And at night
I break down
Creating a thousand miniature oceans

I danced
And I jumped
I let the music take over my body
Like the alcohol had taken over theirs
I let the endorphins make me high
And I danced
Not caring if anybody was watching
I danced
As if music was a drug
And I was an addict

I told him I loved him
for the first time
as I stepped off the ride
and waved goodbye

You were the ocean
I was the canoe
And somehow I thought I was the one steering

I fell for you
But you weren't there to catch me
So I scraped my knees
And I can't stop picking at the scabs

Sometimes you make me feel
Like I’m the sun in your universe
And I’m happy
But then I realize
The sun
It’s just
Another
Star
However brightly
I might shine
I’m just
One
In
A
Sea
Of
Never ending
Beautifully twinkling stars

He did nothing
But make me
Miss you more

We were a firework
and it fizzled out
leaving a smoking sky

but now when I look up
all I see is blue

I don’t write much anymore
Words no longer work in my favor
I don’t even know how to talk to people
I can’t seem to figure out small talk
I am boring
Everything I say is boring
My life is hollow
There is nothing to say
Nothing to write
Nothing
Just quiet
I am quiet
I have nothing to say
I am nothing

I kissed him because he smelled like you
and that is just a little bit ****** up

Imagine being an astronaut
It’s one of the scariest things I can imagine
Floating around in outer space
A space that is as close to infinite anything can ever be
Imagine drifting out
Becoming lost
In the oblivion

I got too intense
I felt too much

I tried to push it down
I really tried

I knew how scared you would get
how insecure

But I couldn't hold it down
and I drove you away

You were my drug
and I have an addictive personality

Now I can't have you
and
The abstinence is killing me

I fell in love with you as if you were the ocean

You broke me into a thousand little pieces,
Because you would be happy with just one.
And now that you have it
You will keep it forever,
In a blue wooden box under your bed.

That smile on your face will now stay permanent,
Because you know that
Without it I can never be whole.
And you like your things
Just a little bit broken.

I let the sun and the moon rebirth me
And woke up in a forest
Naked and alone
Walking,
through the pillars of trees holding up the star speckled ceiling,
I knew
It was gone
It was all gone
The world that once inhabited this planet had vanished and disappeared

You left me broken on the floor
Pieces spread everywhere
Hiding in the dust
You never even bothered
to clean up
The pieces of my fading soul that had splashed the carpet orange

These organs in my body have never seen the light of day
I want to set them free
It makes me sad
That they have never seen the sun
Never seen the stars
I want to set them free
I want to let them
See the sun

I don't know where those people went.
Somehow they are missing
and there are others
living in their skin

Someone else is controlling her breath
feeling her sweat as she is building,
building walls
higher than ever seen

She is right there,
but still
She is missing

You are oxygen to me
I cannot breathe
Without you

I feel like ripping off my skin
Tearing piece after piece of pale off
Letting my raw exposed flesh breathe in the sunlight
A snowfall on the asphalt

And I wish I could live in that world of pastels
Where the dark isn’t as frightening
And the light isn’t as harsh
Where everything is mellow
Drenched in sunlight’s yellow

I wish I could live in a world made of clouds
Where edges aren’t sharp
And curves are forgiving
Where everything is a soft hue
With mountains made of blue

And I wish I could live in that world of light
Where shadows aren’t as dark
And beams are the opposite of hard
Where happiness is bright
A prism made from white

If I was lost in space
I would spend my days staring into the stars
And my nights basking in their shallow glow
Until finally the stars would be permanent fixtures on the inside of my corneas
And I could throw myself out in the oblivion
My last breath slipping away
My body becoming stardust

The pills have gotten easier to swallow
And my anxiety has gotten quieter
But the sadness is still there
Amplified
And I try not to cry in public
But there is always that one tear that escapes
A runaway
And I wish I could follow its lead
And escape this world
Escape the shackles of time
For what is the reason of existing?
If existing is all you do?

Pretend my
Heart
Isn’t beating
Loudly
Inside a
Part of me I can’t
Bear admit
Exists,
Radiating a
Glowing
Spark of
Epic
Love and
Lust.

How do you tell someone
that you don’t like thinking,
because it hurts
too much
for you to bear?

It started raining again
And then it stopped
Leaving no other trace than a wet street and damp grass

But the thing is
I know it will start again
If I just wait long enough

Because it’s always there
Hanging over my head
Like a balloon

I knew I was hooked
But I couldn’t stop
Whenever I got up
I started falling
It broke me
It cracked every little piece of me
To a finer powder of despair
I needed help
But there were no meetings
For addicts like me
No one to help me
No one to help me get over my addiction
Because
**My addiction was you