Why am I drawn to men like you like a moth to a flame?
The moth is so enthralled by the flames beauty, it doesn’t notice the heat. The burn. The pain.

Until it’s too late.

Is it a longing to help those in need? Is it a desperate need for a connection? Is it an attraction to an abused breed? Is it because I’m searching for protection?

Will I ever learn or am I stuck in this cycle?

Will it always be a fight between the Lion and the Lamb? Or Is it just a deep part of who I am? Is it the way I can relate to a bad past? Or Is it the subconscious thought that it will never last?

Either way, there’s smoke in my lungs and my wings are on fire. Again, I’m in too deep. It’s time to say goodbye to you, dear Michael.

When you’re happy: take a step back, look around, and appreciate what you have. A lot will change in a year.

When you’re sad: take a step back, breathe, and don’t worry. Remember, a lot will change in a year.

My mom told me the other day
"I haven't seen the old you since like 6th grade. Do you think she'll ever come back?"

11 years.
It's been 11 years since I've been considered "normal"
11 years since I wanted a future and actually planned on having one
11 years since I didn't feel trapped between being scared to die and not caring if I do
It's been 11 years since I haven't felt the grip of crippling anxiety and the weight of major depression.

They say it takes 21 days to break a habit. What they don't mention is if it's still possible to break one even if it's been over a decade.

Now I've always thought of bad habits as more of minor things such as biting your nails, swearing too much, or using "umm" as filler words. Can major things be habits too?

They say it takes 21 days to break a habit. It's been 11 years and I'm still the same.

I fill up your oil with love and affection
I change your low-self esteem tires to brand new confidence
I clean up all the bad memories left between the seat cushions
I repair any bumps and scrapes you've gotten along the way; every broken heart that felt like the most fatal car crash
When you're all shiny and feel brand new again, you go on your way
Leaving me with nothing but an empty garage

I am a nomad
I travel place to place
Finding homes in people instead of houses

I am a flower
Always blooming new petals, no matter how harsh the winter frost
And for once I am going to plant my roots
In you

I wonder what will **** me first...
The thick smoke from your cigarettes
or
your sweet but devious smile

*Both leave me breathless

I want a life I don't feel the need to escape from

Don't allow him to grow flowers in your heart if he's going to give them to another girl

You won't consider him dangerous because he always has a weapon on hand
Like an angel with a shotgun
He was unexpected and unplanned
He's not dangerous because he's very experienced, with both women and remedies
He intrigues you
Living a carefree, exciting life is his specialty

He'll draw you in with his deep brown eyes and Cheshire Cat smile
You'll pray he keeps you around for at least a little while
It's no doubt that he has broken more bones than hearts
His hands have never scared you
Yet his poetic words made you cautious from the start

You'll consider him dangerous because he's charming, loving, and kind
No matter how hard you try,
he'll never leave your mind
The spaces between your fingers are right where his fit perfectly
It's as if you were born from the same star, knowing each other for eternity

You'll feel stupid because by now you thought you would've learned your lesson
Don't worry, for he won't **** you with harsh words or leathal weapons
But you'll fall for him and won't remember how or when
He'll **** you by kissing you once and then never again

Love is like a cigarette
It starts with a spark
Warm, bright, and addicting
But eventually burns out

How is it my heart always ends up
as the ash tray?

Don't give your all to someone who doesn't want it

Love is like a cigarette
It starts with a spark
Warm, bright, and addicting
But eventually burns out
My heart always ends up as the ash tray

Falling for him wasn't falling at all. It was like walking into a house and realizing you're home.

You're like a bad hair day or rush hour traffic
You're like small talk from strangers or those really slow mall walkers

You're like a dead remote control or a flat tire on the way to work
You're like writer's block that goes on for months or a malicious tornado that destroys an entire town


He's like a sunny day with a warm breeze or a reading brand new book
He's like a fresh blanket right out of the dryer or blasting a favorite song with the windows down

He's like hot chocolate on a cold winters night or watching the perfect sunset
He's like the perfect hug or finding money in an old jean pocket

I am like a river. Sometimes unsteady but always flowing, always moving forward.

Because I like to think it's my turn to enjoy a beautiful sunset instead of getting slaughtered by a tornado.

People tend to ask too much of me
Because they know I am willing to give them everything I have

It's such an easy way to get mistreated, manipulated, and taken advantage of

But I will never stop giving all I have, especially to the people that deserve it and even to the people that don't

The happiness of others is way more important than any amount of money, time, or sleep

So let me pay for the little things you want
Let me be late to work so I can spend 10 minutes kissing you goodbye
And let me wake up to answer your phone calls at 4 am when you can't sleep

I will always cross oceans for the people I care about
Whether or not they would cross a puddle for me

I just hope that one day
Someone will return the favor

I feel it again
The sorrow, the emptiness
The dark cloud up above, lingering over head

Is it just a chemical imbalance
Is it sleep deprivation
Is it you

What is causing this
Why does it hurt
Why do I always come back to this feeling

I try to escape but it welcomes me back like an old friend
Like I am unable to go on without it
I don't want to be in it's grasp anymore

Is it loneliness
Is it guilt
Is it depression
Is it you

It can not be an addiction
That requires dependency
I do not depend on you for happiness
You just happen to be the only source of it at the moment

I have always been too passionate
I give everything my all, every ounce of my being
I'm either all in or all out
All or nothing
I feel every emotion too deeply that even after a day of complete happiness, I feel drained

It has come to the point where I feel all my emotions all at once or none at all
I suppose I have gotten so used to being numb,
Being completely emotionless,
That feeling again is overwhelming

I must be broken
Or wired wrong
Or insane

Why is it everyone else seems to have it under control
Have all their emotions and be able to live without shutting down

Why must I walk around like a zombie just to get through the day

Twenty two years and I've just been trying to survive
I suppose it's time, no matter how hard it will be,
To look life straight in the eye and say
*"Bring it"

CAUTION
He's a poet
His words will melt you like butter

CAUTION
He's kind
He'll treat you better than you've ever been treated before

CAUTION
He's easy to love
You'll have a lot of competition

CAUTION
He's brave
He'll make you feel so safe, you'll forget what fear feels like

CAUTION
He has a heart of gold
You won't consider his flaws as flaws. There's so much good, it will always outweigh the bad

CAUTION
He's a thief
He'll steal your heart without even trying


ABORT, ABORT*


Silly girl
I tried to warn you

I can't help comparing him to the holocaust

How he starved me from all affection, giving me small portions once in a while just to keep me alive

"You deserve this"

How his anger and hatred burned me like the fire in the crematory. The smoke spelling out all the hope I had

"*******"

How his vicious words were like poisonous gas seeping into my lungs and killing me slowly.

He had me gasping for air

"Shut the **** up"
Gasp
"You'd be **** if you lost weight"
Gasp
"You're such a *****"
Gasp
"You're so ******* worthless"
Gasp

I have my scars but
Somehow, I made it out alive
Somehow, I'm still breathing

It's only been a few days and I'm addicted to you like heroine.

I've never tried drugs but you are my fix.

21 blocks away. You were kept from me all this time.

So close, yet out of reach. Constantly wishing for someone like you.

1,086 Miles away. I found you

How is it I found my home, while I was so far away?

I've never thought of my body as a canvas
But if you're the artist, I'd gladly be your masterpiece
As long as you promise to draw in pen

When I am intrigued by someone new, I always feel the butterflies

But with you, it's different
My heart tingles

It's as if my soul is calling out to yours saying,

"I'm here
Please come home"

I can not handle shallow souls

I need someone who is deep enough where I am afraid I will drown
if I decide to test out their waters

I need someone brave enough to throw me their life raft
when I am in over my head and can't make it back to shore
on my own

You make me feel intoxicated
I get drunk off your smile
This is the happiest I've been in quite awhile

The room filled with smoke makes it feel like a dream
We talk for hours, but just for minutes it seems

Your laugh is contagious and might be the best sound I've ever heard
You somehow make me blush without even saying a word

That sweet smile of yours makes my knees go weak
As you continue to reminisce,
I notice an eyelash upon your cheek

You make a wish quickly for what you desire
I'm hoping you feel the spark between us,
It could start a raging fire

In such a short time, you've become someone I adore
Oh darling, how I hope I was what you wished for

Sometimes..
I am too needy
Too dependent
Too emotional

Sometimes..
I am too kind
Too vibrant
Too delusional

Sometimes..
I am too intrigued
Too clingy
Too infatuated

Sometimes..
I am too bold
Too honest
Too complicated

Sometimes..
I feel alive
But most times I don't

Sometimes..
It's hard just to stay afloat

Love is like water
And I'm dying from thirst
Sometimes, just sometimes..
I want to be put first

There's no such thing as too much love, my dear.

Some people are like rain
and others are like snow.
Some will make your petals wilt,
and some will help you grow.

It's only been a few days and I'm addicted to you like heroine.
I've never tried drugs but you are my fix.

21 blocks away. You were kept from me all this time.
So close, yet out of reach. Constantly wishing for someone like you.

1,086 Miles away. I found you
How is it I found my home, while I was so far away?

People think I am so strong.
"No matter what you go through",
They say,
"You continue to smile. You never give up!"

What they don't know, is that my 'strength' is a weakness.
My 'strength' is forgetting.

I unintentionally forget the words, the situations, the people that cause me pain.

I forget the good.
I forget the bad.
I forget everything.

That's how I cope.
That's how I move on.
That's how I'm still alive.

So no, I am not strong.

Im merely just doing what I have to
to survive.

I stopped wearing my seatbelt when speeding on the highway.
I walk into on coming traffic without bothering to look.
I text while I drive even if I struggle to stay between the lines.

I stopped caring about my safety.
I stopped caring about my life.
I suppose it's because I felt as if I didn't have anything to live for.

Suddenly, I was laying in your arms
Listening to music I've never heard before but instantly loved

Watching the flame of the candle flicker as the light danced across your cheek
Feeling your heartbeat become steady with every exhale

Now I wear my seatbelt.
I look both ways.
I put down my phone.

I am thankful death didn't let me in when I knocked at it's door, for I would have never met you.

You seek adventure.
You are fearless.
You are ambitious.

You've climbed the tallest of trees which blessed you with the most beautiful view.

I am but a sapling.

You water me with your kindness and I am slowly growing stronger.
But even if I grow to be strong and tall and beautiful,
I fear I am not worth the climb.

I am thankful you can make a smile appear on his face and make his eyes squint with pure happiness.

I am thankful you can be there when he needs it and still there even when he doesn't.

I am thankful we are similar enough to make me think he loved me so much that he tried to find
someone like me.

And yet not too similar,
in that, you drive him away,
like I did.

I am thankful you are like me, but better;
For he deserves the best.