How can I make a change in this world
if I have not yet seen it?
How can I see the change that needs to be made in this world if I have not yet traveled it?

a beautiful and harrowing crisis
is that of an existentialist
facing the imminent reality
or lack thereof
that our chaotic universe has to offer

both uncomfortable and dully excruciating
to subscribe to the belief
that there is no belief
an order to see the disorder
and continue on nonetheless

rousing the heart and mind
to the harsh reality
to bear each decision and action
as their own
not inevitability
shaped by an omnipotent figure
but of their hands

accepting the absurd
and employing a fallible mind
to make subjectively rational decisions
in an objectively irrational existence

10pm seduces me
like a siren luring
promising me peace and quiet
but she lies
my thoughts are amplified in the silence
and there's no distraction from the numbed pain
I lay here rubbing my eyes
and throbbing temples
contemplating why I don't just sleep
but she whispers and summons
all the monsters
under my bed

A quiet coffee shop
8am
Across from someone
Let them lead the conversation
and listen
Sooner or later
you'll learn what they love
Let them talk
about what they're passionate about
It's beautiful
to see their eyes light up
with ideas and recollection

The mark on my chin
Where the skin is pink  
due to lack of pigment
An ugly contrast I thought
Until he lifted my chin
and smiled
"It's cute," he said
"A trail straight to your lips,"
and kissed my worries away

I am unapologetically human
therefore I refuse to be sorry
for any thought or feeling
that I have
I am making a promise to myself
to always be painfully honest

We explore the world searching for who we are, but that answer is already inside of ourselves.

There is no home here
Only four walls
and an echo of yelling
There is no comfort here
only selfishness
There is no stability
only cracked foundation
There was no childhood here
mostly just rough times
There is no dad
just a man who sits in his place
There is no money
only enough to scrape by this month
There is no peace
only violence and unhappiness
There is no contentment from me
just longing to leave
and I envy all those who had these things
If home is where the heart is
I have none

inhale
up
exhale
down
heavy
weighted
with the burden
of many emotions
unfelt until now

We can talk
for hours
about life
the sky
and everything in between
all the while
I’m in admiration for your mind
your mind is only on one thing
the end goal
you score
and waltz out
I’m left here
empty
and wondering

The note rang loudly
in the night
piercing my heart
opening a chasm in my soul
pouring out memories
met with old feelings
an aching deep within
soothed and scarred
all at once
lyrics
notes
speaking things
I didn’t know even existed

If you're looking for the kind of art that's beautiful, leave
If you're looking for someone who will always have themselves together, leave
If you're looking for superficial things, leave
If you're looking for a shallow pond to quench your thirst, leave
Here you will find messy, art
The kind of something that makes you feel
The kind that's strung apart and spontaneous
If you're looking for depths of passion and ambition
The kind of person who will love you until the fire rolls out of their eyes
Stay, please stay

The nights are made for thinkers, who need a quiet space for a loud mind.

chamber of reflection
a space between four walls
no way out
no distractions
from the mirror of my mind
alone again

You, are a **** legend
The moon glows for you
and longs to be with you
that’s why it comes at night
to keep your wild, dark heart
company
you, my beloved friend
are a legend

you don’t put a human through
adult ****
and expect them to come out
as a child

I'm a wise old soul
with a young heart
and a dose of teen angst
this equation is contradictory
and a scary contemplation of life

I can’t deal
with small minded people
they stomp
on my soul’s freedom
and liberation
I won’t do
people who simply conform
into the world
I want the wild ones:
the ones who don’t follow patterns
or fit inside lines
or go neatly into boxes
I want the throw aways
the ones who are doing their best
to make it to tomorrow
but those who spend time
to appease the masses
are the worst types
of human

You and I need our own strength
I need you to be your own light
I need to be my own
so we aren't just enough
to supply some lightbulbs
but an entire city

does it ever dawn on you that
your words are weapons
put them down before you do anymore
the destruction you’re causing
with them is incomprehensible
you’re killing hearts
it’s selfish you know
what you’re doing
simply because you can
words are powerful
but you’re responsible for them
and how you use them
these gashes are too deep to heal
these scars won’t fade quickly
so put your words away
before they hurt someone else

I picked up a pencil and began to sketch
My fingers begged to create something
Something beautiful, something aesthetic
Yet it did not come
Then it dawned on me
art cannot and is not forced
You do not find art
It finds you

Where you invest your love, you invest your life.

I want to be independent
yet I have attachment issues
I say I don’t want to be helped
yet I need help all the time
I always know what the answer is
but I always ask questions
I am a sensible person
but I make no sense

I want to kiss each inch of you,
especially the places you do not love
I want to show you the love
you do not give yourself

Inhale
Love
I will learn beauty
Love
I will be okay with myself
Love
I will take care of myself
Love
I will smile
Love
Exhale

You don’t understand
Why I care so much
You don’t understand
Why I’m so anxious
You don’t understand
My stress
My heartache
You just don’t quite get how
Your silence hurts
You don’t comprehend
My unexplainable sadness
& I think that’s why we’re here
You don’t get me
as much as you try
I am too much
for you to understand
yet I apologize
for being who I am
You don’t get
Why I’m apologizing
& I guess I don’t either

I am surrounded
by people
who call me 'friend'
yet I feel so lonely
because you're gone
and I don't know
if you'll be back

I knew it was time to say goodbye
So I did
We kissed one last bittersweet kiss
The sun set
I love you, so I'm letting go
Yet it hurts
To see you moving on, being okay
I'm still hurting
I know it's incredibly selfish to feel
But I do
In all my humanness and vulnerability
To let go
I'm ripping the other half of me off
It's hell
I pray it gets better and that someday
It's okay

Your fate isn't in the stars
dancing in galaxies
your destiny is none
you don't move with the wind
you don't get luck
or what you deserve
you get life
you make your life
you're dealt your hand
you make your best play
sometimes all you can do is put on your best poker face