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 Sep 2017 simo
ej
5. revival
 Sep 2017 simo
ej
i am glowing now
my eyes are dark like
fresh-tilled soil
my skin is soft like
the leaves of jungle trees
my voice is clear like
ancient spring water

i know what it means to
be new, now
to wake and feel it in your
bones, to
rise and feel like singing
bleach
 Aug 2017 simo
ry
orange.
 Aug 2017 simo
ry
one day everything will be just how i like it.
itll be warm but not too much.
the bed will be soft and so will the duvet and the light
and you'll be right there by my side.
because we know what we have.
our bond our trust will exceed all else.
ill have no words to describe how i feel but one.
an album actually not so much a word.
blonde.
ill feel like summer and new opportunities and lost loves and achingly sweet heartbreaks.
ill be scarily tranquil. a feeling that is greatly unbeknownst to me.
still ill have no words to describe how i feel but my favorite color.
ill feel like the color of sunsets and fire.
ill be a warm yet dusty orange.
so light and airy youd almost think i was a simple pink.
and this is what happiness will feel like
i don't know what this means exactly but I've been getting major frank ocean vibes from everything right about now and orange is my favorite color.
summers ending and i cant stop writing idk how i feel wowie
 Aug 2017 simo
ry
1-10.
 Aug 2017 simo
ry
i tell myself im feeling better.
no social media
no outside distractions
just me and my mind.

ive made quite a few changes in these seemingly eternal summer months
ive changed my diet
changed my thinking
my sleep schedule
my hobbies and interests
even my wardrobe.

ive made all these changes
ive gotten out of my head (for the most part)
so if ive made all these changes and if im doing all of these new and better things
why do i still feel so low ?

i feel low not as in sad
no sad is too simple, too cliche, too blase
i feel low as in my heart will start to clench and struggle to beat
my breathing gets shallow
my thoughts are dulled and become sullen and narrow
like im on the verge of a never arriving panic attack

so tell me if im filled with no responsibilities no standards to hold myself to
filled with a sense of freedom and "peace" as many would say
how come if you asked me to today
i still couldnt put my so called peace on a scale of 1 to 10 ?
mmmm...i was feeling pretty clear but i think the beast rears it's ugly head once more to get me back where i supposedly belong. someone save me
Mom
Love isn’t always feeling free and butterflies,
Sometimes after we lose one we feel like the light dies.
The world seems dim and the curtains close,
Locked in a room with no place to go.

Love at first glance probably doesn’t exist,
But honey you do and you don’t want to miss:
All of the times with your friends and your daughters will grow,
And watching yourself kick *** because you’re tough, this I know.

Love doesn’t turn out right and the days pass on by slow,
While you’re **** thinking about the dip-**** who had you walk in the cold.
And though you’re still caught in the hole that he dug,
Don’t let it be your grave because it’s been dug without love.

Love isn’t love without two people a-growin’,
He obviously never did, and you have a hard time a-knowin’.
And you’re traveling to the wasteland, where diamonds don’t belong,
You’ll find him there, so you know this place is wrong.

Love does exist, and you’ll find it one day.
He wasn’t the one, and for now that’s okay.
You’ll find another and he’ll be in the wasteland,
That you’ve come to, yeah wondered, and you’ll be out of it then.

Love never comes when you decide to look,
So he’s just a heartache that doesn’t have a hook.
A stupid self-centered, insecure **** like him,
Doesn’t deserve such a precious, bright gem.

Born of dead matter, heat and compression,
Comes one of life’s greatest self-taught self lesson:
A diamond is beautiful, valuable too,
And brilliant and glistening and hard as hell too.
Diamonds were once dead and diamonds were once buried,
Diamonds were once a big blob of bitter nothing.
But if you look now, after all of this time,
If you listen closely and you hear this rhyme,
You will understand that people are diamonds too,
And if you followed closely, that diamond was you.

Love,
Cheyenne
 Aug 2017 simo
ry
hey.
 Aug 2017 simo
ry
hey.

i love my friends.

just wanted to say i love my friends.

that's all. bye now.
especially jae check out their poems hellopoetry.com/carton or search blue jae hell yeah i love my friends but jae is the absolute best

also thank you so much to everyone that read, loved, liked, etc. 'oxymoron.' i wasn't expecting it and the response was incredible thank you so much !
Sometimes you meet a once
in a life time person,
and your paths will only
cross once,
like an eclipse.
But it will be the most
beautiful moment of your
life.
And the whole world will stop
and look in awe,
like the moon crossing
over the sun for just a quick moment.
 Aug 2017 simo
ry
oxymoron.
 Aug 2017 simo
ry
'Love is a drug'
it's a bit cliche at this point but its true
not in the sense of addiction or how harmful it can be
but in the sense of its effects
love changes people and it changes each one of us differently
for some, they become suave people with immense charms
for others, they become bumbling awkward masses that are plagued with a mentality and drive that makes them try too hard
it can slow you down
make you hyper aware
fill up every bit of you
from your toes to your hair
Love is a drug
it can make you do or think or say things you never thought you could
it's an oxymoron that turns you into everything you never were
it's every color and sound and feeling; it's everything at once
it's pure, it's evil, it hollows you out as it fills you up and gives the deepest sense of pleasure as it kills you and eats you from the inside out
Love is a beautiful thing, some might say life's greatest creation
maybe this is true, maybe it isn't but be careful
because its beauty makes so shockingly easy to overdose on when you're in it
sometimes love is a science and love songs are the equations
(michigan - brockhampton, bad religion - frank ocean, supermodel - sza)
 Aug 2017 simo
ry
feel.
 Aug 2017 simo
ry
Certain songs make me think of you
Soft songs mellow songs angry songs all bring some thoughts
I don't particularly know who you are
but when it comes to music you've taken many shapes
songs i like make me think of you
how you've supported and shaped me in the long time we've known each other
and how coherently you understand me even in my low jumbled life
and how we've grown together and always supported each other no matter the distance and lack of contact we may have endured
songs that make me think of you make me feel good
your songs make me feel like i can do anything if i wanted to
your songs make me feel appreciated and loved
but your songs are a different story
your songs make me think of the things ive done
the things ive blocked out and the things i regret
i dont know where i ever truly stood with you
but your songs make me feel like im back there
your songs make me feel angry and suffocated
like i need to break whatever or hurt whoever is there
in order to truly escape​
your songs make me feel smashed and unworthy and hated
but you my dear friend
your songs make me feel different
so different that the only way i can describe it is 'here'
your songs make me feel grounded and solid
like i am filled with cement but in a good way
like i am alive and like i truly exist and that i am unable to simply float away
your songs have grounded me and given me reason and hope
your songs make me feel renewed and strengthen like i can love and care again
your songs make me feel things all different types
it can only make me wonder what my songs make you feel like
i associate songs with people.
 Aug 2017 simo
ry
peace.
 Aug 2017 simo
ry
alright so all that stuff i wrote about you being amazing and all that
yeah forget it its in the past now whatever
dont get me wrong youre a great person and an even better friend and cute as a button but lately ive been thinking

i shouldnt have clung and worshipped you the way i did
i let you occupy every bit of me when i was nothing but a passing wind to you
it wasnt good for me but you couldnt care
you didnt care
and you didnt care anymore as soon as you let me go
so i learned how to do the same
and soon enough the constant reminders i had didnt hurt and instead they were just things
you became my friend again rather than someone i lost and longed for
i was finally happy again. no tears fell from my eyes and i felt lighter than ever before
i could sing i could dance and i could care about myself again

all i want for anyone is happiness and fulfillment so thank you.
thank you for showing me that i could be by myself and at peace.
i felt a bit bitter but then sza reminded me men aint **** so now im coolin.
 Jul 2017 simo
ry
empty.
 Jul 2017 simo
ry
Every day I wake up feeling numb
Not numb as in I’m dumb
But numb as in I’m empty
Empty because my brain hasn't caught up with the rest of me
When I feel empty I'm at peace
But after a while the peace is shattered as my brain regains its control of me
It teases me with the first move i make
It tells me things that make my heart and my head ache
But there’s nothing i can do about this because i need it
No i don't need all this oversensitivity
No i don't need these intrusive thoughts
And no i don't need these tears
At least that's what I think
Now these things are all i know they're who i am
Rather than having an identity and a sense of self-worth
I have these
They aren’t weapons or armor that I can use
Instead they’re heavy cases that I must carry every day
because as much as i hate them and as much i wish i didn't have them
I need them because now they're who i am
People think I’m strong people think I’m brave
People think that I'm happy and nothing can bring me down
But they don't understand what it's like to carry these cases to have them drag me down
To have the thing i need to live constantly kick me around

People call themselves crazy or say that normal is “bad”
But when i let them know what i see and how I feel
They always think i'm mad
Not because of the things I say but because of how I feel
I feel like I'm not here i feel like i'm gone
I feel like i leave my body as soon as something goes wrong
But i never speak up i never talk out
Because if I do people will think i'm bad
They’ll think i'm out to get them or they'll think my intentions are bad
But really all i need is someone who understands
What it's like to be dragged and kicked around by the thing under skin and bone and strands of hair
All i really need is someone who will let me share
But i don't get this so I carry on
Bloodied bruised and beaten by thing that tells my heart to beat and my lungs to take in air
the last time i was this bad was nov of last year now im just tryna keep busy....summer rules amirite
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