Why am I drawn to men like you like a moth to a flame?
The moth is so enthralled by the flames beauty, it doesn’t notice the heat. The burn. The pain.

Until it’s too late.

Is it a longing to help those in need? Is it a desperate need for a connection? Is it an attraction to an abused breed? Is it because I’m searching for protection?

Will I ever learn or am I stuck in this cycle?

Will it always be a fight between the Lion and the Lamb? Or Is it just a deep part of who I am? Is it the way I can relate to a bad past? Or Is it the subconscious thought that it will never last?

Either way, there’s smoke in my lungs and my wings are on fire. Again, I’m in too deep. It’s time to say goodbye to you, dear Michael.

The changing of the seasons
Affects my fickle mood
I'm running out of reasons
To drink water or eat food
I'll just ignore the demons
With the screen to witch I'm glued
There is no hope nor beacon
Just suffering to be viewed
After my soul's been beaten
Dripping blood and black and blue
No answers from the deacon
No solution from the pews
No serotonin secretion
Caused by that ****** Mary shrew
So I wait for the completion
Of my spring and winter blues.

When you’re happy: take a step back, look around, and appreciate what you have. A lot will change in a year.

When you’re sad: take a step back, breathe, and don’t worry. Remember, a lot will change in a year.

My mom told me the other day
"I haven't seen the old you since like 6th grade. Do you think she'll ever come back?"

11 years.
It's been 11 years since I've been considered "normal"
11 years since I wanted a future and actually planned on having one
11 years since I didn't feel trapped between being scared to die and not caring if I do
It's been 11 years since I haven't felt the grip of crippling anxiety and the weight of major depression.

They say it takes 21 days to break a habit. What they don't mention is if it's still possible to break one even if it's been over a decade.

Now I've always thought of bad habits as more of minor things such as biting your nails, swearing too much, or using "umm" as filler words. Can major things be habits too?

They say it takes 21 days to break a habit. It's been 11 years and I'm still the same.

I fill up your oil with love and affection
I change your low-self esteem tires to brand new confidence
I clean up all the bad memories left between the seat cushions
I repair any bumps and scrapes you've gotten along the way; every broken heart that felt like the most fatal car crash
When you're all shiny and feel brand new again, you go on your way
Leaving me with nothing but an empty garage

Something feels wrong about walking on pavement
When I could be skipping through fields of grass
Something's wrong with economic enslavement
When we could be carelessly letting time pass

Something's wrong with perpetual warfare
When all we desire is love and peace
Something feels empty about likes and shares
And something feels wrong about racist police

Something feels off when politicians speak
With their lies, misinformation, and deceit
Something feels wrong because we've passed our peak
We're on the decline and it tastes so sweet.

Something feels wrong with the passing breeze
As if the air knows what's coming next
Something looks wrong with decaying trees
They too understand that we are hexed.

Something feels wrong in my dark twisted mind
Something feels wrong with this dark twisted Earth
Something feels wrong about being kind
Something feels wrong about having no worth.

Something feels wrong about dragging
along
And it'll all feel wrong until the day I'm gone

Now that the joy is gone
And the thrill has faded away
I'm back to fighting misery
Each and every day

Once I was in a place
Where the happiness was endless
Where every face had a smile
But now it all seems senseless

What's it matter now?
Those days are in the past
Now the pain has returned
And its here to last

The pain of which I speak
I have failed to find it's source
But it has always been within me
This my mind has enforced

So I'll trot along
Through tornados and hurricanes
Through blizzards and wildfires
Even if the pain remains