Purposeful relapse, but with a time limit.
So it doesn't go too far.

I want to get so drunk, when someone asks me how drunk I am, I answer "yes".

Partly for fun, and partly to learn what it's like not be me for a minute.

Even though you're cut and hurt
Remember
Beautiful flowers
Are the ones people choose to cut
and keep

I reread the same books over and over
And I don't care how many reasons you have to hate the series
These books are like people
Sure, they have flaws
But I love them for everything they are
I see their beauty, not their mistakes
I will always love them
Because they were my escape
When everything was crumbling
They were my friends
When people weren't
And rereading them
Reminds me
Of how beautiful it was
To escape
I don't care if you hate them
Just like people, if you don't like them, leave them alone
No on is forcing you to associate yourself with them
You don't need to go around spreading news about their flaws
Because you have many of your own
My emotions
Are connected to those books
Because they saved my life
So leave them alone

You were so hot I spun twice to see, call me a fan
Your regal youth made my blood boil, call you peter pan

You were like a boomerang I wanted to throw away but you kept coming back to me,
And maybe I've always been scared of hurdles and you were my biggest one, 'cause I just can't get over you, you see

I thought you were like a paradox:
Cool as ice and hot as molten rock

You were like a magician with words, drove me so crazy I was pulling out my hare,
You steal my heart like a pirate captain when I sea you standing there,

But you didn’t have any morals, I deserve to call you *****ible
Yet you still think you're cute. you know? leaving my house the way you came would be adooreble

I discovered your texts to her on my birthday, the cake was ruined with my tiers
You caught my Eye with your animal magnetism, but you’ve been a cheetah for years

What? you think this is a game? No, you don't have a clue!
You had a monopoly on my life and now your name is taboo

You said you needed some time and space to yourself you were the only one in the galaxy I Wanted,
I guess life never turns out how you planet and since you left I've been feeling haunted,

Why did I believe you were a great catch? Just because you master *****?
You made me think we could smash; every second felt like a brawl

Loving you was no gouda, though I swiss you now that you’re gone, it isn’t easy,
I said goodbye, It’s not you it’s brie, sorry that was cheesy.

You gave my life flavor but you were just a masked spyce that made my life sour like limes
I know I need to chili but you have really bad taste and we’re out of thyme

I need a holiday from your lies, my patience is running short
I’m better off with you gone, and leaving you is my last resort

I guess we didn't have that spark no need to be astunished,
all I know now is: IT IS TIME YOU WERE PUNISHED.

Long Sleeves.
Always long sleeves.
Even the summer.


Who here gets it?

I can stop myself from texting him
That's a start
But if I don't want to think about him
Well...
That's a whole lot harder
But I can't listen to love songs
Or sad love songs
Or sad songs
Or angry songs
Or Ed Sheeran because he loves his music
Or the song Riptide by Vance Joy because he loves that song too
This music reminds me too much of him
I can't use the word lovely
Because that was my favorite word he used to call me
And he knew it, so he used it all the time
I can't even wear dresses and skirts anymore because he always liked girls wearing dresses and skirts
I can't read John Green because he actually liked his writing style
And I can't read ANY quotes from Neil Gaiman because he loved his writing
He of course, had to be a writer and a poet so it's hard to read love poetry without his name creeping into mind
I hate how I can't even finish the novel I was writing because I included some events based off of some of my favorite moments between us
I can't look at pictures of England because he really wanted to live in England one day
I can't look his exgirlfriend who he still cares for who goes to my school in the eye because just like he always did I will always compare myself to her and I can never measure up to even close to what she is
I can't text the words "haha" because he used that instead of lol all the time
I can't even talk about him to someone without feeling pathetic
He just wrecked everything
He ruined my favorite outfits, music, music artists, writing, books, countries, and even my novels that I had ideas I was just so excited for.
I just can't get him out of my mind
And the truth is
I don't like him anymore
I really don't
but I do miss him
and I admit that
I don't want to
but honestly, I do
So it is just easier... to forget
Although with all the things that lead me back to him
It's proving not to be easier
and I kind of don't want to forget
because he was the closest I ever came
To really liking a guy
Who liked me back
and just like the tense he used when he said goodbye to me
I say liked
*not like.

It would be funny if there was a guy who yelled Ow! and felt like he'd been slapped every time someone broke a law, no matter how minor.

The Emerald Outcast

Am I the only teenage girl in the world who thinks about having an amazing relationship with her future mother-in-law as much as with her future husband?

“I'd love to tell you I had some deep revelation on my way down, that I came to terms with my own mortality, laughed in the face of death, et cetera.
The truth? My only thought was: Aaaaggghhhh!”

“I could have killed you.”
“Or I could have killed you,”
he shrugged. “If there’d been an ocean in Kansas, maybe.”
“I don’t need an ocean—”
“Boys,” she interrupted, “I’m sure you both would’ve been wonderful at killing each other. But right now, you need some rest.”

"My fatal flaw. That's what the Sirens showed me. My fatal flaw is hubris."
"The brown stuff they spread on veggie sandwiches?"
"No, Seaweed Brain. That's HUMMUS. hubris is worse."
"What could be worse than hummus?"

"How did you die?"
"We er... drowned in a bathtub."
"All three of you?"
"It was a big bathtub."

**Best chapter names:

I Accidentally Vaporize My Pre-Algebra Teacher
2.Three Old Ladies Knit the Socks of Death
3.Grover Unexpectedly Loses his Pants
4.My Mother Teaches Me Bullfighting
6.I Become Supreme Lord of the Bathroom
7.My Dinner Goes Up in Smoke
10.I Ruin a Perfectly Good Bus
12.We Get Advice from a Poodle
16.We Take a Zebra to Vegas
17.We Shop for Water Beds

I was helping my little sister with a fiction story she has to write for her school
She was creating a character
I told her to create some personality traits, some tendencies that define her character, some unique habits so that the character is sharp in the readers mind, like a real person, nothing vague. She then had me read what she had written.
Brace yourselves, her level of sanity is a little concerning...

Here it is:

**she can not talk because her mother died and now she is too angry at fish to talk

she is missing one hand because she had to do cooking at home to help out but she accidentally cut off her hand  

she does not have any hair because she has cancer  

she has a obsession with clowns and dressed up as a clown every year for Halloween

she is deathly afraid of daisies

she wants to be the prime minister when she grows up , even though she lives in the U.S  

her backup plan is to become a clown

she loves buying turtles as pets

she already owns 14 turtles and they are all either named Abrocombie or Fitch  

She despises the names Abrocombie and Fitch but she loves all her turtles especially Fitch who she nicknamed Bob  

she owns a leather jacket that she wears every day except for on the days she buys turtles on...
so she never wears her leather jacket

Spencer Craig

No matter what Lovecraft wrote on his ******* post calling people trolls I most certainly do NOT support the bully f!cking Thee Artiste. And also I like saying the word fajitas.that was very random. Im upset. Fajitas

I'm sorry, I know this sounds weak, but I don't think it makes me less as a person to swallow my pride and admit that Lovecraft hurt my feelings with his poem where he attacks beautiful poets on this site such as WickedHope who is magnificent in every way. He added me to the list as well. It won't pretend it didn't upset me... I mean he called me a troll. But I've heard so much worse. What really hurt was how he insulted WickedHope who is an inspiration as a poet and a person to me. Please no one like that poem it only encourages bullying like that. I can't see the poem anymore because he blocked me but please, in the name of kindness, don't Like his poem. I just really don't want something like that to trend.

You see, I, unlike you, have been made a prefect, which means that I, unlike you, have the power to hand out punishments.”
“Yeah,” said , “but you, unlike me, are a ***.”

"You're dead "
"Funny, you'd think I'd have stopped walking around"

So light a fire!
Yes... of course... but there's no wood!
HAVE YOU GONE MAD! ARE YOU A WITCH OR NOT!

"How much for me?"
"5 galleons."
"I'm your brother"
"10 gallons!"

The Creep That Loved You

Joe Cole.

They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD TO ISENGARD

I think of how easily I could **** people far too wistfully and far too often. I don't fantasize about a boy sweeping me off my feet the way I used to anymore, I daydream about killing the people who hurt me so badly I can't be fixed. I don't think that's a good thing.


half the time,



the person who broke me so badly who I want to **** is myself though.

I would watch way more sports if the ball would kick the players back.









or in like baseball, the baseball bats you in the head back. I would watch that.

...I think I am a bad person... LOL!!!

If were an alarm clock I would totally spend my spare time scaring the crap out of people at 3AM










or like, if they smack me when they hit snooze I smack them back.

Somedays I wish





you and I




would get caught alone

in a life and death situation where nothing matters anymore and any responsibilities or complications that used to exist have faded because we are going to die anyway so I could find out what is really on your mind, so I could tell you everything, because why not at that point? So I could tell you everything I've done, how I really feel and why I did so many things, everything that has happened to me, and hope that maybe, in our last moments of life, you would understand.

I don't like good dreams because when I wake up I realize how impossible what my mind just made up really is.

I was dancing
With him
I didn't even know him until I was in his arms
Handsome, though I hardly care
Charming, but because of his soul, not his words
And warm, in a way that wasn't physical
He held me like he knew what he was doing
Like I would be safe with him
Like a promise
In the most beautiful white dress
And I was beautiful
The most beautiful girl there
Everyone wanted to dance with him
But he chose me
And I couldn't believe it
We danced all night
And of course
I messed up the steps
Tripping over myself
Clumsily, as usual
But Lord I was beautiful still
And he just smiled and somehow found it lovely, that I was imperfect
He whispered to me
And we danced and danced
And I was beautiful
**Then I woke up

I think I'd like to have a British accent that sometimes randomly morphs into a Russian one.

MY MOTHER AND I IN THE CAR:

Mom: What ever happened to that boy you told me about?

Me: Oh, we kind of just stopped talking.

WHAT EACH OF US REALLY MEANT:

Mom: So, are you in some kind of secret relationship I don't know about? Are you meeting people without me hearing about it? Are you sneaking out at night to drink and do drugs and strip and sleep with boys? Do you have a love life? Tell me about everything so I can know every little detail of your life, freak out about it, obsess over it and lock you in a tower so you never ever date anyone ever or have any kind of a life because I am worried about you and I don't trust you but I love you so I am going to be as overprotective as physically possible.

Me: He turned out to be someone different than who I thought he was.
And also I don't trust you we have a terrible mother-daughter relationship and I will never confide in you because you would never understand that emotions are not logical and you are not always right mom. I love you, but I could never put my faith in you or count on you to carry me when I am broken.

And as the clock struck 12
You probably kissed her
With alcohol on your breath
And no trace of me on your mind

You are really lucky my best friends don't know where you live.

What?
Oh no that's alright

I never liked my heart anyway

By all means, please
go ahead and beat the living hell out of that useless thing

all it does is get me into trouble anyways.

Please, go on

Rip it out of me and stomp on it

Pierce it with a poisoned blade

What do you care?

You don't know how that would feel

How could you?

You've always been

And will always be

HEARTLESS

I can buy beauty
I can buy artificial happiness
I can buy ***
I can buy pretty lies
I can buy obedience

But

I can't buy respect

I can't buy creativity

I can't buy goodness

I can't buy trust

I can't buy love



That's why I don't want you.
Because a relationship with you
Would just be something I could buy

I don't have a new years resolution this year
But it always ends up becoming the same thing

"Aim to become less ugly, learn how to be pretty"

Still working on that

Maybe I'm shallow
Or maybe
I'm just broken

Maybe I just would like one year to he truly pretty
Because I don't have enough inner beauty to rely on that
And you know what

To everyone who sees me
I'm just and Ugly Girl.

Andy...

You are not alive anymore.

You will never read this as a living breathing human anymore, you will never click on this poem and read my name and be blinded by the brightness of the screen, but I wanted to post this anyway. I wonder if you are watching me type this in spirit form or if you are doing something else but, just know that I'm glad. I'm glad you are not suffering anymore from the dread. I'm glad you are not scared anymore, because waiting is the worst. I grieve for your family and I'm heartbroken for your friends, and all who loved you but you were truly the most inspiring person I have ever had the privilege to speak to. I hope from heaven you can see me, I really hope now you know my real name because it probably doesn't make a difference but it's something I wanted to tell you because, I mean, that's a part of my identity, that's me, and I loved your soul. I loved listening to you, I loved reading what you had to say I loved watching the people who's lives you touched be inspired by the amazing person you were and you know what, it felt wrong for you not to know my name but I am very wary on the internet, I don't give out personal information so I stuck to my screen name, symbolic for something deeper, a deeper part of me, so in a way it was a part of my identity like a name but it still wasn't my real name.

The cancer killed your body, but nothing could possibly **** your soul, and I hope to God you are happy now that you have passed on because if anyone deserves it, it is you Andy.

I think “Rest In Peace” has lost its meaning from overuse by now, so instead I will say

Rest happily, Andy.

“And” is a part of your name, Andy
And you were the “and” in everyone you met’s lives. Something additionalto people’s lives to remind them that there is an and not just the depression or sadness they feel in their lives there is an and to go along with their burdens and that and was HOPE. You were hope. I hope you are okay, I pray for you and like I said before, Andy, I don’t know where you are but if you read this where ever you are in whatever form somehow Andy as I said before I don’t know what you are facing, what is going on right now with you now that you have passed on but like I said before it’s okay to be afraid.

I don’t know what else to say.

There will never be another person like you ever for the rest of eternity, so thank you, for being you and wherever and whatever you are, I hope you Rest Happily Andy, and I thank God for the beautiful blessing I was given: Knowing you.

Ember Evanescent

It was two lipsticks and a secret ago
That a text message from you lit up my screen
But my phone goes off and I read your name
The boy who uses pretty words that he doesn't really mean

And my name is not plan B
But you're a tough craving to ignore
Don't you tell me I'm beautiful
The way you never did before

'Cause I hate the way you overuse
The same phrase every time we talk
And I hate the way you think you're something new
When you're just another cliché in the flock
I hate the way you cling to my mind
With the letters of your name you can spell what I'm thinking
But between your indecision and the masks you wear
I hate how I'm only pretty when you've been drinking

I've attempted to **** someone before



The dark part is




It wasn't an attempted homicide

If I ever have a daughter
I will tell her she is so beautiful every ****** day
So she can never forget, even if she doesn't believe.

If I ever have a daughter
I will listen to everything she wants to tell me, every freaking little thing even when I don't really care all that much about the topic even when her problems are really small because I know they are massive to her and I know if you don't listen when they tell you the unimportant things like what color boots everyone but her was wearing, she will stop telling the important things like how she has pretty much stopped eating altogether, sleeps with a blade under her matress and keeps a pill bottle in her sock drawer just in case the unexplainable numbness that won't leave her gets to be too much.

If I ever have a daughter
I will actually spend time with her
So that she and I have memories to look back on
Of things we did together
So I am her mother to her
But also someome she can trust
Not just the lady who feeds her

Some fears are paralyzing




1. We need to talk


2. A random text message from him


3. Passcode incorrect

I'm okay right now
Which is a big deal for me
I have fake candles in my bed
And even though it's just a flickering light bulb
Not a real flame
I have the candles balanced on my pillow
A few inches from my face
And that wavering golden glow
Is somehow comforting
Because as I watched the candles
I realized
No matter how dimly they flicker
They always flicker back to shining
So I know
No matter how bad I get
Even when my "shattered moments" kick in
I will be okay
I just need to wait
While the cold and icy hands of depression and numbness grip me
Because they WILL let go
I will be okay

The family all together over the holidays
It's always been a happy time
And that
Is really all I want
To feel that pure joy I always used to this time of year
Once again
Without those broken moods
Interfering
Because my inner demons
Have already taken every other joy in my life
And wrecked so many things that should have been perfect
PLEASE
Don't let them take Christmas too

Oh please
I'm bad enough sober
And I don't want to lose who I am
I get high off life
I don't need drugs
To be a happy lunatic
I can find a different escape from myself than substances or inhaling smoke
It's called writing

Psychological issues?

Sure.

I've got plenty.

I don't know exactly when it started
But some time ages ago
During elementary school
I just felt so worthless
Like I was numb
I wanted to feel
But I didn't know how
And it wasn't a sharp pain
I would welcome a sharp pain
It was dull ache that wouldn't leave me
I froze in my own icy thoughts
Maybe it was the loneliness
Or all the things those girls said to me
Maybe it was the insults or the whispers
Or maybe it was just my twisted mind
But whatever the cause
I tried to **** myself
When I was just a little 11 year old girl
When some girls were still playing with Barbies in secret
I was secretly playing with knives and ropes
I would take that blade
And scratch a cut into my wooden headboard
One slit in the wood for every moment that I wanted to die
Because I was too young back then to even think of my wrist
That came later
A few years later
And still
There are days where I just feel so horrible and sad and broken
For absolutely zero reason
It doesn't make sense
Nothing bad is even happening
But I feel shattered
I spent a year feeling so. hollow.
So f!cking hollow
I felt like I couldn't breathe
Like I wasn't alive
I spent entire days
Not speaking
I still miss the cuts sometimes, honestly
I like my scars
Which sounds terrible
But I trace them with my fingernails absentmindedly some days
During the darker nights
It comforts me
Because even though I’m not going to cut myself ever again
I can jolt myself into remembering the pain
And it is a form of relief in itself
I don’t know
Not something I can explain
Is that depression?
Probably not though, I feel bad suggesting it in front of people who actually for sure have depression when I haven't been analyzed
But still, it's not impossible I guess

I spent 5 years
From grade 5 through to grade 9
Which is pretty **** young
Feeling fat
Hating my body
Hating myself
I can see my ribs but I still feel fat
It’s okay I can fix that
Eating a little less
Skip a meal
Just skip lunch
Just eat a tiny breakfast, no lunch
No breakfast, no lunch but it’s okay because I have a good dinner
I think I’m losing weight
Is it bad that I’m in grade 5 and thinking like this?
This is great
I think it’s working
I’m in grade 6 now
Maybe I won’t be worthless if I become skinny
I can still see my ribs
I could from the beginning
But I still feel fat
Okay, less dinner now
Hide it well
Let’s switch
No lunch, a little dinner and a bit of breakfast
Just enough to stay alive
Although how much to I really want to stay alive?
Fat.
Look at my legs
Look at their legs
My thighs God I hate my thighs
Eat less
Eat less and less
Until I’m basically surviving on snacks and just the beginnings of each meal
Just enough to take a few bites before they leave the room for a minute
Just long enough for me to throw away my food
But I don’t think I’m losing weight
I will never be enough
7th grade
Just a little less
Don’t tell any of them
Losing pounds
Check my reflection
I still feel fat
I try to be less so I can feel like I’m more
But does the number on the scale even matter anymore?
I’m promising and promising I ate before I came
But these pretty little lies are driving even me insane
And they can’t see through my smile they can’t figure it out
I’m slowly killing myself
From the inside out
Pretty soon, “I don’t feel well” is my favorite phrase and an everyday thing
A justification for my small portions that I don’t finish
It’s true though
I don’t feel well
I feel worthless.
It continues into 8th and 9th grade
Worse and worse
Looking up the calories of different food
Surviving on water and tea
Just enough food to stay alive
Though I really don’t care that much about my own survival, really
Is that anorexia nervosa?
I doubt it
But it’s a possibility I guess

I look in the mirror
And I feel so f!cking ugly
I literally cannot find ONE thing I like about myself
I cannot leave the house without makeup
Because I am SO ashamed of my own face
I genuinely feel bad for the people who have to see my face
I cry sometimes, because I look in the mirror and see my own worthless hideousness
I remember that sleepover I was invited to with the popular girls and I wondered why
When I got locked in a closet, got soap sprayed in my mouth and locked outside in the freezing cold snow without pants on when I was just trying to change into my night clothes
That’s when I knew I had been invited just so they could torment me
I don’t like being the entertainment for the party
I tried to just go to sleep because if I called home I would look like a coward
And my mother who NEVER let me go to sleepovers would get to say “I told you so”
And when they thought I was asleep
But I wasn’t
I listened to them talk for a full hour
My eyes on the clock
My ears on their conversation
“Is she asleep”?
I didn’t know they were talking about me until I heard them mention my name
When they talked for a full f!cking hour
In detail
About why I was ugly
On what levels I was ugly
The degree of my ugliness
I didn’t cry
I didn’t sit up and tell them I could hear them
It would be too humiliating
I listened
And I know they are right
But now it’s getting bad
My face doesn’t even look human to me anymore
It looks like some sort of beastly troll’s face
It looks f!cking hideous
My mother is worried about me
Because I can’t even look myself in the mirror when I have no makeup on
Because I Freak. Out when it is suggested that I might have to be in public without hiding my ugly face in makeup
It literally affects my ability to function properly in everyday life.
The thing is, those girls said it
And they ALL agreed
So if I REALLY had dysmorphia
Then it would all be in my mind
And if they all agreed I was hideous
Then I must be
So how can it be imagined?
I don’t know
Anyway
My point is
I suppose
MAYBE
It is possible
I have dysmorphia

But
Depression
Anorexia Nervosa
Dysmorphia

Those possible diseases of the mind
I
Have multiple
Psychological issues

BUT OCD IS NOT F!CKING ONE OF THEM

How dare he suggest such a thing
Just because I
“Always seem to be working towards something”
Excuse me for not getting drunk and high and naked
Putting off work
Not caring about anything
It’s not OCD though
It’s just called going somewhere in life
Because I may as well
Since in my mind
I’m hopelessly lost

In my opinion, homemade gifts are really the most incredible.

If "disposable" is one of the words that come to mind when you think of me, even if it's intermingled with "beautiful" and "lovely"
I don't need you in my life

The problem is I do like him.
I certainly hate him
But I also like him.
I like the way he capitalizes the beginnings of his sentences over text,  I like the cute little crinkles that appear in his forehead when he smiles
The coy way he responds to flirtation with something like "Oh really now?"
I like how he calls things "sweet", the way he says "aww" I even f!cking like his annoying as hell overuse of the phrase "haha" when he texts which ****** me off,
I like how he is the only teenaged boy I know who says something is "quite" fun and how he uses the word "lovely" to describe things because no one uses that word anymore and more people should.
I like how he has an immense love for Spiderman,
How he has all these aspirations of travelling all over in the future
I like how he wants to live in England one day, I like that he is into cooking and drinks coffee and hot chocolate and how his favorite book is "Looking for Alaska" and how he's read everyone of John Green's books and how he wants to be a writer one day.
I just remember the dumbest little things that I still like about him
For instance how he likes Neil Gaiman and loud screamy music even though I hate that stuff, how he is the only one in his fractured family who doesn't speak French but his older sister and mother do. He has a dog named Charlie and when he was a kid he always spelled "subtle" wrong. I just don't know *** is wrong with me I should have known better. I should hate him for half this stuff and all the rest of the reasons I have to loathe him but it's hard to forget those little details about him. I just hate feeling like a broken lock. A lock of dark secrets and completely irrepairable. Though it's not the fact that Im irrepairable that bothers me as much as feeling so... replaceable. Idk. Maybe I need to go out with someone to get him out of my head.

I as much as I hate to admit it,* I honestly love him more than the sun.



Although...

+

+

+

+

+
I absolutely despise the sun with fiery loathing...



So I suppose that leaves him in the **"I really hate you" slot...

My hands are too small
I can't catch all of your pain
I wish I could save you from yourself
But I am not strong enough
To beat the darker parts of you
And the lighter parts of you
Are no match for your inner demons
But God I wish I could take your pain
And bear your burdens for you
I promise you though
You are a candle
Candles flicker
But they always flicker back to shining
There's no sense in blowing out a candle
Just because it is flickering
It will be okay.

I don't know
It's fine
No it's not fine
I'm not fine
No I'm okay
This doesn't even make any f!cking sense
I don't know
Why am I feeling like this
I need a distraction
I NEED A F!CKING DISTRACTION
why am I yelling
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm (not) okay
Whatever
Someone stop me from texting him
Before I make an even bigger pathetic ***** of myself
I feel like an emotion-****
That doesn't even make sense
I think I need to find something else to get my mind off him
I think I need to find someone else to get my mind off him
I don't care whatever
Except that I do
Don't let me text him
PLEASE stop me from texting him
My mind is driving me insane
I give up.
No, I can't give up.
I'm going to stop
I won't text him
I think.

Remember
When the scariest thing in the world
Was the dark?