You were like spring  
to the winter of my soul.

Before I met you
I had favorite songs
I use to sing along to
in the shower
When I met you
I realized you liked the same songs
I would listen to them and smile
thinking of you
When you left
I still had your songs
I would sit in the shower
and cry while I listened to them
Now that I've moved on
I listen to the same songs
and wonder why I ever
stopped singing along to them
while I showered

I search the corners of this town
I search the eyes of the gentlemen
I search like a lost little girl
searches for her mother
with anguish, with fear
Fear of finding you in another's arms
Fear of finding you with another mouth
Even so, I hold onto the hope
of finding you whole
because all I've been able to find
scraps of you
I found your eyes
while star gazing in the dark Amazon
I found your smile
Near the bright, blue coasts of Brazil
I felt the soft touch of your fingers
while the wind played with my hair
in the middle of Los Angeles
I have not lost you forever
at least that's what I keep telling myself
And I continue traveling
with the hopes of joining the pieces
to form the puzzle that you are

I left my heart in your hands some time ago
and as I left I tried to take it back and it shattered in two
One side I took and the other stuck with you

I hope that you as well are looking for the other half

I want to hike up a mountain
and shout til my lungs hurt
yell out all the pain that
cripples my heart
so I’m reminded that
hearts aren’t made whole
just to be broken

I want to swim to the ocean
dive to the depths of it
till I’m surrounded in blue darkness
and look up to see the light
swiveling through the currents
only so I can feel what it’s like
to want to breathe again

I want to jump off a building
and feel the wind washing my face
and drying the tears that stream down it
just to know that there is still something
that would care enough to wipe away
the physical demonstration
of pain

They say
          home is where the heart is
and my heart is with you
           but I no longer have the privilege
to know where you take it.

I want to be with someone
who cherishes my writing
who treats my poems as
pieces of a puzzle
that make up my soul
someone who
views every sentence I scribble
as a map clue
leading to the final treasure:
my heart.

I.
You were there in the beginning
and you'll be there at the end

II.
You eyes were the color of the ocean
and your ocean drowned me

III.
I still cannot say hello
for fear of risking goodbye

IV.
She was right about you.
You were wrong for me.

V.
You weren't the first
but I hope you are the last

I wish I could write you a library
full of books containing all the
all the things I've been wanting to say to you
I wish I could send you the oceans in a jar
a drop for each tear
that spilled down for my face for you
I wish I could send you a desert in an envelope
each grain of sand representing the times you've
crossed my thoughts during and
run through my dreams
I wish I could send you the stars in a voicemail
one for every night I spent awake looking for you in the night sky
I would send you the moon on a postcard
To show you how far I've gone to find you in pieces of this world
the sun in a light bulb
to say that I still find the light that use to shine in your eyes
in everyone I meet

I would send you the silence in a small town at night
and the dark of a crowded forest
to show you my heart
now (but not for long)

Somebody asked me
If I knew
The person that
Use to be you
I smile and said
You were my friend
Were because
It came to an end
Were because
Of all the fights
Or all the days
As dark as nights
Were because
Of hushed apologies
Of poisonous words
Of twisted theologies
Were because
I guess it's done
The final started
The end has begun

My mind is constantly
Consumed with thoughts.
Thoughts if you and thoughts of me.
Thoughts on why the clouds are so grey and of why the wind feels so gentle today. Thoughts of why the stars like the night sky and of what it might feel like to fly. Thoughts of what the future holds, thoughts of the untold. I guess that's why my words are few...my brain thinks for the amount of two.