I can't seem to shake this little quiver
          where my heart aches
   that leaves me with doubts
            and no faith,
        I don't wanna believe
     this is all another mistake
          but this tiny little voice says
                    it's all fake.
    It's in the back of mind,
      I think of all the other times,
             it scares me
   cause I want you as mine.
      Everyday that you say you love me,
            the voice gets a little quieter
and every time you say I'm beautiful,
         my eyes get a little brighter
    and every time I hear your voice,
the weight on my shoulders
              gets a little lighter.

I unpacked your boxes too quickly.
I exposed the whiteness of your thighs
freckled by the reddish-brown hairs
I uncovered the wrinkles in your blue iris
the lies and tears behind your front teeth
evenly crooked

I wanted your words to flutter from your mind
but they dropped from your throat to the floor
I wanted your laughter in your core to be kind
but it came from a shallow, envious drawer

I pulled strands and veins out of boxes
Found bundles and tangles
that I assumed should be unraveled
but when I pulled and twisted one straight,
you left in your car with a crunch in the gravel
Drove straight into the arms of
Malbec wine
at low rise tables with one chair,
an excerpt from a novel bent at the spine
and the sweater you never let me wear

I drank from the pint glass you brought home for me
and it wasn't a statement.
I wore no mask.
I simply sipped.
It's only meaning to transport water to my lips
Calmly, coating my belly
So slowly I'd wait
Imagining water burning like *****
Barreling down my throat
like an interstate

I wanted it back
the feeling of feeling
the fear that walks with revealing
the love, the artist, and the lunatic
all cooked together and left to steep

I pulled out my own strands
the ones anchored deep.
I worked endlessly to straighten
You wrapped yourself in my veins
to tightly
You were trapped in the bundle
so you ran, then came a stumble
forgetting that I was anchored too
and so you pulled me right down with you.

And I left you there
with your tearful stare
I bunched up these strands
and laid out my demands
I carried them off, the tangled mess
You once announced was yours to hold
but you overestimated yourself
and watched me become cold
A block of ice, you could never melt
you were not all, you were not my wealth
you were only the weight I felt.

I did run at the holy land
Simply a place of no fun
So I'm back here again, to be heated by the sun

Ants carried cubes out the front door
piling into a cube truck
until I could see the living room floor
Everything moved and tucked
into my earthy living space
I packed you in envelops
put you away, but never to erase

I learned about the things you'd done
to keep our bread from molding
to replace a broken ladder rung
but you couldn't keep from folding
along the premade creases in your sheets
I couldn't stop you from holding
Five year plans separated by five day weeks

I woke up as someone I didn't recognize
belonging to the street lamps
instead of the summer sun rise

I fell asleep against computer screens
and hardcover books
Learned how the world never leens
to fit your perspective or new outlooks

I tried to place you in a cookie cutter
but you didn't fit the mold
so I let you spread and run like melted butter
along the creases, you naturally fold

I waited for you to stand on your own
then I learned about how being alone
doesn't feel like
icy hands in the morning
single cup coffee, crescent moons
or long car rides east in the afternoons

I could feel emptiness in your fumes
how the distance in our shared bed
made you wait for the darkness of new moons
So you could wander the sheets clearing your head
in the blanket of the night.

I thought you were searching for a light
to help guide you through
the galaxies between us
in our electric room

You pulled art we bought in markets
off the wall
You drifted in the reservoir, plunging under
to avoid my call
You took half the books
So I piled and stuffed my things in nooks
of the little room we moved into last July
we set up our first house
and knew it was a short-lived lie.

A beauty that keeps him admiring, cannot resist the view
Magnificence that continue blooming, as cool as morning dew
Picture perfect that is unfading, as long as he is in love with you
For Anna Marie he was striving, as hard as water buffalo

Days sometimes are so tiring, but with her it'll never be blue
As long as Anna Marie beside him, he'll never be in woe
His couch bed a memory of kissing, a lips that to him eternally new
Heart won't stop pounding, for you Anna Marie he'll keep saying I do

A loveliness that is undying, her skin he always chew
Night by night they are petting, but they never leave a clue
Really a wonderful journeying, if and only if this story was true
Ana Marie is a part of day dreaming, in a world that he only knew


written: October 16, 2014 @ 1:50 PH TIME

Mysterious Aries

Sometimes, you haunt my dreams
I wake up, barely able to breathe
Maybe that's why I find it so hard to sleep
I can't help but keep the door locked
It's like I'm being mocked
Your shadow is stalking my routine
Every daily thing holds some bad memory
I really just wish you'd die in that cell
After everything you did to me
You deserve to go to Hell