Can I die?
Well yeah you can they say.
But they don’t  know what I mean.
They don't know I mean **** myself
suffer
pain
die.
I'm asking them please.
They’re saying yes but they don't know what for.
I don't really matter.
can’t they see that I want to die
suffer painfully

you listen.
                                                                                    thats all that matters.
you love me
                                                                     thats all i'll focus on for now.
i love you.
                                                         please hold on to that with all the strength
                                          you've got.
please                                                  
                                                                  
                                  

                                             love me back

Can I die?
Well yeah you can they say.
But they don’t  know what I mean.
They don't know I mean **** myself
suffer
pain
die.
I'm asking them please.
They’re saying yes but they don't know what for.
I don't really matter.
can’t they see that I want to die
suffer painfully

As she sharpens the knife she cries tears of joy that she will soon die..
feel the joy of going down where she belongs, hell.
they thought she was getting better..they were wrong,
she got worse after he left without saying goodbye.
she has no meaning anymore.
no reason to keep living hopelessly.
shes alone..
he left her for what he wanted too..
death,
he wanted death too..
she stayed for him,
why couldn't he do the same for her?
well, he's gone now..he told her not to try he wanted her to live a long strong life.
he should of thought of that before he decided to pop those pills that night.
she won't forget him..
but she’ll forget those beautiful eyes..the ones that caught her by surprise..
she cant handle to remember how his heart would beat against her own.
she will never forget how he said he loved every **** night.
never forget those salty tears running down his perfect silicone face.
she will always love him..
but hate him for making her feel this way.
she’s doing this to see him,
to feel his coldness again.
is he still there or did he actually leave her soul too.
he did he's not there she feels warmth he's not warm he’s cold usually.
he doesn't say i love you he just stands there in shock..
she sees those salty tears once more,
he asks why she tells him that he left her and that he led her to this.
he was in her now eating at her..
telling her to stop that knife now so she could live a happy life..
he told her to scream out help!
he told her to stop the knife from hurting her anymore,
he told her to stop it
the knife was cutting deeper and deeper now.
he yelled out that he loved her.
she stopped and had finally realized what she had done.
she broke him even more.
she dropped the knife as she felt the warmth of her leave that porcelain body of hers.
he said he loved her like he had done before.
she took her last breath..
and walked away with her love..
into the darkness of hell..
she cried of joy that she had him again but he was different..this time he looked at her like she was his prey..
before he had looked so soft those brown eyes are black now..
his hands don't move the same way..they grab her like he wants to throw her away..
his face looks disgusted..
was it her?
he was evil now..what happened?
he kisses her and bites her she falls and say stop he doesn't he kills her once more.
she looks away and sees him..
the one she loves she calls out that she loved him all she sees is him on the floor the night..
that he died took his life away.
he walks away and doesn't say a thing she watches as those salty tears pour out of him for the last time.
she whispers i love you through the door.
he went on and cried that night she left him to die..
why did she leave him?
how could she?
all he wanted was to love her.
as he sharpens the knife he cries out why?
he cant help but scream her name.
he sees her as he presses harder and as it gets deeper and deeper by the second he hits the floor..
and sees her..she's crying and saying something..
she is whispering i love you..
he says it back..
as they die together..
the memories of each other creep into their minds….

YOUR BODY IS MY WONDER.
MY DREAM.
I'D LOVE TO JUST TELL YOU HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME.
TELL YOU HOW **** AND HANDSOME YOU ARE.
TELL YOU HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO HAVE YOU BY ME.
I'D LOVE TO RUN MY HANDS UP AND DOWN YOUR BARE CHEST.
TO FEEL YOUR WONDERFULLY SOFT LIPS AGAINST MY OWN.
HUH...YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY BABY.
YOU SPIN ME AROUND AND ROUND.
I'VE NEVER FALLEN SO HARD.
BABY YOU CAN START WITH ME.
'YOU SAY YOU'VE NEVER BEEN IN LOVE
HERE I AM START WITH ME
IM SURE YOURE EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD AT IT.
SHOW ME
HOW WONDERFUL YOU CAN BE

IM HELPLESS.
WANTING SOMEONE O HOLD.
SOMEONE WHO'LL HOLD ME WRAP ME IN THERE ARMS AND SAY THEY LOVE ME.
I WANT TO FEEL THE PRESSURE OF THEIR LIPS AMONG MINE.
FEEL THE SILKNESS OF THE TONGUE ON MY NECK.
I WANT TO BE ABLE TO LAUGH CARELESSLY WITH THEM.
BE ABLE TO WHISPER I LOVE YOU IN THEIR EAR AS WE FALL ASLEP IN THE SAME BED.

I dont need help.
Maybe I do.
Do I?
How the hell would you know..unless you are in my head fighting the demons off..but you know that you’d  NEVER **** them..right??
Im talking to myself.
Is that crazy?
Insane?
******?
Does everyone talk to themselves the way I do?
I need help!
I’ve asked but,I ran away.
From help...thats how insane I am…
help?
Is there such thing?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Well maybe not for me.
Help is a definition of **** me slowly..
When you ask for help you get tortured,humiliated your demons in your head scream and laugh at how much of a ******* wimp you are for snitching on them!
You will never get help if you're  in my situation you’ll only suffer your heart will only keep breaking and your demons will grow bigger.

it all started with the first cut.
just one small cut was all i needed.
it made the emotional pain go away.
it made me feel human, a human with feelings.
the first cut
thats all it was.
it slowly grew into more,
the first cut,
its seeable to many but you.
the first cut
came from you.
thats all it was.
everyone was the first cut.
they all came and they never left.
the silk white lines across my skin.
the red lines left but the silkish white lines they will only come, never go.

Can I die?
Well yeah you can they say.
But they don’t  know what I mean.
They don't know I mean **** myself
suffer
pain
die.
I'm asking them please.
They’re saying yes but they don't know what for.
I don't really matter.
can’t they see that I want to die
suffer painfully

i look in the mirror.
scared to see what i fear.
me.
ugly.
fat.
imperfect..
me.
i hate the way my stomach isnt flat.
my ribs dont show.
im ugly.
imperfect.
my arms have too many scars
so do my hips
and thighs.
what if they see?
will they notice?
i need to lose weight.
im fat..
imperfect..
ugly.

I WISH I WAS BEAUTIFUL LIKE ALL THE OTHER GIRLS I PASS IN THE SCHOOL HALLS.
WHY CANT I BE PRETTY?
IM NOT SKINNY ENOUGH.
I WANT TO BE ENOUGH.
PRETTY.
BEAUTIFUL.
GORGEOUS.
BUT I GUESS ILL ONLY BE UGLY.

Why am i still here?
on this planet?
in this world?
Why am i still spinning with all the others?
wHY CAN’t I ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING?
why cant i be good?
why can’t i be…
perfect,
beautiful,
unique,
funny,
awesome,
fantastic,
smART,­?
WHY AM I..
STUPID,
IMPERFECT,
UGLY,
FAT,
BORING,
ALONE,
SUICIDAL,
DEPRES­SED,
BIPOLAR,
ANXIOUS,?
WHY AM I…
DIFFERENT?
WHY HAVEN'T I DIED YET?
I WANT TOO.
ALOT.
LIKE REALLY BADLY.
I KNOW..
IM FUCKIMNG CRAZY,
A LITTLE ON THE ****** SIDE.
MAYBE A TAD BIT OF A WACK JOB.
CRAZY OR INSANE IS FINE BY ME.
I GUESS.
I HAVE SO MANY LABELS.
CALL ME WHATEVER YOU WANT.
THEY DO IT.
HE DOES IT.
SHE DOES IT.
I DO IT.
EVEN MY OWN ******* MOM DOES IT.
WHY NOT YOU.
BE SMART.
LABEL ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME..
BUT..
EVENTUALLY YOU'LL RUN AWAY TOO.
HE DID IT.
SHE DID IT.
THEY DID IT.
I DO IT.
MY MOM DOES IT.
MY LOVE DID IT.
EVERYONE DOES IT.
SO, WHY NOT YOU.
WELL, IT WILL BE A MATTER OF TIME..
BEFORE YOU GO RUNNING AWAY FROM ME.

I GO TO SLEEP AT EASE WHEN I THINK OF YOU HOLDING ME.
I GO TO SLEEP KNOWING THAT YOU SLEEP UNDER THE SAME SKY AS ME..
I THINK OF YOU CONSTANTLY.
I NORMALLY DON'T FALL TOO EASY.
BUT, YOU YOU'RE SPECIAL SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
YOUVE CHANGED ME.
YOUVE CHANGED MY THOUGHTS.
THE WAY I THINK,
THE WAY I LOOK AT THINGS.
IS THAT GOOD?
OR IS THAT BAD?
I MIGHT BE FALLING A LITTLE TO HARD.
AND MAYBE YOU'LL STAY AT THE BOTTOM AND WAIT TO CATCH ME WHEN I COME TUMBLING DOWN.
OR YOU MIGHT JUST STEP OUT OF THE WAY AND WATCH ME FALL TO ANOTHER HEARTBREAK…
SHOULD I TRUST YOU?
MAYBE.
MAYBE NOT.
YOU SAY YES.
I DONT KNOW THOUGH.
WHAT DO I DO?
WAIT TO SEE?
OR DO I JUST LEAVE?
NO I CAN'T LEAVE YOU MEAN A LOT TO ME.
WELL,
WE’LL SEE IF YOU LOVE ME SOONER OR LATER.
WHEN I COME DROPPING FROM THE HIGH.
WE'LL BOTH SEE IF YOU'LL CATCH ME OR LET ME FALL
PLUMMET TO MY HEARTBREAK.
I WANT TO BELIEVE THAT YOU'LL CATCH ME.
THATS WHAT THEY ALL SAY
SEE LOVE IS A MYSTERY EVERY TIME SO WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THEY LOVE YOU DONT BE SURE INVESTIGATE FIRST.
I LOVE YOU.
BUT I DON'T KNOW IF YOU LOVE ME ENOUGH TO CATCH ME.

MY OLD LIFE WAS BETTER,
MY OLD LIFE WAS SIMPLER,
MY OLD LIFE WAS HAPPIER,
MY OLD SELF WAS WORTHY,
MY  OLD SELF WAS PRETTY,
MY OLD SELF WAS BEAUTIFUL,
MY OLD SELF WAS SKINNIER,
MY OLD SELF WAS USEFUL,
MY OLD SELF WAS PERFECT.



MY OLD SELF HAD CONFIDENCE,
MY OLD SELF HAD A HAPPY LIFE,
MY OLD SELF HAD A LIFE,
MY OLD SELF HAD A MOM,
MY OLD SELF HAD EVERYTHING,
MY OLD SELF LOVED HERSELF.
MY OLD SELF WAS LOVEABLE,
MY OLD SELF WAS LIKEABLE,
MY OLD SELF HAD A VOICE,
MY OLD SELF IS DEAD,
MY OLD SELF IS GONE,
TRAPPED BENEATH ALL THE PAIN,
THE ANGER IS FORCING BACK.
MY OLD SELF WILL NEVER COME BACK.






NOW I'M STUCK,
NOW IM LOST,
NOW I CRY,
NOW IM FAT,.
NOW I'M UGLY,
NOW I'M WORTHLESS,
NOW I'M HELPLESS,
NOW I'M USELESS,
NOW I'M IMPERFECT,
NOW IM SCARED,
NOW I'M QUIET,
NOW I'M SOLD OUT,
NOW I HAVE NO HEART,
NOW I'M COLD AS ICE,
NOW I HAVE NO FEELINGS,
NOW I'M USELESS,
NOW I'M NOT HAPPY,
NOW IM SAD,
NOW IM GONE,
NOW IM DEAD,
NOW I'M TIRED,
NOW IM HEART BROKEN,
NOW I WILL NEVER BE SAVED,
NOW I WILL NEVER BE SEEN,
NOW ALL ILL DO IS HID FROM THE TRUTH,
BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS BAD AND IT STINGS IT PINCHES ME WITH EVERY TOUCH.
NOW I WILL GO AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK.

YOURE A MASTERPIECE.
A PERFECT PICTURE PAINTED BY A BEAUTIFUL QUEEN.
YOU ARE DEFINITELY WORTH MY TIME.
YOU ARE DEFINITELY THE GIRL ALL THE GUYS WILL WANDER AFTER
DEFINITELY THE GIRL ALL THE GUYS WILL GO THROUGH THE TERRIBLE FOREST TO SEE THE WICKED WITCH TO HAVE YOU.
YOURE BEAUTIFUL.
YOU ARE PERFECT.
YOUR BODY IS ITS OWN PERFECTION THAT ATTRACTS ME.
OH I WANT YOU SO BADLY.
TAKE YOU IN MY ARMS AND CARRY YOU AWAY LIKE YOUR PRINCESS IN ARMOR.
BABY I WANT TO SEE YOU WALK DOWN THAT AISLE SOMEDAY.
I WILL GET ON ONE KNEE SOMEDAY.
AND BABY I HOPE YOU'LL SAY YES.
WELL HAVE A PERFECT FAMILY BECAUSE YOU'LL MAKE EVERYTHING PERFECT.
WE'LL BE TOGETHER AND IT WILL BE A FAIRY TALE.
ONE NO ONE NOT EVEN THE PERFECT COUPLE HAVE EVER LIVED
BECAUSE IT WILL BE YOU AND I.

WHEN I FEEL YOUR HEART BEAT AGAINST MINE IT SENDS SPARKS THROUGHOUT ME.
WHEN I FEEL YOUR BREATH AGAINST MY NECK I WANT TO JUST TAKE YOU AS MY OWN.
AS I KISS YOU I'D LOVE THE MOMENT TO BE CAUGHT BY AN EYE THAT CAN ONLY SEE WHAT IT CAUGHT..YOU AND ME KISSING UNDER THE STARS SHINING BRIGHT.
I WAIT UP AT NIGHT JUST TO SEE YOU WHEN YOU GET HOME TO ME.
AS I CUDDLE YOU I PLACE LITTLE TINY HEARTS ALL OVER YOUR  BACK AS YOU SLEEP NEXT TO ME.
WHEN I SEE YOU I JUST WANNA JUMP INTO YOUR ARMS AND STAY THERE FOREVER.
AS YOU KISS ME UPON THE NECK AND PLACE THEM SLOWLY DOWN TO MY CHEST AND UP THE CURVES OF MY BODY I WONDER WHAT IT'D BE LIKE TO SPEND MY WHOLE LIFE WITH YOU MY LOVE.
YOU MAKE ME REACH MY HIGHEST POINTS AND YOU NEVER LET ME FALL.
WHEN I AM AT MY LOWEST POINTS YOU ALWAYS HAPPEN TO MAKE ME SMILE AND LAUGH.
AS WE MAKE LOVE YOU..
YOU TELL ME YOU MEAN IT WHEN YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME.
I LOVE YOU.
YOU SAY THAT I DESERVE A GOOD MAN.
AND I SAY I'VE ALREADY GOT ONE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
BABY YOU'RE MY WORLD..
MY LIFE AND BEYOND.

sInce I wAs yoUng iVe lOved yoUr soul.
we'd sit under the old oak tree at my grandpa's house.
we'd talk for hours.
i'd sit and wait for you at our hide out..
we grew older
you left you said it was for the best an important reason.
i waited everyday..
under our oak tree.
at our "secret" hideout.
i soon to notice you hated me.
you made me wait for you.
i'd see you with her
but, i continued to sit under our oak tree.
our "secret" hideout got raged but don't worry if you ever come back i'll build you whole mansion.
just for you my love.
i missed you.
did you ever miss me?
ever think about how i ever much i loved you?
you left me!
i loved you.
but,
you loved me.

you’re perfect.
you’re beautiful.
you’re gorgeous making my eyes melt in your presence.
you’re amazing..
you’re gorgeous did i already mention that..
i just want you to know i love you.
can i have you?
can i have your beauty to hold?
can i have your innocence?
can i have your perfection?
can i have you?
let me in..i’ll make you see what love is..
show how it can be..
show you what it’s meant to be.
let me in..
so you can see
that i love you.
let me have you..please
can i have you?
will you take me as i am?
will you love me too?
please.
let me have you!

why are you looking at me?
stop...looking at me..im addicted to those fiery but icy cold eyes..
i hate you..
but i love you.
you’re so beautiful..
your body and all,
i hate that you don’t see your image the way i do.
you are perfect,
gorgeous,
beautiful..
you are everything that i could ever want.
you are everything that i could ever want to be.
you are everything i’d like to be.
you are everything i’d love to be.
you are everything i’d like to have.
you are everything i’d love to have.
that beautiful body of yours to hold all night..
that mysterious but amazing mind to read..
those soft warm lips against my neck..
those amazingly red lips against my lips..
to feel the cold of your hand on my own..
to hold you when your nightmares take over,
to stare straight into those eyes that attract me, get me everytime..
i’d love to say i love you..
perhaps whisper it in your ear..
my beautiful love,
i’d protect you..save you from tripping on ****** roses..
save your heart from getting crushed..
to catch you when you decide to fall.
i love you.

just when i thought all my hope was gone.
you took me by my hand
and told me i was wrong.
just when i thought there was no bright light
then you took me to it.
i was amazed by the sight
just when i thought you were gone for good.
you came back to me
and lifted my hood.
to tell me how beautiful i was..
and how much you understood.
one day you lifted up my long black sleeves..
you looked back up at me..
stared me in the eye.
slowly you pressed your lips against the red lines that appeared on my soft pale skin.
i began to cry.
and you held me for the longest time.
soon you had to go..
you walked out the door..
and never came back.
i knew that you loved me..
even though you left..
me alone.
you knew that i was strong enough to handle it on my own.
sometimes i cry because i want you to come back and hold me through the night.