we would throw pennies in the fountain
but never make any wishes and
our last goodbye felt like the sinking feeling i'd imagine the pennies felt          
when we threw them because it was so useless
you told me that you loved me even though
you and i both knew
it was a lie
I always knew it was
your love it was like a drug that was bound to break; a rubber band
that had been stretched and used far too many times
yet it was that same rubber band that I had around my wrist
and I never took it off because
even with all the lies and the excuses
all the drunken nights and
worthless apologies;
i loved you

in the songs that you would write the day after we had a fight
you would compare me to bottle caps;
the ones that you would so easily pop
but when you would write your songs you would compare me to
the bottle caps that reminded you of innocence
of your childhood
you told me that I reminded you of the bottle caps you collected
from the farmers market across the street
the same farmers market where we stained our teeth with stolen cherries
you compared me to the bottle caps that brought you happiness

i wish i could say the same

*i threw a penny today into the fountain
and made a wish;
to forget the sight of your smile when
it was stained with cherries

i have problems
the voices are back
someone help me
- - -
if i just keep laughing
maybe i'll die of hysteria
- - -
i wonder if what i am
even counts as living