for so long i fought to protect you from
the world, to hold your hand every time it
stretched its out for yours, but i realize now
i failed miserably.
not because i didnt try, not because i
wouldnt have given myself up for your
sake, but because you needed to be
saved from yourself.
i realize now that i can no longer save
you, and baby im sorry i let you down.
im sorry, im sorry, im so ******* sorry.
im sorry and i know i keep saying it, but
it's all i know how to say anymore.
every time i look down at my hands
all i see is your name written in all the connecting lines of my palms, so i shut my eyes.
but that never mattered.
i still see you.
in every ******* thing.
if im still enough i can still feel your
arms around me, when my body grows
lonely and yearns for connection.  
out of all the people i could have loved,
i made my mind up to love you, to
become one, with you.
and i hope someday that makes
you feel enough.

Where were you when I started crying every day at 2?

Where were you when life contemplating was the only thing I could do?

Where were you when the pain of every thing that has ever hurt me hit me all at once?

Where were you when I found the razor blade and started cutting again for fun?

Where were you when I cut too deep and the world slowly faded to black?

You aren't here, you never are, so who knows whose fate is that.

don't tell me what hurts
         i could see the twisted pain written across your face

    what did you expect

you've known me so long but i know
          you don't really know me at all


you see me
                              but forget what i look like
you hear me
                              but have never really listened


                so don't tell me what hurts
                when you've never been torn in half

How can we be so close,
And yet you don't feel the need to consume me, to touch me?
I begin creating constellations
Out of the freckles on your arm
And I take sips of bitter coffee,
As I remind myself,
That our love is temporary,
And that one day I will be waking up
To the empty cries of the wind,
Rather than your drowsy eyes.
You tell me that you'd do anything to make me smile,
But I doubt you'd wait long enough,
To see the crease around my eyes form.
I want your words to resonate across my whole body,
But do you?

The worst thing in the world
you can do
is hurt a child...  
What hurts more
than being kept away
from someone you love?

What are we supposed to do
              with the string of hearts you've united in beautiful knots

Fading out of our lives without a chance to say goodbye

Your smile felt like home
                   and your voice was the calm in our storms
But your storm raged on
                   and you fought for so so long

         I'd like to believe you won anyway