Life is akin to a train ride:
A trip to nowhere
With no viewable stops for rest
No given time
To answer nature's call.

Food served on the ride
Are oftentimes bland.
Sweet, bitter, sour
undeniably included
Though only given
On certain occasions.
Nevertheless,
Everything given
Was edible.

With each a cabin our own
We hear A scream or a cry
A laugh or a snort
As Noises transcends up and down
The confines of this boundless train.
The pleasures or woes  
Of other passengers
Not ours to share
But ours to listen.

Fuel being finite
Depletes
Kicking some poor passengers
Off this ride.
Other passengers take suit
Leaving on their own accord.
but the train still moves on
Towards an intangible destination

Things occur on the train:
Diseases, celebrations, fights.
There may be obstacles, obstructing the track
The train swirls a large turn,
goes over a bump
And Into a cave.

But nonetheless
We're all together
On this ride.
*If we don't help each other
We're all doomed together.

inhale;
the antiseptic smell of
hospital corridors and
alcohol hand-rubs.

Why are you here again?

Exhale;
In one breath,
promise yourself never
ever do it again.

repeat from top

This vicious cycle of
in and outs,
When will i ever get
better?

"Psst" I whispered
To the man walking by
My fingers curled
To bade him here.

"What's the meaning of happiness"
I questioned him.
"It's the sun that shines,
The clouds, the grass, the flowers and words. Yes, words."
He said with a convincing look
And so I thought
I'd have a look.

'The sun that shines'
– How the hell do I reach the sun?
Skip.
"The clouds"
–can't reach it either.
Skip.
"The Grass"
– they never seem to reply me
Next.
"The flowers"
– They're all wilting already.
Next.
"Words"
– What are words?

And so I waited
At the same spot the next day
To question that very same man.

*but he never came

Poetically uninspired
With no means of inspiration
Leaves one exasperated.

No way to perform
To let loose those words
Tightly sealed within the deeps of one's own hell – the mind.

Without inspiration
Comes no exhalation
Of the bubbling fumes that was bound to ruin
All frames of sort that one could ever find.

Wait...
was that the last breath?

(c.c)

I walk round
And round
And round
Hoping to hit my ten
Thousand steps.
How many calories does that
burn?

I end up eating
And eating
And eating
All 3 meals they serve
Me. Do I deserve
This?
How many calories do they
Have?

I lay and think
And think
And think
Why am I still
Alive?
Why did I not ****
Myself
Right
This
Time?

Hot hard heartless tarmac
How do you feel?
I hear the sound of screeching tires and footsteps
Does it hurt you?
I'm envious, you
Get to stare at the blue cloudy skies all day and
see little black birds
flaunt their free will.
How is the view?
You are so constant,
Always black and
sometimes grey but
never white.
You never seem to let
anything determine your
worth.
Could you just please
teach me how too?

It's kind of funny
How the person who gave you your first breath
Is one that makes you want to have your last.

Laughter once meant to express joy
Now used to cover up void
and anxiety
Of speechlessness
and neediness.

Being the one who begged to move
And now begging to move again
For what used to be Camelot
Is now the worst place.

It's funny how humans talk about love
As though love is tangible.
The way lives intertwine  
Oftentime becomes untwined;
Parallel.

That's what it's supposed to be at the end isn't it?
Straight lines on man-made machines?

It's kind of funny
How what man made while living
Becomes the thing that tells of their leaving.

weariness;
pulling a thousand ton while climbing uphill
rivulets of sweat dripping and watering the
ground as I climb. Lubricating
the ground,
I slip and
fall.

darkness;
the all consuming black hole
engulfing me. too tired
to seek the
light.
I give up.

Unknown and foreign to light
Feeling the emptiness hence cry.
1 and 11 months dad left,
Guileless kid that I was
Didn't care.

Grandma's place during the weekdays
With Kor as my playmate.
You'd think we were inseparable
But we grew up.

Doted on due to pity
Doesn't quite last.
When you're a annoying seven year old,
Single parented or not, who cares?

No one to turn to,
Seeing mum only morning and night.
Keeping it all to myself,
That's how I grew up.  

Nine year old was hell
Crying to sleep silently,
Worrying about how to act,
A smile to cover it up.  
No one cared enough to ask.

Time flew and at 15
We finally moved "home".
Little space I once possessed
Grew to naught.

The first slash, the first purge.
No one knows.
The first attempt, the consequent ones
No one cares.

Nothing was ever easy.
At 16 and 4 months I look back
Thinking how the hell I survived it all
Thinking how the hell am I going to move on.

I'm so sick and tired of all these.
Medication in the morning
Medication in the evening
As though it even helps.

I still feel the same pang of sadness
Stealing my breath
As my body collides into solid wall.
Bone breaking,
Heart shattering,
I might as well be dead.

I still feel the fat
Hanging off my body
Akin to ornaments
On a Christmas tree.
But,
Ornaments unlike fats
Is a pretty sight.

Funny how I feel more alone
With more people knowing
Who "I" really am.
(But who knows if this is even real)
This is like another hell altogether,
Probably a deeper hell than before.

How to I get out of this labyrinth?
This **** puzzle is unsolvable.

SOMEONE, TAKE ME OUT PLEASE!

am I a fool? -

I wait at the door for someone to come
back, even though I live alone.

I give and give till I have no
more, and try to dig internally for more

I smile and laugh and say "it's ok" when
every single cell of my being is yelling stop.

am I a fool,
for having hope that there's love and kindness in this world?

Your hollow eyes as you walk past

Showed me your heart.

Had something happened?

Or have you gotten sick of me already?

It’s as though someone plucked out your soul, and threw it on the roadside.

It’s just you and your empty body left

Trodding on this cold hard ground.

Time and time again,

I resisted the urge to call out to you, 

To give you a warm smile

To ignite a flame.

Hugs I’ll give if I could

But you’re so unreachable I couldn’t.

(I miss you and your smile. Where are you now?)

It's 10 am and I'm on my way to work
I've cleaned up the place
I've fed my brothers
I say goodbye.

It's 10.20am and I just took the bus
This bus filled with strangers
With earphones plucked in
Not hearing,
Not caring
About anything else.

10.40am,
I obediently stood at the side of the door
As the Mass Rapid Transport screeched to a stop.
The doors open and people filter out.
I walked in, to a new batch of strangers.
Everyone minds their own business.

What's life? I wondered this whole time.
Since my awakening to my resting,
And all over again.
Days past like sand grabbed by my hand
I end up grabbing nothing.
I know nothing.
I am nothing.

The temptation
to disappear from the face of this world
To disintegrate
Transcend time
To be who I'm supposed to be,
not who I think I am.

Why do I keep going back
To the dark path that I've left?
All the shadows with their evil eyes
Snickering lies
I can't withstand.

They pull
and grab me
At the seams.
Lifted me up
And Tossed me into
The Dead Sea.
I float,
But I'm barely breathing.

(c.c)

I'd die near the top/where no one sees/ go down strong/ fight back up again

Dear*
Father,
It has been
Fifteen years since you left this world.
This world is no longer the same as fifteen years ago.
Everything has changed,
Even me.
Nevertheless, I miss you and I wish you never left.

When the dose of propofol hits
Your veins,
The world fall apart into
One big dark mess.

You try to hang on
To something,
Anything,
But nothing remains.
Everything just fades away,
Along with your conscience.

Stuck in a dark box
With nowhere and
Nothing
To do.
My hands and legs
Are restrained,
But my mind runs
Free.

What is there
To do anymore?
What is there
But an escape from
Reality
As the only option?

I’m tired and exhausted,
Sobs stifled,
Overwhelming feelings,
But i am dead already.

As this year inches closer to the end,
I figured it was moving to the starting line instead.
The end marks the start;
Moving backwards enables one to see a larger view hence finding the direction of the final destination.

Indeed 'twas a year full of worry,
Haunting nights and lonely days.
But through it all with my Saviour's grace,
I've made it all the way.

When time has finally reached the destination that humans have marked out — 1/1/2014,
I want to say goodbye to me.
I'll start anew,
AWAKENED by the love of Christ.

To the you, who will never read this:
I miss you.
What happened between us
I know nought.
Was my vices too much
For you to share?
Am i just
Another stranger
Now?

Everyone heard the rain.
Everyone felt it.
Everyone ran,
seeking shelter.

I hear the rain.
I don’t feel it.
I feel my own teardrops.
It trickled down on my face,
like raindrops falling on the pavements.
I ran
seeking solace,
but found none.

(C.C)

Before I crash,
I would like you
To read a tale
Of princess and of king
Of me and of you
Our everlasting life.

Before I crash,
I would like you
To place my bears
On rough uneven ground
Accompanying me
Till I leave this place.

Before I crash
I would like you
To hold my hands
And tell me
You'd never leave
Till my very last breath.

Things strewn around the house
Shirts on sheets and shoes unsymmetrically
placed on the dog-earred floor mat
That spells “welcome” but
Thick layers of Dust and dirt
Reduced it to a “wel”

Splashes of paint on a plain,
Blank canvas followed by red
Angry slashes. 1...2...3... uncountable.
Black patches of spilled ink
Followed by smeared blotches
The paper is not clean
Anymore.

Butterflies in ribcages let loose,
Broken bones and
Insects crawling under my skin.
Chipped nails and dried blood,
Skin flakes off
Me.?

surprisingly,
I am up before noon- before
the sun nestles itself at the very peak.

surprisingly,
you have not texted me for months
on ends.

surprisingly,
I am still alive.
I need no one to live;
All I need is myself(and God).

You told me
Forever.
We could lie
And run away.
No more nasty words
Or painful wounds.

You told me
Wait.
We needed time
To think about this.
No more warm hugs
Or wrinkled sheets.

You told me
Gone.
Tales fabricated
To chase me away.
No more 'We'
Or 'what shall WE do'.

Just have enough courage to go
Up, high up and
Make the final step
Plummeting down into oblivion.

Death would be so wellcoming
Opening its arms
Widely for me
Never letting me go.

The usual blaring of
the alarm clock did
nothing,
to snap me out of my
reverie.

Still lost in last night's
nightmares,
I stumbled out of bed in
a half-drunk
stupor.

Then came the loud
CRASH!
It felt as though all the cells of my
being have exploded from
the impact of
the fall.

Time
seem to have stopped for a
minute or two.
The entire universe seemed
to have simply stop and turned to
stare at the mess.

The loud "bang" was
what snapped me out of my
Dream-like state.
I dare say,
I am awake now.

Knives not walls
Surrounds me.
Oh the sweet melody,
Of death's calling.

Which way oh dear thee
Would thou choose?

Another day passes
And i still don’t know if i
Want to live or die

Tarmac cracks
Under blistening sun,
And i wonder

Funny how one
Thinks about the future
A split second
After
Thoughts of death.

Is there an easy way
Out
Of this labyrinth
Called ‘life’?

How do I
even begin
to write
again?

Butterflies in my chest,
Darkness in my head.
A fractured wrist,
A broken mind.

Things will never be the same,
ever
again.