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CJ Sep 26
My darling,
you should know
that no one will write about you
the way that I do

You have been immortalized
by the tip of my virtual pen;
outlining every joy and despair we shared,
expressing how truly and deeply I cared

And as our roads start to split
with me painstakingly accepting every bit of it
rest assured
the world will read of what was and is true

I hope you don’t forget
the girl who always wrote about you

CJ Sep 24
In between ubiquitous pain
and shallow laughter---
---through my meandering rivers
I think of you

My proclivity for sadness
is my signature
And I’m sitting here
still staring at your pictures

When I said “it’s okay”
you knew it wasn’t fine
and losing a friend is losing a sacred poem
that once was lovingly mine

CJ Sep 12
And my love,
as I am swimming in my reverie
basking in my sweet sweet misery

I never forget
that your pain matters


That it’s okay to change your mind
It was just never okay for me to rely on promises
with child-like naivety---

whose hands have been longing for yours

CJ Sep 10
Let me soak in these emotions again
Let me be vulnerable
Let me feel low

When the mind plays tricks, I always lose.

Let me just feel the cuts before I get back to the grind
Because I’m already here and there’s no way out.

To linger on my blind optimism,
To linger on being broken
To linger on the words
To linger on the songs
To linger on the years

To linger
Til they no longer… hurt

CJ Sep 10
Half a bottle of wine later,
my world falls apart again

I already know why
But I just want to keep on asking
Just to let it linger

Through these tears
Through my vision blurring
Just to feel it, to face it

For my healing,
and my loving

CJ Sep 3
Don’t know how, don’t know when
I just started looking for you every now and then
Can’t shake off the feeling that you’re always nearby
Knowing that it’s hopeless, don’t know why I try

Searching for you through countless faces
I'm everywhere pulling out all my aces
I must have already bumped into you before---
---maybe that’s the reason why I happen to finally open my door

I start to close my eyes and I’m suddenly in a different place
We’re caught in between winds leaving me in a daze
It’s all in my head but I can’t seem to make out your face
You remain a phantom—dangerous, but beguiling and made by grace

- c.s. (110213)
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