I'm trying so hard to breathe
But the burning in my chest
The flames in my soul
Make it impossible
I lack the oxygen I need

I'm trying so hard to stand tall
But I'm starting to fall
Because the weight on my shoulders
Is heavier than boulders
I simply can't have it all

No we can't have it all
But we can have nothing
Nothing in common
But the weight of the world
Watching in awe as beside me you fall

And the embers, they smolder
For an hour or a day
As the breath Ignites once again
Consuming the smile
Before it is ever born

I'm trying so hard to just be here
But I'm beginning to doubt
To lose my faith in happiness
To bask in all my loneliness
I need help to figure it out

I'm trying so hard to believe
In the unknown, in what I can't see
But life is really bringing me down
I'm just gonna paint on this frown
I'll never find someone to love me

So, to the flaming death of joy we toast
Taking in the screams
On the decent of all who falter
I watch you fall in silence
Sharing a pain that consumes everything

You are focused on nothing
I am focused on you, oblivious to all
My loneliness beaten back by your own
If only momentarily we glance past each other
The air too heavy to revive all that is dying

I'm trying, I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING
All I can feel around me is the dying
I see the painful look in your eyes
I know it's simply your disguise
I want you to know, I really am trying

I'm trying to breathe, to stand, to be here, to believe
But all this death is surrounding me
Dragging me down, into my darkened soul
A place I know, you'll never follow
I need help with my feigned destiny

*One cannot follow what is right beside
Bathing in the aftermath of despair
Weight of the world, of lost souls,
Of the intangible yearning to feel
There is only loneliness for fear of sharing

Afraid of loosening the grip on the comfort of stagnant pain
or facing the nothingness of the unknown
We look but do not see anything save our own pain
No, one cannot follow what is right beside
I'll hold your pain if you'll hold mine

I'd be consoled
for rain to fall on my face
because right now
I feel nothing
about anything

Soaking wet
in a rainstorm
might wash me clean
and maybe tomorrow
I’ll feel again

For so long you've craved my touch
The feel of my arms around you
The warmth of my breath on the back of your neck
To feel my heart beat against yours
and rightfully so
I know that I am broken
What YOU don't know about is all of the times that I try
I TRY to hold you
I WANT to put my arms around you
I WISH that our bodies were pressed against one another
I KNOW THAT I'M BROKEN and so ...
So in the stillness of our early morning hours
window open, bedroom welcoming the breeze
the artificial staccato of rain in the air
despite my fears and to say nothing of the miles between us in our bed
I move over, inching closer to you
Blood warming, Heart quickening
Once flesh meets flesh...this should be HOT
My right foot slides across the bed to rest up against yours
I slide my body even closer to yours now
sure that you will meet me any second
warmer... quicker
And from her mouth...a soft giggle and these words

"You have all that room and I'm like, right on the edge"

I moved back to my side,  without so much as hinting of the disappointment and rejection that I felt

Amazing how two people can want the SAME thing and
yet, somehow... we still found a way to miss each other
In the confines of our own bed!
(A soft sigh with a frustrated, gentle smile)  Note to you:
I stopped by to see you this morning, you were half asleep I fear
Do wait up for me tonight!
Anticipation is SUCH a rush ~