I dream about your eyes staring into mine
As if there is no world around us.
I dream about your lips pressed against mine
As if there is fire burning between us.
I dream about your fingers interlocked with mine
As if no one can ever stop this love between us.
I dream about you all the time
Because only in my dreams you are mine.

There were nights inside these walls I sleep in tears
Questioning why am I living, for what do I exist?
They say all I am is not what should it be
Who I am is wrong and I cannot be freed

I lay myself crying again behind these walls
They keep pushing me on trying, they wanted me to be like all
Helplessly I pretended that I am standing on their side
But I cannot be happy, I am turning black and white

I struggled to be like them and I was caught in the middle
I have been pushed, bullied and I found my self little
I am not like who they are and I know I will never be
Why they cannot it understand? Why they cannot see?

I started to live my life alone, away from creatures called people
They always make everything complicated when at the first place it's just simple
I hide myself away in obscure place where no one will find
Where I will be safe and no expectations that I will mind

I grew numb about hatred, being an outcast, and about pain
I'm living my life in silence and being nonchalant - I am trained
I walk alone by myself and I didn't even care
Better be off alone than with someone who won't even stay

They tortured me, they punished me not in my flesh but deep inside
Not using a knife nor a needle work but it can diminish a life
My soul is really hurt and they're leaving me half-heartedly
Their fatal words were lingering,I am bleeding unendingly

Why they are all treating me like I was never ever been belonged?
Is it 'cause I'm living differently and I am never like them at all?
How come I became any less when I am capable of doing more?
They're judging me based on their ignorance, they're judging me on what they do not know

I suffered, I have been bruised and yes, I cried
And yet these walls remain silent standing right at my side
It became my witness of all my heartbreaks, of how my tears burned me
It listened on my inner madness, it saved every pieces of me

Like these walls I'll be standing tough and high
I'll be strong, you won't hear any from me, you'll never see me die
I'll stay colored, graceful and I will make you realize
I am the most beautiful, my days will be immortalized

I may be destroyed, manipulated, grew up confused
I am who I am, to stay the same I will choose
I can show you I can be the greatest, and everyone will be amused
You can insist that I should be someone else, but I'll fight, I'll refuse.

Depression is the teddy bear you get as a little kid that you still seem to keep around as a bed decoration no matter how old you are
You sleep on it
Cry on it
Squeeze it
You're never able to let it go
It clings to you like an old memory that you never want to forget
You feel sick for loving it because you feel you've moved on
But you haven't and you think about it every day and you can't sleep because it stares at you in the eyes every time you try and whispers "no one cares" and you eat it up like your favorite left overs

Anxiety is the spine you carry in your back that bends and twists in ways you never thought
You feel agile and alive but other times it's a burden that weighs you down and you feel you could snap at any second
People try to help you but you bend over backwards trying to fix yourself but it just never ******* works so you blame yourself thinking you cannot be saved

Paranoia is the constant fear I have that all my friends aren't my friends
It's the feeling that all the right people hate me and all the wrong ones praise me
That looking at him and his friends makes me so jealous, I believe that he never wants to talk to me again that I'm just a problem, a text that he rolls his eyes at whenever he sees it's me messaging him

And the worst part is that it feels like home
When I'm engulfed in the thoughts I have when I'm alone I can't help but smile because my problems are all I know

Mending my soul is like;
Trying to hurt yourself,
Putting back the pieces
that will never be the same.

©IGMS

I want to write a happy poem
I truly do

But when I write
I let it pour straight
From my soul
To the paper

And happiness
You see,
Is something
My soul doesn't
Even remember

I want to write a happy poem
Honest

I've tried
And tried
But every time
They've ended up
In the trash

I want to write a happy poem
I really do

But apparently,
You need to be happy
To share
Happiness

Which means
All I can spread
Is sadness