I’m feeling quite lost at the moment
almost completely numb in a way
i feel as if all the love that ran through my veins
has evaporated into thin air
the feeling is almost sickening
it just feels so empty
and i’m surrounded by people that love me
but yet i feel so alone
and tomorrow morning when i feel the beach in between my toes and hear the waves crash up against my feet
a feeling of longing will be cured
i’ve never truly loved someone yet, i don’t think
call me a pyscopath, because maybe i am
but maybe one day when the wind dries the tears off if my cheeks
and when clouds fill half of the sky
when the stars whisper words of reassurance and beauty into my ears
and when the waves of the oceans and seas travel miles just to reach my open arms
maybe then will i feel “love.”
-gs

I'm getting quite tired of waiting
waiting for you
waiting for "us"
If you would even call "it" an "us."
Last night I couldn't wait
I picked up my phone, pouring the thoughts of my heart
into that little text box, and before I let my finger just push that send button
I stopped
resisting it with all my might; i stopped
I deleted word after word after word, watching everything reverse with a sense of melancholy elegance
I watched as the bar ran out of words to take from my fingertips, and then haulted
I froze staring into space; until I slowly turned my phone off and set it on my nightstand
I fell back onto my bed and nearly drowned myself in an ocean of blankets,
and let out a sigh of regret as my matress cradled my oh so tired back
I watched my dusted ceiling fan spin once, then twice, and then once more;
just wondering if you've ever done the same
if you've ever felt the same
if you've ever felt this feeling of melancholy elegance

As I pulled back the layers of mulberry
I watched the world around me slowly disappear.
I fell into a thin sheen that disolved as I reached out my hands
It was silent
Somehow eerily peaceful
Magically mysterious, intimidatingly intruiging
As I walk upon its Arabian sands I see a figure
dressed in silk and gold
the coins around her waist; rattling, scattling, chattering, scattering
she walks up to me with a swing in her rhythmic step
Her glimmering hands brush back the hair covering my face
as she brushes it behind my ear she smiles
she pulls the thick blanket of midnight over my weary eyes
And I fall out of it once again

rattle my bones like a xylophone  
pluck on my heart strings like a lyre
play your favorite tunes
until you set my soul on fire
play the digits on my spine like a grand piano
hold me warm and tight
place your lips on mine as if they were a trumpet
play my music all throughout the night
i’ll let you do as you please
but please don’t pluck too hard or too soon
because a broken heart makes broken music
and no one will love a heart thats out of tune

My anxiety is taking over
Holding the wheel on it’s own
Steering my brain into places
I’d rather leave unknown

It’s rips the words right from your lips
Twists them in ways I’ve never seen
Turns “I miss you,” to, “I hate you.”
Though I know that’s not what you mean

It paints blue over my eyes
Forcing me to see the worst to come
But crying blue for you gets boring
So I decided to just stay numb

Maybe you really care about me
But I guess I’ll never truly know
Because my anxiety is taking over
And never letting go

“Hold onto your hats!” he said.
“The autumn breeze is strong.”
I watched the dandelions waltz around with the wind
While the robins chirped a final song
There was a chill in this wind
That made leaves of gold fall off of trees
So I held onto my hat
While walking through this brutal breeze.
And then i looked right over my shoulder
And there you stood with wide eyes
They were two stormy seas
That matched these late autumn skies
Before I could send my smile your way
You disappeared, and I was pinned
And soon enough my heart died with winter
And you were gone with that autumn wind. - my heart shall die with autumn

i wish i could tell you how much i miss you
and how badly i want you
every time the thought of you crosses my mind
rain pours from the hurricanes that rage in my eyes
they pour because as much as i want you
crave you
need you
you are killing me slowly
but you don’t even notice

How far up does the sky go;
how tall must i be to brush the stars?
How high must i jump to hug clouds;
to serenade and blow kisses to mars?
How far out does the earth stretch?
Could my hands reach the Golden Gate Bridge?
Do i share the same sunsets with people miles away;
could i hop scotch across the Rocky Mountain’s Ridge?
How wide does the horizon spread?
Could i hold it in the palm of my hand,
or with a single step meet it face to face
and rest peacefully in it’s far away lands?
How much love fills up the world,
is it overwhelming with fluttering butterflies?
Is every prayed wish is another perfect stitch
in our navy blue, quilted sky?
This large world's roads are winding.
Yet, in my eyes, it's niether extensive nor tall.
With your heart in the palm of my hands
This sweeping world really isn't that large at all.

Look up to the sky
what color do you see?
As the wind brushes your hair
And birds are flying freely
Is it a shade of fading yellow
Painted over shades of smoggy red
A shade of sapphire blue
That holds words,  no one  ever said
Or is it a shade of wilted pink
Just like the shade of the sky that one night
When it felt like the world just suddenly stopped
And the setting sun beamed golden light
When everyone suddenly froze
Took moment and looked around
Appreciating all of the smallest details
That never seemed to make a sound
All the new people they met
All of the things they have seen
And for the first time in forever
We weren’t looking at a screen
But you didn’t notice the sky that night
You were too occupied in your own mind
Not allowing yourself to stop and breathe
When you just needed to open your eyes
And maybe you would’ve smiled that night
If you just hadn’t given up
Oh but if you just saw the sky that night
Oh if you would’ve looked up.

you were an old soul
you had a young heart
i was an old soul
i had an old heart
but some how we still managed to fall, without warning, in love.
When days were filled with collecting coins, cappuccinos, and baby blue skies.
Old thrift stores and faux pearls.
Yellow bicycles and daisy fields.
Those were the days, in which i realized
there’s no getting over you.

There was a force on my chest
pushing me farther and father under the surface of idealism
I'm gasping for a single breath.
watching words slip from my lips, as if i were blowing bubbles in a bath tub
and as my feet were inches away from the bottom,
I swam.
I swam past the currents
until neptune's jaw dropped.
And when I reached the top of the surface I just looked up.
When you've been sitting underwater for years, you forget what the world above looks like.
And I think that scared me most.
I could either stay down here, sad and regretful; always wondering, what if?
or I could take a chance and just have to accept what ever is out there.
my toes flexed as I started to swim upward.
The sun dried off the sorrow and bathed me in gold;
I opened my eyes.
Home.

One time I had a flower
Planted in my room
I gave it all the love and time
That it needed to bloom
I watered that flower everyday
Gave it lots sun
But after a while work got boring
And it wasn't fun
And so I left the flower
Dying on its own
Withered petals scatter around
Because I left it alone
So next time you get bored of someone
Think before you do
Because flowers need love to grow
And people need it too.

My favorite story in greek/roman mythology is the story of Persephone and Hades.
I always though that she was in love with him
That she was the good grace that saved him
Almost as yin and yang, two beautiful opposites that fell perfectly into what I described as love.
But as I read inbetween the inbetween of the lines
I learned that I was wrong.
She wasn't happy at all, she just couldn't leave.
She was trapped in a whirlwind of melancholy
Longing for a hand to grab through the storm.
And as she grew sadder, so did the world around her.
When she was not with Hades flowers grew inbetween her toes
and butterflies danced across the clouds,
But when she had to leave the sky rained monotone gray.
I was Persephone, I longed to help the hopless
and in hope of love being returned to me from the hands of god
all i was given, was nothing.
But then you came.
You swooped me off of my feet and doused me in saphires.
You showed me what it felt like to be loved.
I'll admit, the feeling is new,
But sometimes you have to grab the hands of fate and just hope that you'll be catched.
Because at the end of the day, why keep picking roses if they're thorns make you bleed?
Thats why I prefer Sunflowers;
and I'm sure if she had the chance, Persephone would too.

I’m in a bit of a situation
There seem to be weeds blooming all across my face
The weeds are red
They are blooming all aross my cheeks
All across my forehead and chin
and even some buds on my nose
I don’t like the weeds
And neither does anyone else
I’ve tried everything to get them go away
but nothing works, and they’ll always stay
these weeds make me sad
oh so sad
and now my tears just water these weeds
I refuse to show the world these hideous red weeds
i have been taught to hate the unwanted
and to strive for perfection
but perfection is something i’ve never known
so for the moment i cannot make these red weeds disappear
and from now on i’ll stop quenching their thurst with my tears
for now all i can do is love them
love these red weeds that cover my face
and hope that one day i’ll find someone who can love them too.

When you smell the scent of the perfume that I always used to wear, or remember the way your fingers used to feel running through my hair
The ways our eyes would linger, and long to watch and stare
I hope you’ll remember me

The days we spent wishing that time would forget to fly
Or the ones we spent watching pink clouds stumble by
I hope that our memories are soon to be written in the sky
I hope you remember be

For when our lives fall back into place
And my heart recognizes the sight of your face
I hope our hearts will end their chase
And you’ll remember me.

and like the rose you handed me the day we fell in love
we were golden, grand, beautiful.
but as time went on, we slowly fell apart.
petal by petal, day by day.
nothing gold can stay, and thats why we wilted.

My heart is in a million different places
When all I want, is for it to be here

You were a shooting star
Strung way far up in the sky
You never had anyone to talk to
Cause no one could climb so high
You would lay among a galaxy
Far out of anyone's grip
Except for that little boy in the corner timidly biting his lip
He wanted to leave this planet and travel up to the moon
So when he would be up there he could say he's been somewhere new
But he didn't know how to get there,
So he decided to follow your light
Climbing on strings that hold our stars
All throughout the night
And so he did what no one else did he aimed straight for the moon…
Even though he didn't make it he landed among the stars right next to you

Giving you my heart would be easy
And loving you would be easy;
if it wasn't for him.
him and his hands
him and his lips
slurring disgust while grabbing my hips
him and his voice
him and his eyes
I would tell you the truth but you'd only believe his lies.
It was like being shoved under meters of water
gasping for air, reaching for the sunlight above
but i just kept sinking and sinking and sinking.
swallowing all the words that longed to leave my mouth, it was like choking on water
while just sinking and sinking and sinking.
somedays I'd just let it happen, because what could I do, who would listen?
the feeling of his thrusting on my back, it was numbing
the way his voice would slither into my ears saying, "shhhhh just hold still."
that voice was chilling.
and no one even noticed, no one even cared.
I am trying to give my heart to you and I am trying to give my love to you, but his hands leave scars that I'm not ready for you to see.
So until you reach out your hand for me to hold
I'll just keep sinking and sinking and sinking.

”What is love,”
he asked while resting his head on her lap.
She brushed his hair back and resisted placing a kiss on his delicate forehead.
“My darling it’s right in front of you,”
Her lips longed to say.
She gazed into his golden heartbroken eyes,
She spoke softly with a sorrowful smile,
“I still long to know.”
And for the smallest millionth of a second
his eyes widened and his mouth opened,
about to confess the words he had longed to say
the words he had stitched on his heart;













but then he didn’t.

The cool brisk air whips across my skin,
the dark salted waves are soon breathed in,
inhaling and impaling what now lies grim,
the solem ocean blue.

It chills my spine, as it's escape unwinds,
losing track of time and sight,
My eyes go silver, my hair goes gray,
I die with infernal night.

No ships are looking for my remains,
Neptune plays such tortuous games,
I'm lost at sea and full of pain,
You solem ocean blue.

I am the rumors you've heard,
the whispers in the wind,
the dark of an old folklore,
the crazy that lies within.


For I am the dead of cool night,
a starless sky without light,
you shalln't put up a fight, for this very night
You'll join me in the solem ocean blue.

We take the Sun for granted
Like she’ll always be here
As if she is filled with golden rays
That knock away our fears
But what if all that golden light
Doesn’t repel fear itself away
But she’s just too scared to admit
That all of her demons stay
And she relies on the moon to watch her back
But she too has problems of her own
Yeah the stars keep her company
But she still feels so alone.
These two wonders of the sky have so much beauty in common but still ignore each other, what for?
If you would just open your eyes, and open your mind
You two could be so much more.

there’s a place out there that’s mine. a little cabin in Highlands, North Carolina that is sitting on a street corner. roses waiting to greet me by the front door, and maple trees standing with open arms.
there’s a love that’s looking for me. counting the same stars and wishing on the same sunsets. praying the same prayers and crying the same tears. I know you’re out there, and I dream of the day that i’ll find you.
there’s a life that i’m destined to live. and it’s filled with peppermint hot cocoa, rainy sundays spent reading by the fireplace, children running down the stairs for their favorite lunch- pb&j, morning bike rides to the art museum, and days filled with enough spontaneity to last a lifetime.
i don’t know how or when, but i know that sometime, somehow, someday happiness will find me, the sun will peak through again, and i will be where i’m meant to be.

Like the flower that sprouts in April
And buds in early May
To rise up to the golden sun
And bloom on a bright June day
I rose up to your golden light
in search for something more
yet all I found was nothing, even down to your core
Your empty promises wilted me
Like a flame to a burning match
Still I grapsed on for the life of me
when you hardly stayed attached
So as fall came around the corner
my leaves had blown estray
even as a small seed I still waited
to see if you'd be back the next day
but soon enough it got colder
and clouds blocked your radiant light
so as I fell dormant, in powdered snow
I watched you trail out of sight.
As March soon came into view, the ice melted into rain
the soil blessed me with new roots
My petals felt new, though they were the same
Letting go brought pain in the moment
and there's no way of knowing when,
You too will have your spring
and you too will start again.

Eyes so golden that the sun cries with jealousy
Constellations waltzing across the bridge of your nose
A smile so perfect only Venus could be responsible
Your lips humming songs that nobody knows
Your radiant skin is bronzed silk
Your hands wrapping me in an embrace
The moon rests in the words you speak
And your kisses stain galaxies on my face
I long for your presence night and day
And your soul fills my heart with joy
Oh please just stay here forever
Because I love you my sweet starboy

There are nights when a blanket of clouds gets thrown over the night sky
And there are nights I spend searching for a single star while lost in an indigo fog.
But my favorite are the nights when the stars shine brighter than the full moon,
because those are the nights seen by both of our eyes.
Those are the  the nights shared between both of our hearts.
Those are the nights,
no matter where we are on this Earth,
even if its only for a split second,
we are together.
You, me, and all the stars in the sky;
together.

I try to keep it all together
But everyone is dependeding on me
Everything depends on my sucess or my kindess
I can't do this I can't breathe this air, or look at myself in the mirror when I hate who I see
when I know that I can never stop being the girl that everyone hates
the girl that everyone talks about behind her back
the girl that everyone glares at and stares at
this girl who is selfish and stupid and insolent
this cruel, harsh, greedy persona is now permanent
shes lost in her ******* mind because the world is just as bad
she wants to ******* die, to sleep and cry
to let go of her sanity and just fall, fall, fall down into deaths arms
because my sickness just makes everyone's life harder and less liveable
I just wish I wasn't born as "me"
I wish some other unlucky soul had the burden of being this skin slashing human
But it fell upon me

My eyes met with yours
in gaze led across the room.
As I slowly fell into their radiating golden light, I got lost.
I saw a cottage made of stone and wood.
Surrounded by waltzing wildflowers and tall leaning oak trees.
The mountains perched behind us while clouds of cotton rested in the sky.
There were kin playing in the fields of rich green grass beside us;
chasing the faires, and fighting the dragons of their fantasties.
And then there were we;
old fingers intertwined into old hands, and wrinkled cheeks from smiling.
We rocked back, and forth, back, and forth, back, and forth.
I looked up at your gracious eyes, and you whispered to me
in a voice as sweet as honey,
"Now I don't remeber much spanish, but Thank you mi amore,"
as you planted a kiss on my cheek.
I blushed in shades of rose as I smiled and whispered back,
"Te amo."
And as those two words slipped from my lips,
in the blink of an eye,
from the chime of a bell,
We were back.
I was carrying my books
heading out of the Spanish classroom.
Our eyes still sewn together by the thread of fate,
you smiled.
I smiled back.
And that is when I knew you were the one.

The pearl flourishing from a clamshell
emerging from the caribbean sea
a phenomenon that even made Jupiter turn his head
you are an aphrodite
your skin warm golden sand
sunsets dripping from your lips
and the glistening ocean in your eyes;
The Birth of Venus

this noise is too loud for these porcelain ears of mine
they scatter with cracks as the noise grows near
this abuse is too rough for this porcelain skin of mine
each hit I take scuffs the baby pink paint on my cheeks
this sadness is too sad for this porcelain heart of mine
the melancholy that has been brewing inside of you for so long is now forced into my fragile soul
there seems to be no more love in this home;
I guess thats why they call it a dollhouse

Because people change
and times do too
though it may be hard for you to understand
I'm ending the era of you

lets go for car rides at midnight
count all the stars we can and cannot see
because though we can’t see it with our eyes
that one forgotten star
may lead to the most amazing universe
but we’d never know, because its just out of reach
lets drive down empty roads
and let these smoked city lights lead the way
let us scream to the top of our lungs as the warm breeze brushes across our faces
and let the sunrise the next morning be like no other
let the sun melt and fade into the sky like fondue
let the clouds form into images of the love we never knew we wanted;
or that i wanted
because although i felt a warmth that some call “love”
i was just a star
lost in the many that fill the sky
but to you i was forgotten;
to you i was a forgotten star.

When I could paint with the tips of my fingers
I brought life to the sensation constructed in my dreams
A finger-painting framed by, yours truly
But sadly, soon ripped apart at the seams.
The next week I decided to get down to buisness, once again
I had a clean canvas and a clear mind
Although my eyes enjoyed his vibrant color
He wasn't what my heart desired to find.
Tired and lonesome, I tried to come up with something more
Nights spent stressing on if this creation was wrong or right
Hoping the day would come, when I'd finally accept that he's good enough
but instead he blew out my last flame of light.
I scrubbed my hands with vigor
Swore I'd never paint again
Burned all the unused canvases to ash
I haven't been inspired since then.
But one day when I last expected it
Splashes of blue and green caught my eye
A creation I didn't recognize
But couldn't let leave and pass bye
At first I was unsure
Because I couldn't trust a creation not of my own
But I'm glad I leaped into spontaneity
Because If not I'd be missing the love I've never known
Although I've been loved before
And it's living torture to let my heart roam free
Instead of me creating the love I wanted
The love I needed seemed to find me.

from day one he held her fragile hand
tugged her along the cliff's edge
watched her through even the longest of days
or peered throughout the green garden's hedge
he tugged a bit harder the older she got
until her skin drooped like elastic torn apart
fed her alcohol like a bottle to a baby
popped her pills till it paused her heart
As he'd comb his hands though her soft brown hair
streaks of gray followed the strands he once brushed
he'd press his black lips on her sun spotted cheeks
and place a rotten finger over her mouth whispering, "hush"
he tugged her night gown once more in the rocking chair
as wind from the open window brushed by with a chill
he held the jagged dagger up to her neck
although his intention was not to ****
as he sliced her open, the scythe hit the ground
her eyes of glass finally stood still
he brushed her hair behind her ear and whisperd
"i promise, my intention was not to ****."
They walked away from the old rocking chair
hand in hand like it was from the start
because although life gives you your pulse
the reaper steals your beating heart

there’s a place where the broken hearts go
it’s lost in grey eyes and smoggy skies
there’s a place where the broken hearts go
and there i long to be
there’s a place where the broken hearts go
in weary sighs and midnight cries
there’s a place where the broken hearts go
there i will be free
there’s a place where the broken hearts go
in the back of our minds losing track of time
there’s a place where the broken hearts go
that’s where i will see
the place where the broken hearts go
is away from you and all that you do
the place where the broken hearts go
is a safe place for me

I see your reflection on a rain speckled window pane
I hear your voice in vinyl records calling out my name
You muse my soul so colorfully with every painting I brush
But when I caress the texture of oil on canvas that's when I feel your touch.
I see your amber eyes melting, like sap on a maple tree
When they stare deeply into mine, a salted, stormy sea
When a flickering flame burns down a wick I swear I see your face
and when i'm kissed by my garden's petunias I feel your smooth embrace
I feel your soul in the coursing creek, on the cooled slabs of stone
And in the ice cold water running through that I've always longed to know
Although I know your skin, there's farther I will go
because when I stare into your amber eyes there's more that I don't know

i miss the words never spoken,
the actions never taken,
the kisses that never kissed,
the songs that were never sung,
the glances that were never approached,
the calls to hesitant to ring.
the things that never happened are the things i miss most

Am I really that much of a problem
am I tone deaf to the vain that I speak?
Do I really never listen, constantly interupt, and drenched so deep in selfishness that I wreak?
Am I really that much of an issue
no one is fighting when I am around.
Thats why this teepee of a bedroom is home
Because if I step out  don't know how to stop the sound.
Am I really that horrible to close to
no one rushes up to see me like sea does to sand.
And the worst part of it all is falling in love
because I could freeze and shatter their hearts with ust the single touch of my hand.
I wish being me didn't **** so much
and maybe I'm just better off dead.
Because no matter how oblivious I am to my bloodthirsty language
I'll still play the victim in my head.

Do you miss the warm rain like i do?
The way it would caress our skin; it’s touch was light as a feather. Almost unnoticed, but too nurturing to be forgotten.
And when warm rain fell, the sun always followed.
We’d bathe in tender golden light.
And she would wrap us snug in her rays, only to let us nap on her sister’s green quilts of velvet.
In this moment nothing mattered.
There was you
There was me
And there was the warm rain.
Nothing mattered except for us.
We didn’t have to argue or yell, and no tears were shed.
Just you me and the warm rain.
It would dance across our sunburned cheeks and shoulders, mingle with our freckles, and get lost in between our intertwined fingertips.
Although my eyes were closed i knew you were smiling. Smiling the smile that i’ve longed to see since September.
I didn’t want this moment to end i just wanted to stay
stay
stay
here
with you
forever.
Mom yelling for dinner woke me up.
There were white tiles under my head and a shower head infront of my face.
i stood up, wiped the running water from my eyes, and turned the **** to the shower off.
pearls of water formed and chilled as i hopped out while looking for a towel frantically.
I paused the outdated song playing from my phone, that i once resonated with you.
I look through the fog on my bathroom mirror
and i see me.
without you
but i see love.
love inside of me, past my now fair and satin skin
beyond my fading freckles and rosy cheeks
there is love.
and maybe one day when the grass is green again, and the falling rain is warm
i’ll find love there too.
In the warm rain.

the women who came before me
were hurricanes of great power
so when the men of their time would see them, they would run away and cower

the women who came before me
were lush forests of great size
wide variations of kindness
leaving all in awe with their beautiful baby blue skies

the women who came before me
were frigid tundras of snow and ice
chilling all who came near to the touch
because the women who came before me
didn’t always like to play nice

the women who came before me
were the golden glistening sun
no matter their color, their religion, or who they loved
their radiant beauty blinded everyone

the women who came before me
were the moon, solemn and wise
always at peace and a state of zen
drawing people in and out with their eyes just like the tides

the women who came before me
were all the sparkling stars in the sky
connecting together to form constellations
beautiful enough to make you cry

the women who came before me
were so strong and so wise
they rise
they rise

the women who came before me
showed hope even in their cries
they rise
they rise

they’re souls will remain sewed
into my heart and the skies
they rise
they rise

because the women who came before me will stick by me until I die.
we rise
we rise

Who are you?
What makes you feel the need
To play me
Play my emotions
As if you were a violinist?

Why do you stare at me
With those condescending but kind eyes?
You always know just how to make me tick
Like a broken clock

How do you always have something to say?
Something that will make me blush
As if my face is a rose garden
And that smirk
That turns heads everywhere you go

And then there is that look

The look you give me
When the timing is perfect
And the chemistry is bubbling
Just a glance from you sends electricity up my spine

But why don’t you stay?
Why do you dowse me in gold and honey and flower petals
But then take it all back and walk away

Why

Why me
Why this
Why you
Why everything

If I could i would pull out the love covered arrow you stuck in my heart
But then that would just hurt even more.

i’m having a hard time understanding
because it shouldn’t feel this way anymore
but how do you let go of poison
when you can remember how water tasted before
when you can’t trace back the days when roses smelled oh so sweet
when you can’t trust enough to even let the soft grass kiss your feet
when it’s too risky to take off the blind fold that once hid you from the light
because you’ve just learned to love the abusive night
when you’re too numb to move a muscle
or too tired to even care
so you hold on and let them strip you down
because when you’ve ignored it for so long you tend to forget it’s even there
even though it beats me badly
i simply don’t know how to let go
because when you replace your water with poison
your roses will refuse to grow

you tell me you’re not like the others
you’d never hurt me like they did
and i want to believe you
you’ll never understand how much i want to believe you.
but i just don’t know how.
it’s not you, it’s me.

She spent day on day
week on week
month on month
year on year
trying to figure out what was wrong with herself
what made her so unloveable.
many told her that she only cared about herself;
an entitled, selfish, unloveable shell woman.
and all of those theories just made her laugh
because the last thing she could ever do is love herself.
she hated no one more than her own self.
she just couldn't do it;
love the unloveable.

on a day where i should’ve lost hope
where i should’ve given up and moved on
i fell in love with you all over again
and i hate that fact that deep down i know
this love will forever stay unrequited.

lets spend no more days doing what we don’t want to do
lets skip 4th period and just drive
drive down these worn down country roads
the songs of robins and sparrows fill the air
the smell of autumn and cinnomin donuts overflow your truck
exchanged smiles, and glances, and laughter
lets watch the sun melt into thr horizon
while the stars flicker in the night
whispering gibberish and placing kisses on rosy cheeks
thats all i want
thats all i’ll ever want.
all i want is your love.
but little did i know before falling
that your love is like a flame.
it’s there and it’s bright, but in a flicker its out,
gone, and never to be seen again.

Dear Great Grandma,
Thank you. Thank you for the loud 4 o'clock steeler games, and the snacks that followed them. Thank you for the Saris' ice cream dates that included and eruption of chocolate sprinkles

I love the way you speak to me when the night comes to an end
But I hate it when you treat me like just another friend
I love that when you listen, our stares are so surreal  
But I hate that when I’m around you I can’t control what I feel
I love it when you’re kind, and your cheeks are left flushed
But I hate that you leave me hanging, cold and untouched
I love it when you love me, and just when I start to believe it’s true
You say that love is the absolute last thing you’d like close to you
I hate that I can’t understand this, and I hate when you leave me alone, I hate that I simply can’t function without you, i just want to hear your voice over the phone
I hate that there’s not escape, and there’s nothing I can do, but most of all I hate that I want you to love me back, which is something I know you can’t ever do.

rip the seams from your lips
speak, just use your words.
because latley we’ve  been throwing our hearts against the walls through a screen and pretending we’re fine.
crying the words we resisted from sending through a text at 10:01 pm.
and wondering if the other will send a heart back with “goodnight.”
spoiler alert: it’s not gonna happen.
so please
please
please, just speak my love.
because the day you say, “I love you,” you should use your words instead of your figertips.

What a waste of a perfect night you were
Brushing past me like the winter breeze
Freezing my toes and fingertips
Leaving me weak in the knees
There were however a few times you were kind
And your eyes were locked with mine
I forgot what frostbite felt like
And that’s why it hurts most this time
I thought you were soft at the touch
With your warm and inviting brown eyes
But when I reached over for your hand
You froze me in the cold and left me to die
Stuck in this snowstorm of confusion
Until you were out of sight
And I can’t believe i waited so long for this
What a waste of a perfect night
- gs