I have dreams, not delusions.  Finally myself, not an illusion.

Certain things matter
Most do not
Movements in the water
Tsunamis of the heart
Global rubble
Mind junk
People focus on themselves
Not each other
Earthquakes in the dark
Certain things matter
Angry ants storming the hill
Blind bees swarming the hive
We are natural disasters
And create our own demise

When you know
and you don’t speak
that evil dilutes
your truth
Eroding
Decaying
People are pawns
Someday the Queen will fall
And when the kingdom is made of bones
there will only be dust for you to stick your head into

The pen
I hold
in my hand
weaves its web
of magic
round
my fingers
little electric shocks
that flow on paper
enchanted currents
that paint
the artist
in the world
as a dreamer
in a dream

I wish I wasn't like you
spineless and broken
trying to pull through
angry at your slightest move
silenced and removed
I wish I wasn't like you
wearing a happy mask
being ruled by the past
and never forgetting who I am
all I feel is
permanent red
I wish I wasn't like you

When does ambition become greed?
When does need become self-indulgence?
When does therapy become whining?
We all want to be special.

Pretty Perfect Life Entrepreneurs.

Is it really human nature to not accept what we are?
An idealist can never handle problems that are hard.
A narcissist sees no problem at all.
And we all become recycled trash in a philosophical junkyard.

she only ever wants to play
she pushes them all away
she sets the stage
and pulls the puppet strings
but no one can touch hers
and when she gets bored
she packs up her playthings and goes home

selfish she
is plastic
without a heart
selfish she
is toxic
leaving her mark

a levy of limbs
a boudoir of bones
selfish she
plays her game
never lonely
but always alone

she only ever wants to play
she pushes them all away
selfish she
laughs as she breaks her dolls

Tears
salty drops of transparent fears
hidden like ghosts in an attic
they fall down my face
in streams
and grow into rivers
of sadness
a deep blackness
growing deeper
Tears
have molded the lines
on my face
throughout the years
like the unseen scar
of my broken heart
and tears
wet reminders
of childhood fears
are my companion
as long as
we're apart

The altruistic traveler
Will always circle worlds
But will never find a home

I am the God of my own worlds
I produce pain
I am cruel
Love is rare
A precious jewel
I create it all on the page
Mined diamonds from my mind
Or ****** battles written in rhyme

I am the God
I say what's real
I am the author
I make you feel

The capacity for love
I'm filled with it
It's in my every bone
It's in my every move
It hits on every nerve
It's in everything I do

And with so much love
there is so much hurt.

I ran and asked the ghost woods
How much to be free
Tell me what is
And what was

Hurt me with dead words
Make a prison without love

How much to be free

There is no sacrifice
No limbs for shelter
Show them what is
And what was
Show them how to surrender

I ran and asked the ghost woods
How much to be free

The heart wants what the heart wants and my heart wants you.

The brain knows what the brain knows and my brain speaks truth.

My heart has taken over.
I'm on autopilot.
And you're the fuel.

The heart wants what the heart wants.
I'm going to crash and burn.
I let go of the wheel.

The heart wants what the heart wants.
It ignores truth.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
I'm crashing over you.

My kid is better than yours
We live perfect lives
on our spotless floors
with our noses so high
they touch the vaulted ceilings
in our perfect house
on a perfect street
We are the Jones's
except I cry myself to sleep
My husband and I don't even speak
unless it's about our perfect darlings
who can do no wrong
We are a nuclear family
I'm just waiting for the bomb
Johnny's a bully and Mary's a brat
But no one will notice anything
but our greenbacks
I lost myself so long ago
I stopped keeping track
It's a beautiful life
And I'm the perfect wife

I didn't think there were words that would make me stop loving you

And then you proved me wrong

You're not who I thought you were

You made up the words and we sang the song

It must be a joke

And the joke is on me

"I love her" is not in my vocabulary

What are you singing to her

A duet of lust never felt for me

The song written for another is the saddest form of poetry

the days are generic like cheap beer
fade in and out and disappear
I drink them down
like they are
champagne and caviar dreams
these days
nothing is as it seems
I just expect
the rub
the bruise
the burn
the wisest fool
with nothing to learn
I hold out my heart
it's right here on my sleeve
such a
pretty
useless
silly thing
there is no new thing that is under the sun
another beer and the day is done

just a few more words
get them out on paper
they need to come out
like blood on a razor

it makes me feel whole
it makes me feel clean

though I am neither
somewhere in between

just a few more words
until I feel better
maybe this time
it will last a bit longer
or maybe I'll write til my fingers bleed

I want to
start over
something fresh
and brand new

Dewdrops kissing
the morning
describe my
thoughts of you

smells like
and tastes like
time to go home now

restless
senseless
time to go home now

falling
crawling
time to go home now

open
broken
**time to go home now

Don’t expect a journey
But you can come along for the ride
I’ve left a trail of wreckage
That’s miles wide
And I’ll never let you inside
My heart’s been always broken
And I pretend and I lie
I’ll smile
While I rip your heart in two
It’s all I know how to do
Because mine was ripped apart long ago
Before I knew what love was
And the pain is now numb
I feel nothing for no one
Don’t expect a journey
But it’s fun on the ride
And this train’s running out of time
The next crash might be the one
When it all comes undone
You might be the one
Yea you might be the one

There is nothing more exciting
than the perfume of your skin
I smell my hands
after caressing you
you are in
my eyes
nose
lips
I taste you on my tongue
sweet dew honey
heavy my eyes close
my head falls
under your spell
my armor unfolds itself
I am undone

when I get drunk
I think of you
so I get drunk
to have an excuse
to dwell in you
you're my muse
***** heartache
double shots of you

What did I do today?
Not enough
I didn't pray
I sat in a bar and wasted my life away
I didn't think about helping anyone but me
I am human and living in dichotomy
I don't want to write
I don't want to be a poet
I want to be ignorant of this world though I know it
What did I do today?
Nothing and everything
It ends the same way
The sun goes down
My eyes close and the world sleeps in its sin
The sun comes up
And I ask myself this question again

Snowflake, snowflake
fall to the ground
light and gentle
without a sound

Winter, winter
your air consumes me
in peaceful stillness
tranquil beauty

I left with nothing
and I could do it again
I learned how strong I am
I found my voice again
and you can't break me

Sometimes I wear anger, hate and spite
in a layer of ugly clothes
but I always cast them off
they don't permeate my soul
because you can't break me

I didn't want a war
but I'll fight til the end
I'm a ******* fox
I always find a hen
and you can't break me

You can wait to play the martyr
Cry like a babe needing it's mother
You can say I'm a *****
but I'll never be a liar
and you can't break me

I don't need money
I don't need fame
I don't need attention
I found myself
I know my name
and you can't break me

It's all or nothing
There is no happy medium
There is no lucky normal
It's not one or two dimensional
It's intergalactic existential
My mind is a spinning universe
Imploding with each new scenario

And I know you didn't mean to hurt my feelings

Fit in

or breathe in your own skin
Shed the past
Don't let the snake skin choke like a net
Close your eyes
to what's outside your cocoon
The noise so loud you wish for a silent tomb
But don't give up
You'll be a butterfly soon

It seems
my dreams
can't keep
well enough
alone

it's been
months since
I've thought
of you

and you
show up
feeling like
home

the dream you
is better than
the real deal

he makes me
think I
should go
back to sleep

the dream you
has never
left me

it seems
I can't keep
well enough
alone

you only love me in my dreams

You're my bell
I hear your name
and lose control
you ring
without saying anything
I can hear it
like your whispering
a silent symphony
filling the hole
where my heart used to be
You're my bell
you take me there
without trying at all
effortless and simple bliss
healing this hole inside of me
You're my bell
but it is
my heart
that sings