Anxiety
Its a weight on my chest
Something too heavy to be moved.
Its death,
Drowning without water
But who reaches a hand to help?
Who bothers to see, tries to hear?
I can't knock on a door,
Or ask for extra napkins
I cant raise my hand in class
For fear of being wrong
Its living everyday
In fear of mistake
Not breathing

I am a prisoner
To my thoughts
That run through my head
At my worst moments
I am a prisoner
To the way i feel
To the panic
To the fear
I am a prisoner
To the plaster walls
That surround me
That i call "home"
I am a prisoner
To this earth
And the people
i love on it
I am a prisoner
A bird that wants to fly
A girl that needs to cry
A human with a huge heart
That she is prisoner to.

I love you more than the sun loves the moon
I love you more than plants love water
I love you more than mickey loves minnie
I love you more than there are stars in the sky
I love you more than my heart loves beating
I love you more than snow loves cold
I love you more than peeta loves katniss
I love you more than bilbo loves adventuring
I love you more than every grass blade on earth
I love you more than i love breathing
I love you more than anyone has loved anything
And that will never change

Everything is starting to get to me
lately
and i feel myself breaking more
and more
And more,
especially with you gone now,
and nothing to fill the holes
you left behind..

Theres something about the summer
— the way the sun
Turns skin pink,
A blush which will
Fade,
Though the memories will not.
The way the light breeze
Caresses fiery skin,
The way the trees
Provide shaded cover
For adventurers
Looking to rest.
But for the life of me
I cannot describe
In avid detail
How sunkissed skin
Makes even the prettiest
Tan crayon jealous,
And i cannot possibly
Begin to match the blue
Of the sky
To the lines
On my paper.

Five,
Sleeping soundly
Snuggling
The teddybear.
Protector
From monsters,
Sword in paw.
Ten,
Tears rolling
Down her small face,
"Go back to bed,"
"You're too old
For this nonsense"
Daddy stopped checking
For the monsters
Three years before.
Twelve,
Turn on the lights,
Check the bed,
The closet,
Dark corners.
Fear creeping
Through every bone,
Off with the light,
Two steps and
One jump
To make it to the bed.
Sixteen,
Tear soaked pillows,
Blade in hand,
The only fear
Is for what she feels,
She stopped searching
When she realized
The monsters
Were inside her

Maybe the reason
I could not make myself
Leave bed
Is less because i didnt sleep
And more because of the fact
That i dread going home
Because home is not
The walls and doors that confine me,
Home is him.
Home is the way he smells, the way he looks at me
Home is laying on his chest
Feeling his heartbeat, each of his breaths
Home is his skin against mine
Home is his smile, lips, eyes, face.
Home is not just plaster walls that hold me in, keep me warm.
Home is wherever he is.

Its 3:00am

And I'm still wide awake

With the yearning

For your skin

Beneath my fingertips

Another day,
Another breath,
Another lie;
"I'm fine."

Lost in space,
Take away the pain,
Hold me in your arms;
"I'm fine."

A waste of air,
Close my eyes,
Sink into darkness;
"I'm fine."

The words they say,
Armor worn thin,
Pierced the skin;
"I'm fine."

Open wounds,
Heart on my sleeve,
Eyes swollen shut;
"I'm fine."

Swallowed the pills,
Cut too deep,
Lungs on fire;
"I'm fine."

I am me
I am
Needy
Clingy
Lonely.
I am
Irresponsible
Yet responsible,
Grown up
Yet still a child.
I am
Nothing
But also everything,
Lonely
But not alone.
I am
A contradiction,
An out of place tile,
A sad picture.
I am
Myself
And i wont pretend
That im not
All these things.

When the sun goes cold
And the earth ceases to exist
And there is no memory left,
I will still remember you
For you have left a mark
On my soul
So big,
I cold never forget
The love we share.

I am like water.
I can be a lake,
Calm,
Cool,
Relaxing.
Or i can be rapids;
Crashing,
Smashing,
Breaking.
I am unpredictable.
I can be
Scary,
Loud,
Intense
One moment,
And the next i am
Soothing,
Slow,
Smooth.

What keeps me holding on?
What is it that makes these dark, dreary space
In the corners of my mind
Bright again?

Take a deep breath,
Choke back a sob,
Remind myself
That im strong

On days when it isnt enough,
I let a tear slip,
Count to ten,
And breath in again..

Theres so much in my head
So much i want to
Tell you
But i don't want
To stress you out
My mind
Is a cold, dark place
Without you
And i can't help but miss
You, and the warmth you bring
You thaw me out,
Melt me
And god ****** id be lying
If I said i didn't miss you..

You pass me
As i am sitting in class,
Walking
Down the street.

You pass me
Laying in bed,
Laughing with friends,
Reading a book.

I see you
Your hands moving
As i stare
Wishing i were elsewhere.

You were alive
Long before me,
Long before life,
Long before the world,

Yet you're still young
To the worlds
Newest additions
Who are yet to know you.

You pass
Fast
When i am
Out with my friends

Yet you refuse
To come
As i wait
For a long night to end.

Eventually
My time will be up
And you will forget
I ever existed.

You will continue
As if i were never here
For you
Are everlasting.

When the day comes
That the world
Is no more
When

There is nobody left
To remember you
You
Will continue to pass,

You dont care
What anyone thinks
For you
Are everlasting.

It is the flame
Inside us
That licks our hearts
And burns
With passion.
It is the red,
Yellow,
Orange,
Colors of the fall
Kissing our affection.
It is an ignition
Of emotions,
A spark
Of adulation.
It is the heat
That conspires in one moment,
And the warmth
Of a strong embrace.

As the clouds rolled in
On my sunny day walk,
The cool wind
Nipped at my skin,
And the beautiful, fire-orange trees
Were rocking like
My grandmothers old chair.
The sky grew gray,
As if it too was getting old,
And the rain
Became tiny pebbles
Pulsing against my skin.