I may never have to
Let alcohol pass my lips again.
Because if being drunk,
Is what I want
Then all I have to do
Is be near
You.

I approach,
And carve a "Hello"
Out of my marble voice.
Before an exchange is made past introduction,
I stand there,
Paralyzed.

Plunging inward,
Hands crawling through the dark,
Gliding between muscle and nerve,
***** and blood,
Wrapped between and under
A bouquet of bone,
Traveling the tunnels behind my chest,
Spiraling humbly in and out of every rib
In the shape of the Special Beam.

Nesting,
Coddled in a diaphragm home,
My voice rocking back and forth
With a death grip on its shins,
Knees under chin,
Mumbling grievances of social disorder.

Courage dilutes in exhales,
Each breath shorter than the last,
Only enough brave in veins to utter
"Nevermind",
As I turn and walk away.

Being thin
is not going
to fix you,
because no matter
the number
on the scale,
you will still
call me at 3am,
begging for a
reason to live.

to the girl who wrote me asking
me for advice at four o'clock in the
morning when her brain was high
off of an ashy heart: stop
******* around with toxins, and
no, i don't mean the drugs
turning your life into
unwholesome chaos. i mean
your ******* friends who told
you that
your problems are nothing
your demons are nothing
you are nothing. stop
it. you're better than
them.

to the friend who asked
for advice on how to turn
herself into a walking
skeleton: get over
yourself. anorexia and
bulimia will not fill
some hole in your tragic
past, they will ravage everything
good in you until you
are nothing but the flesh
you have despised. do
not ask me how to "become
an anorexic" because all you
are asking me is how
to die.

to the boy who i have
dedicated so many poems
to: god, you are so oblivious
to everything. to the soulless
"i love you"s spoken out of
pity, to the feigned grins, to
the fact that you are ripping
me apart. i was always told
to not love someone
who was sad because they would
drag me to the pit of the ocean
with them, and i should
have listened. there isn't
enough of me left
to share.

Don't ever fall in love.
Don't ever try to find someone
You can loose  yourself  to .
No one cares about your fragile heart,
No one but you.
While you sit there, heart full of love,
He is sitting there looking at your
Photograph whilst some fair skinned
Girl has her tongue down his throat .