I am the most sincere
whenever I tell them “I’m here”
when they’re feeling lonely
and most definitely needing somebody
But I cannot do anything
if they keep going missing
when it’s my turn
to need them the most
I just turn to my champagne
and
to honor my anguish,
raise my glass for a toast


-c.s.

I thought it was safe to fall
You know I could’ve been
your end all be all
But you weren’t ready
I was going all out
but your heart’s not steady

Now I watch leaves fall from a tree
as I pour on this paper
seeking comfort
in my poetry


-c.s.

Birthday candle is blown
Surrounded with love
from people I’ve always known
But to satiate the need
to feel cherished—
—is a call or a text message
to make his love-binding spell
well-established
Oh, how nice would that be
But he doesn’t think of me
And that is reality




-c.s.

When I leaned on your chest
your heartbeat was racing
I held on to that bliss
Nevermind if this is temporary

With your hand on my hip,
we were going places
I didn’t need anything else
And in that moment,
I felt truly alive


-c.s.

Don’t get with a writer
if you’re not gonna stay
because she’ll remember your eyes
piercing into hers
Your lips—
the words you whispered
in your candle-lit room
and the smell of your hair
as you both fell into the night
So don’t get with a writer
if you’re not gonna stay
because she’ll make something
out of those sweet nothings
and she will write about it
until her mind bleeds



-c.s.

It's 4 a.m. and I'm feeling kinda blue
Here I am thinking---
how I just wanted to get to know you
But you made your way out
with same old excuses I have heard before
You made your bed, gave empty promises,
then proceeded out the door

Maybe I'm just sad
about how easy you gave me the butterflies
If only I had listened
when they told me they were nothing but
mere illusion and pretty lies

Or maybe I was too naive
to believe again
that I could find it in you
I was only hurting myself with ideas
that were too good to be true

- c.s.

I will never forget
that rainbow on the balcony
your voice on the line
for the first time

Beautiful and tragic, isn't it?

It would've been you
could've been me
Oh it would've been heaven
and today would've been seven



(041721)
- c.s.

I used to swoon over
your innocent face
your figure
your sweet, sweet disposition

Fashioned by your gray shirt
where you shined in my eyes
like a prince
Oh I remember

(032821)
-c.s.

I used to question why
you were the way you were
Everything you touched
withered

But I saw how you did your best
You were just lost
and somehow,
I knew and I understood

Last night,
God unraveled a miracle
All the people you knew
were praying over you

I saw you crying—-
asking for forgiveness
and with no hesitation,
they gave it to you

I could never be prepared
for this painful goodbye
But I take comfort in knowing
that when He takes you back,
there is no more pain


“Hallelujah”
You’ll hear Him and the angels sing
You’ll finally be home
in the kingdom
of the King of kings

It started with goodbye

when I first saw the lie.

His wings were cut off; he kept falling from grace,

all the while I was painting scenes on my face.



Guess I drew you too well
and 
now these mascara-coated eyes begin to swell.

Because this beautiful spirit was made up in my head;

I see it clearly now, these technicolor truths that I dread.



But I am made up of empathy,

always giving the best of my symphony.

My unparalleled love is still in my chest.


What I gave is yours to keep—- I wish nothing but the best.




-c.s.

I witnessed some things,
saw the worst in people.
It made me stop
believing in the best of them.

I was drowned with lies
that stabbed me like a knife.
A huge chunk of me died,
and a cynic I've become.

But then an angel was sent to give me His Word:
Told me to get up--
--and that everything mercurial
must go.

Yes I was left in this hurt;
left me there standing
with this casket,
and this curse

But I was also left with a seed
that has been enriching my purpose,
empowering me with the God-given strength
to forgive


-c.s.

sometimes
I’d be living out of spite
you’ve been a beautiful liar—-
—even this time

all of your nonsense
made sense to me
I was blinded
an ace when you tried to hide it

gave you a garden of adoration
but you cloaked me with eternal damnation

because I told you to meet me
at that mall
at my campus
at the train station
at your school
even at your ******* hometown
you never showed up
I was standing so tall

But one day I woke up and I knew—-


—-you didn’t honor my heart
when I saw you talking to her
embracing her
holding hands with her
meeting her at the mall
and she was standing so tall

In between ubiquitous pain
and shallow laughter---
---through my meandering rivers
I think of you

My proclivity for sadness
is my signature
And I’m sitting here
still staring at your pictures

When I said “it’s okay”
you knew it wasn’t fine
and losing a friend is losing a sacred poem
that once was lovingly mine


-c.s.

Let me soak in these emotions again
Let me be vulnerable
Let me feel low

When the mind plays tricks, I always lose.

Let me just feel the cuts before I get back to the grind
Because I’m already here and there’s no way out.

To linger on my blind optimism,
To linger on being broken
To linger on the words
To linger on the songs
To linger on the years

To linger
Til they no longer… hurt

-c.s.

Half a bottle of wine later,
my world falls apart again

I already know why
But I just want to keep on asking
Just to let it linger

Through these tears
Through my vision blurring
Just to feel it, to face it

For my healing,
accepting,
and my loving

-c.s.

Don’t know how, don’t know when
I just started looking for you every now and then
Can’t shake off the feeling that you’re always nearby
Knowing that it’s hopeless, don’t know why I try

Searching for you through countless faces
I'm everywhere pulling out all my aces
I must have already bumped into you before---
---maybe that’s the reason why I happen to finally open my door

I start to close my eyes and I’m suddenly in a different place
We’re caught in between winds leaving me in a daze
It’s all in my head but I can’t seem to make out your face
You remain a phantom—dangerous, but beguiling and made by grace

- c.s. (110213)

And alas,
the heart constricts to a jolting pang of pain
Your capability of aiming me at gunpoint
is inevitable
And here I am with my fragility
written all over  my face.

- c.s. (081417)

Retreating to your army
leaving me in abyss--
Saying all these things filtered
with metaphors you think I’d miss.
I know you know
when I start to feel things about this bridge.
Yet you pretend not to see,
you pretend not to hear.
We end up lost in translation.
And you’re now addicted to the attention.

- c.s. (081617)

To get lost and to let loose.
To lay down in the garden of Eden.
To breathe the air of serenity, to be free.
That’s all I’ve ever wanted.

But these inhibitions tie me down.
And these recurring wars never stop.
I never learn.

And I keep drowning in this sadness.
There is no way out.
Among the laughters across the table,
was mine that wasn't so genuine.

Because I’d get stuck in thoughts.
The kind that never helps.
Are you really happy?
Are you really okay?

I look at you in the mirror---
You’re full of love, but you’re full of pain.

- c.s. (090917)

Face wiped off from the colors,
hands wrinkled from the water–
Stripped off from all the clothes and accessories,
You’re all the same to me, suitcase of memories.

Woke up when the day was running,
though I stayed in bed until the sun was leaving.
That’s when I knew what the recurring dispositions meant–
You only ever call when it’s convenient.

I’d let it slide,
even though you had a lot to hide.
I did this a thousand times,
not knowing they were already crimes.

And now I’m bursting with emotions.
It's so heavy, like I’m carrying the whole nation.
I took a shot in the dark where the nightingales sing–
Guess I didn’t know what my future would bring.

So I just stayed in bed until the sun was leaving–
–forced myself to sleep, run away from everything.
’cause I always knew what the dispositions meant;
You only ever call when it’s convenient.

- c.s. (120217)

For how long must we endure--
--how long can we keep this up?
I keep waiting.
You keep waiting.


I’ve spent a thousand mornings,
spent endless somber nights,
saying 'I love you',
even when you’re not listening.


And when i’m alone,
the ceiling looms down over me;
giving more validity to this feeling, the truth---
that i want your touch, your affection.


And i’m getting too crazy with my mind,
but it’s always been like this.
Always have been.
It’s too much.


the needle in the haystack

- c.s. (050918)

as I look onto the seamless waters of the unknown
I smile nonchalantly, unsure if I deserve some peace of mind
or if I should just be genuinely happy
that I've been put in a place like this

something as priceless as the clear skies and greenery…
I am grateful
I am a child
protected by the hands of those who love me

but I am also a woman who seeks things beyond these walls
a woman who wants to live on adrenaline pumping through her veins…free from her inhibitions

am I missing out?
am I letting my youth slip away?
who would’ve known?

you don’t see these thoughts on my face
you don’t see my battle scars

oh this abstract world..

-c.s. (061218)

People like us
like to keep things from other people.
We don’t find it rather comforting
to have others meddle in our business.

But sometimes,
it’s nice to let the world know
that I am yours and you are mine.

But then--
how could we
when we can’t even make the story of us a possibility?
When we’re unsure of what’s true,
When we are but a secret?

- c.s. (070518)

If there was a chance for me to disengage
every ounce of affection for you in this day and age,
I would have done it a long time ago.

But unknowingly,
I always end up wounded by the shrapnel of your bombs,
causing me to fall down hard.
But I stand back up harder.

I wonder why I always wake up dissatisfied
with way the sun sets
or with the way the mountains coordinate with the sky---

---they’re beautiful.
I could write about them.
But there’s still not a genuine smile on my face.

How fate has always toyed with me;
twisting and snapping the very bones of hope I have kept in my closet..
How life in general is funny;
because I’m happy for a minute and I reel back into the darkness that feels like an eternity.

It has got me whining, and crying like a brat.
I have kept asking and asking,
begging and pleading--

---I just wanted my own peace,
my solitude, and sanctuary;
my own person.
I just wanted you.

But then I am just one of the buds in your flower fields
that you happened to just pick out of the blue.
And to me, you were the unexpected deviation of my usual routine
that I made a fantasy out of.


So here I am,
daydreaming like a stupid girl.
But hey, this is just me and my heart
I still remember.

And I’d live with it until I fade
Only flowing, never forcing.

-c.s. (083018)

Taking pictures, holding hands
Midnight kisses, names on the sand
I touch your face as I look at you
I’ll caress it just to see if it’s true

Sometimes I begin to wonder if you feel
These hopeless urges I so carefully conceal
Do you get a little crazy deep in your mind
Desires like a ghost, creeping from behind?

You’re my impossible, the unobtainable
Quite the charm, you’re just incredible
Tell me, how do you keep up with the bliss?
‘cause as for me I’ll just keep writing like this

I bury my head in the pillows
Forcing my eyes closed and in this misery I wallow
I’ll keep doing so until I’ve run out of things to say
Although I’m prepared for different things, oh come what may

Must I try to find my solitude with others, I don’t really know
I’m not thinking about that, right now I’m on the low
All I wanna do
is to be with you
I know that’s true.

- c.s. (102218)

The sun lights up the whole room white--
But knowing me you reckoned it’s time for bed.
Where does compromise fit in the equation,
When I gave the space and understanding,
and yet I felt the neglect?
I looked and leaned forward
to the promise of sleeping in peace,
as I bask in my needing,
and my wanting.

But I end up feeling deprived.

Good night.

- c.s. (021219)

Is it still there?
The flame. Not the fire.
Everything was fine before.
So I wonder why.

You swung the sword first,
I responded retaliation.
Both didn’t win;
we ended up badly wounded

Like the way the moon greets the sun with a passing nudge.
Creating crimson-tainted clouds
painting the sky.
Thats how we are sometimes,
when we brush off of each other’s skin---

---bruises everywhere.



- c.s. (062119)

They say I’m disconnected
that I’m withdrawn
that I wander off a lot
Aloof—someone who doesn’t conform

but what’s wrong with that?

why should I act
as if I am the same with others
when I’m trying to be myself---

---myself, who likes to think a lot
myself who sometimes doesn’t want to talk a lot
myself, who I am still trying to find
myself, who I am trying to build

what’s wrong with that?

and I can feel what I want to feel
I can be happy
I can be miserable at a certain time i need to be
I can be confident
I can be assured


I can shut down
and get away
when I feel like everybody
is draining the hell out of me

I’m just human
A person of my own
I have my individuality
ain't even stepping on anyone’s boundary

if I am like this,
what is wrong with that?


- c.s. (120319)

She wakes up with doubt,
with uncertainty.
With discomfort,
this impending gravity.


But then she remembered not to worry.
No, not anymore.
For it has been quiet and still...
Leave it to the wind---yes I will.

-c.s. (030220)