an illusion.

I believe in listening to my gut.

I believe in praying about everything.

I believe kindness and ugliness both spread like a disease.

I believe anything is possible.

I believe we are one.

I believe life is a cosmic joke.

What has happened to the love I knew before?
He that opened the door,
let me come before
everything else, and what's more
important now?

The when and how.
The I was right and I vow,
I care not about thou,
but more about pride,
so my tears I'll hide.
Forgive me if I lied-
let a nothing slip
from my lip,
and held the truth inside.

What is love to thee?
A spouse who is filled with glee?
A perfect me?
There is no such thing, so go- now flee.
Take flight of my life
and leave me to be.

Why is it that I write poetry?
Is it because of the self-torture in me?
Tell me, what is it you see when you read?
A light inside,
or a destructive me?
Have I wallowed so long in these allegories?
Or discovered the truth in a depressing sea?
Reveal-NOW
the truth to me?
Be I a gifted poetess,
or a pathetic sheep?

Next to peers I don't fit in
We may share an age,
but I can't hide the years I have on them within.

eternally awkward
Trying to bridge the gap
between my soul and sin.

I think I've got it,
Then I lose again.
Time after time
Wishing the life I wanted would begin.
Wasting time and feeling,
I'll never see the end.

There is one who has walked with me,
never missing a beat.

Though I ignored his presence because it fit me,
I was blind and could not see.

The war that lives within me,
a war of which most do not speak

Is a war of good and evil,
where my biggest enemy is me.