What does it really mean to betray someone?
What if the someone means something to you?

"Friends don't go behind friends' backs to talk about them"

But that simply isn't true.
Human nature of relationships is crossing lines and building walls.
These wounds can be healed.

A true friendship has its ups and downs.
A true understanding has flexible limits.

A true betrayal occurs without reason.

For the common good of others.
And the protection of what's right.
To push aside the hypocrisy.
And to sacrifice yourself.

This is what draws the line.
Separating the right and the wrong choice.
To see the outcome before the strike.
Thinking through each move you make.

Holding on until the end.
To not betray someone called friend.

You rip me at the seams,
And make me more tattered than before.
How dare you wear me down,
And not be punished.
And how dare you not give me a second chance,
And just toss me out.

Some people keep things, and renew them.
You kept me but only until i was no longer what you wanted.
You cut and tore, you bleached and stretched me.

You toss me out

But i sit here hoping someone picks me up
And makes me beautiful.
I hope someday someone will patch up my tears,
And dye all my stains my very favorite color.
I hope someday i keep somebody warm.

No apparent cause
No apparent reason.
Inexplicable.
Tears streaming down her face like flowing rivers holding all her secrets.
Music blasting to cover the sound of her pounding heart and chilling screams.
Fingers running through her hair as she grimaces at this mask she wears
With a beaming smile and rosy cheeks that yell "I'M DOING FINE!"
Because the louder she shouts it the more she believes it herself.
It's inexplicable
Why she feels this way.
Looking for a way out of her own thoughts she runs into memories she thought she forgot.  
Her parents screaming about how to pay bills as their daughter watches with shivers running down her spine.
Friends luring her into a world she vowed not to join with their bottles glistening in the light and the smoke surrounding them clouding her judgement.
Yet it's inexplicable
How she dealt with the voices in her head and the endless possibilities of how to escape them but there was always that one catch.
She hung on for dear life to the rope that would take her dear life.
But she was running out of reasons why her dear life would not be a reasonable sacrifice.
She put up with herself for so long and now, as she crumbles onto the ground, she finds every feeling gushing out of her.
Every night she had spent hugging her pillow.
Every dream she had dreamt that didn't work out.
Every friend she had found that thought she wasn't enough.
Every promise she was given that in the end it would be okay.
For so long she told everyone that she was strong.
She could handle it, she could push through.
But there comes a point where even the strongest ones break.
And when she broke, she thought she'd never be put back together.
For the remaining shattered shards of her heart were jigsaw pieces and no one had the time to sit down and glue them tight.
It's inexplicable
Why this sadness dominates even the happiest of moments.
The realization that nobody can fall in love with someone so broken and hopeless sinks in.
And she sinks to the floor
With her inexplicable sadness.

- p. winter

I feel much heavier these days
I sleep a lot, and I paint with browns
Light ochre and soft greys
You tell me that's what you've noticed, anyway.
I forget to do my nails, and leave my hair up
Let it grow out and longer than it suits me.
Sometimes you tell me things have changed and tightly hold my hands -
I laugh and pretend I don't understand.
I used to read a lot, read to you -
Anything I found, poetry and song lyrics
And books I'd bought, or old ones that i'd suddenly see anew
when I'm seeing you,
over the top of the pages
Sitting opposite me crossed legged
Mimicking my voice
Laughing till we're both lightheaded.
Years ago you used to replace the flowers in my bedroom every morning
I told you to stop and that lilies were getting boring.
Today I got up extra early and painted my nails fuschia-pink
And cut big handfuls of daisies for the vase above the kitchen sink
When you came down from bed I looked at you over the pages of my book and said
"Remember this?

what heartbreak it is to feel a storm in your chest everyday.
to feel like you don't belong in your own skin.
and i know one day we will all be happy
because that's what they tell us right?
but i swear to god it has been cloudy and raining everyday.
I've been praying for a sunny sky for days
weeks
months
years.
And i know
i should be happy.
But how does one find happiness
trapped
like a prisoner
in their own mind.