she wonders why
she goes for the type of guy
who is too far from her
too far out of her reach
she: actually loves the thrill

she thinks that
it's just bad luck that all the guys
she likes rarely reply
take way too long
she: loves the suspense

she waits patiently
for the day that some guy, anyone
will want her as much
as she wants them
she: scares them

she's passionate
she dives in deep
and she needs someone
a thrill-seeker just like her

.
If our eyes
Should latch
Whilst pretending
To gaze unconcerned,
On some inconsequential street
Into days with sun and rainbows,
Dandy as lions on fields of praise,
Magical in bluish skies, mysterious
As eyes grasping without guile nor plan
Nor pains, then we might love as birds low,
Sing above, then we might truly be, become
Alive in the light of another lone, pining star
Under the infinite, shining, unruly heavens.

When I was young
I didn't have any doctor bills
now I get statements
special delivery, envelopes
full of X-rays I hold up
to the moon, that rock
sinking deep in my gut
looking like all of those cold
feelings I've swallowed
the many curses held inside
wooden matches chewed twice
and not spat out, a cancer
like a two-headed speckled trout
swimming around
trying to find its way out
when in fact it's just a feeling
I get trying to swallow regrets
one rusty old fish hook at a time.

i could never ever  forget the night i met nari. it was like magic, like the powers that be wanted our destinies to collide, to crash, to blend.

it was the night a meteor shower was to come to my small town. people came from neighbouring cities just to see them, these bright lights, these shooting stars. everyone was camping out, the high school's football field covered with trucks and blankets and tents. There were even people cuddling with blankets wrapped around them in the bleachers, their words filling the air as they prepared to stare at the sky, prepared to see something more beautiful than anything they'd ever seen.

i was doing the same, sitting in the back of my dad's truck with a blanket over my shoulders, but i was beginning to doze off. i was feeling a sensation much like falling, when i heard a someone speaking in my direction.

"need help staying awake?"

it turns out, i didn't need to stare at the sky and see a meteor shower to see something more beautiful than anything i'd ever seen. i just needed to open my eyes and look at her. she was smiling, and god, she had a smile that grow flowers, birth stars, and mend butterfly wings. and she was smiling. at. me.

I should have known that everyone was right,
But I wanted so desperately to believe,
That maybe you could actually care,
Its only myself I had to deceive.

I was blinded with hope and happiness,
My dreams were starting to come true,
But I wasnt worth any sacrifice,
Guess I didn't mean that much to you.

My heart feels lost, but still intact,
While hurting you don't feel,
This emptiness inside of me,
Just doesnt seem to be real.

I shouldve known from the beginning,
You would end up making me cry,
I just wish you would have told me:
That our last kiss was our final kiss goodbye.

I feel like my head is being held under water right now
except drowning in a sea of narcissism is a lot more dangerous
than drowning in water.
water doesn't say she loves you before she swallows every living thing inside of you whole.
One minute you're born miserably the next, it's almost over,
Life I mean    
I have always been in control;
just never of my own life.
It was always,
"Sit pretty, keep your mouth shut, and so help me god don't even breathe funny"
I have NEVER even dreamed of talking to my mother about any boy
Boyfriend? what's that?
Do you have any idea what kind of HELL this hormonal teenage girl was put through? Growing up with all kinds of teenage boys that were into the girls with endless attitude? The same Not-So-Little boys who learned that the phrase, "I need you." could earn them a spot in between
Not-So-Little girls sheets... you know? When Their mammas were too faded to even find out? Don't worry about daddy, he's nowhere to be found.
Growing up, all the wrong boys asked all the right questions. She always said "yes" just because she was raised to say no.
She was only 13 when she left home. Mamma was 16. only a year later, Mamma was pregnant with a failed ******. But the Not-So-Little girl, well she was busy picking up the pieces for the other three little hearts, running around outside of her chest. the same little hearts that were born into a big house with an empty fridge, The same fridge that this Not-So-Little girl had to fill while doing homework on her lunch breaks. So yes. I do get offended when Great aunt lotus says....
*You are so much like your mother.

I dreamed you came aboard
to commend me to the sea
and I dreamed you rode a horse

to your wedding sidesaddle
even though the only thing
you let between your legs

was the melancholy strings
of the cello, you with your instinct
for music and dangerous suitors

I still place to this day what is left
of the afternoon in care of your hands
kissed by so many strange men

whose names you can't remember
on the long nights we spend
together without sleeping

in the same bed alone we are
dreaming the dreams
we dream when all love is lost.

What's to become of us
when all that we've coveted
is emptied of all value

What's to become of us
when the words we traded
seem to have lost their meaning

What's to become of us
when common ideals
turn to conflict

What's to become of us
when all that has been invested
gets swallowed by doubt and mistrust

What's to become of us
when we stand so close
yet between our hearts lies a lie