I don't really know
But I feel like
I'm slowly breaking
losing it all
Slowly breaking
Inside
Trying to hide it on the outside
You three people
Make me happy
Happier than I've ever been
But you can't seem to make me
Genuinely happy
anymore
I'm slowly breaking
And I don't know why
I'm scared
Falling
Breaking
Worried
Scared of falling back into that hole again
She screams but no words come out
She finds it hard to reach out for help
No matter how much they notice
That she's not okay
She won't even admit it to herself
Shes breaking
Slowly
Falling
She doesn't know what to do
Or how to even handle herself
She's been through it all before
She can't go back
Back to that hell
She stayed in for years
She's so scared
HELP
she screams but nothing but silence
escapes her lips

writing is dumb
and I like it
because I'm stupid

Always

The art of forgiving: Not an easy picture to paint.

The flesh is so smooth and tender on your face
Right now I wanna watch you bleed
Oh how sweet your flesh would taste
Just take a bite of your cheek
Your dentist bill did you well
My teeth gnashing on your jawline
If there was a god I'd go straight to hell
Who's to say I would stop at one bite?
If I bound you down I'd go all night
I chose you for your eyes
Popping them out with nails
Burying my face in your thighs
I won't gag you, I like it when you wail
Just let me devour you whole
Like I did on our first date
I love you for your soul
Now get on my plate

I grew up on the boarder of city and country
On neo-folk and punk served with romantic classical
The kind of music that paints pictures
Rainy days were my favourite
My Mom didn't pay much attention to me so I learnt to play
With my wild imagination
Until Dad came home
He'd leave whenever he got mad "I'm going for a drive"
I loved dogs and horses and all natures creatures
Except cockroaches
Dear god did I ******* hate those things
My Mom was a pagan my Dad the member of a Catholic church
Mom told me if I am good in this life I'd be a unicorn in the next
My Dad just taught me the lord's prayer
My first friend told me I was going to hell
I knew she'd be a slug in her next life
School bells
I enjoyed school
I was a prodigy child in everything except math
Dad pushed me into Karate, Judo, Rock Climbing, Soccer, Boxing
I liked playing my piano and drawing my dog
Sports made me uncomfortable
My first kiss was with slug girl
She was pudgy and had a cute smile which I was jealous of
But she screamed and ran away
That was the first time I heard the term "gay"
I started to like boys because I thought it was "right"
My Mom said "we all love our friends" but my Dad frowned
I loved my Dad
I wanted him to love me too so I kissed the boy I grew up with
It was gross
I kissed many boys after that and tried my hardest to forget slug girl
We moved into the heart of town and I wore more black
I stopped playing with my Matchbox cars
I stopped galloping about like the horses I desired
I put on a little eyeliner and the bullying I faced when I was younger
Made me weak
It got worse
They tormented me those kids
I wished them all dead but I knew Karma would get them
Eventually
Now I am still drawing animals and writing and playing piano
But I wont ever forget my Dad and his silly beliefs and *** Pistols
I embrace my gayness although not to it's shining potential
But I will always love myself for everything I was
Am
And ever will be
My story is far more dark and complex than this but to tell it would take a lifetime
My whole lifetime
And more to come
x
Kaity