if only the earth did not separate us
i hear the droplets falling to the ground, hitting my roof
tapping at the neighbors chimes

“I love you.” you would say.

i smile sadly

I love you too

you are not there to hear me and your words, not even that

the pitter patter of the rain continues tonight

i love you

ahah...

i breathe in the cool air

i love you

with you
there was a warmth inside me
a purity i never thought could even come to me
much less-
consume me
it filled every crevice within me, no space was left inside of me
and then it slowly dripped out like molasses
slowly but surely dripping out with its sweet warmth leaving with it
loving you
was like rolling my heart in glass
left me with tiny wounds i have no way of fixing
but the sweet feeling i once had with you

i feel my body yearn for it
like it yearned for pain once
it doesnt want you
it wants the warmth and purity you once made me feel
the all consuming, head to toe, ever so sure love
except-

without you

i have to accept that i was just a place holder for you
someone you came to because no one else even scratched the bare minimum
loving you with all my heart was never enough because in the end i was never what you wanted

i am a convenience

there is no answer to why

disposable
even when i dont try

choppy music consistent in my ears
water boiling in my chest
the steam makes my eyes water
the bubbles pop to the rhythm of a song
scalding
a reminder of how much the skin around my neck hurts when i think of you

i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you

i-

****

there was a crack in my soul
then you picked me up and mended me
putting gold in the cracks

and then you dropped me again

now there are many cracks  
and the dust of the fools gold you left behind-

crumbled