I don't know what I did to make you leave.
I don't know why you would want to.
I thought I was yours-
-your shoulder to cry on
-your secret keeper
-your laughter
-your opposite
-your best friend.

I guess not.

Sometimes I think of you.
I think of you showing up at my house
in the middle of a snowstorm
with white roses,
hot cheetos,
High School Musical 3,
and your favorite sweater.
And you'd knock on my door
and I'd come running
and I'd open it up,
and there you would be.
You'd smile at me and whisper,
"I'm so sorry.
I made a mistake.
Please forgive me."
And,
because I love you,
I'd nod
and let you in.
We'd cuddle on the couch,
our bodies tangled in each other,
and we'd whisper,
"I love you."

Sometimes I think of you doing this.
Sometimes I believe that you are planning this.

But,
I don't know,
maybe I'm wishing for a Christmas miracle.
And,
we all know miracles don't exist.

It's midnight and
I'm awake and
I miss you.

It's been a week since we've touched
and I don't know how much longer I can go on
because I'm addicted to you
and your love.

Oh God, I miss you.
I miss you so much.

Your warmth slid through my body,
energizing every cell,
a tingling sensation.

You started at my lips and worked your way
down
through my throat
down my spine
past my stomach
around my legs
to my toes.

Part of me wanted to pull away
but I couldn't leave from your
mocha taste and firm grip-
my addiction.

I've never loved a sensation like this,
but I can't bring myself to tear away
from the caffiene that is your touch.

I thought that now
I'd be so more more
Alive.
But the ones that were there
When I needed someone the most,
Are slipping...

or maybe its me...

All I know is that I can't do this alone.

Is this real?
Are you really mine?
It's been a week and I still can't get over the fact
that for the first time in forever,
I am not alone.

You found me in the crowd last Saturday.
I met your eyes and I tried to run-I'm sorry-I really did
but there was no way out.

You gave me a hug
(oh, how I once yearned for your arms around me)
but it felt so tense, so cold.
I didn't want to see you.

You acted like nothing was ever wrong.
Like you hadn't fallen off the face of the Earth.
Like you still loved me,
but you know,
and I know,
it's too late for that now.

I hope you know that I still have your Christmas present.
I bought it when things were still good.
It's too late to give it to you now.

That night,
I was holding a rose from another lover.  
I hope you saw that.

I hope you know that he's better than you'll ever be.
He doesn't touch me like you did,
but he listens to me.
He treats me as an equal, not as an object.
You've grown up too much without aquiring respect and knowledge.
I know it's too late for you to learn the lessons he did.
I guess it's time for you to learn.

I'm sorry that I never told you
that I liked him.
I'm sorry that there are secrets I've kept
to myself,
away from you.

I didn't want to hurt you.

I'm sorry that things worked out the way they did.
I don't want you to think that I stole him-
that I did this voluntarily-
because I didn't.

It's just...
my heart does things.

I can't control it.

I'm sorry if you think I'm a terrible person.
You didn't deserve this.

I'm sorry that the one you are trying to love right now doesn't love you.
And I'm sorry if you find that out right now.
I had to tell you.

I'm sorry that I couldn't find the words to tell you these things.

I'm so sorry.  Really.

Forgive me.

I talked to your sister today.
She said she doesn't want you two to get back together either.
He isn't right for you.
She said that when you're with him,
she's lost a sister.
Well,
I've lost something almost as bad,
maybe worse.
I lost a best friend.

Goodbye.