The plants that I tended to all summer long,
They were all so fragrant and beautiful and strong.
But somewhere along the way, I forgot they were there
And when they started to wilt, I just didn't care.
I probably could have saved the plants if I had tried.
But I didn't, and so it is my fault that they didn't survive.

My brother had everything going for him, nothing was wrong.
He was so full of life and beautiful and strong.
I felt that little tug, but I ignored it and walked away.
I was the last one to see him alive that day.
I still feel like I could have saved him if I had tried.
But because I didn't stay, that was the day that he died.

My apathy is what killed them, and I know that this is true.
But I can't stop feeling nothing, I just don't know what to do.
The more things that die, the more things that I ****.
But I don't know how to stop this, so I keep standing still.

When we were younger
We made our parents
Shut the closet doors
Check under the bed
Tuck us in at night
In an attempt to ward away the monsters
Some of us weren't so lucky
We escaped them in the dark
But they captured us in our dreams

Now that we're older
The monsters are demons
They hide in the dusty corners of our brains
If we're lucky, and they're not bolder than we are, they stay hidden during the day
But at night they roam free
They torture us with
Regrets that we have
Mistakes we have made
And images of those that we miss
Sleep is our only escape
But some of us aren't so lucky
We escaped them in the dark
But they captured us in our dreams

How could you really be gone?
And how is this fair at all?
Seems like the days just continue dragging on
But I can't seem to understand the fall

I mean, YOU FELL?

How could you have fallen???
How did no one hear you yell?
You didn't die from old age,
You didn't die from being unwell

You died???
Someone tell me, how could you be dead?
My mouth can't say the words out loud
It's hard to think them in my head

You're not here anymore?
You're really not coming back?
I'm shaking as I type the words
But it's true, you've faded into black

They say "when you know, you know"
And they're absolutely right
There's no grey area or blurred lines
There's only black and white

There's no ifs ands or buts
There's no uncertainty or fear
There's just that feeling in your gut
And you must listen when it appears

I'm not just talking about love
This applies to most things in life-
No matter what your head is thinking,
Your heart is usually right

I used to be afraid to inhale
But I've been to hell and back
I still don't think I've sinned enough
But I understand, now, why people smoke their lungs black.

Everyone's got their poison,
And we each have to choose
Based on what has shaped us
Whether it's ***, cigarettes, drugs, or *****.

It's not up to me to judge you
We're all just doing our best to get by
At the end of the day, whatever the vice
We're all just wandering through life high.

How do you get to know the reflection that you see
Only to find out that it is not what it seems?

My shortcomings aren't what sends me over the edge
It's knowing that I am not and never will be good enough
It's the torture and taunting that my own mind creates
It's the fear and worry over this feeling of impending doom
It's the snide glance they give me that creates a "down the lane" ****
It's trying your hardest and it not ever being enough
It's the feeling of failure
But mostly, it's knowing that all these things aren't true and feeling them anyway

I feel trapped in this cycle that never ends,
Forever chasing my tail
Unhappily and blindly treading along,
Trying to see through the veil

It's not that I can't,
It's simply that I won't
And I know that I should,
But the thing is, I don't

But that's no way to live...
You need to be on my side
And I need to be on yours
If we're gonna survive

I love you, I do.
And I know that we'll pull through
I just have to work on me
And you have to work on you

Your heart is going to love who it loves
And your mind isn't going to be able to tell it not to
I don't know why you're so judgemental
When you yourself are always saying "only God can judge you"

But, you're right about that.

If he's up there, he's the only one that can judge us
If he's up there, he's the only one that's seen it all
If he's up there, he's the only one who knows our hearts
If he's up there, he's the only one who can soften our fall

So shake your hypocritical hips at someone else's party
Because I'm just trying to have a good time
I'm smart and I'm capable and I can think for myself
And the only opinion that matters is mine

I noticed you were getting upset
Because your face was redder than a tomato
When you told me about that little girl
About what her brother did to her
Across the street
In the backyard shed
He was a teenager
But she was only six years old
You said:
I was really young and I didn't know what to do
I just walked away
I wonder who she is now...
Where she is now...
If she's anywhere at all
I wonder if I had said something...
That's when you started to get really choked up
There was a long pause
So long that I almost didn't think you were going to finish your thought
But you managed to get it out
You said, "I wonder if it would have made a difference"

That made me think about that day again
The worst day
The day he died
I saw him, and I walked right past
I got that tugging feeling but I ignored it
I just walked away
I wonder who he would have been today...
Where he is now...
If he's anywhere at all...
And everyday I wonder
I wonder if I had said something...
If it would have made a difference

I have nightmares that I can't wake up from
They leave me sobbing, hyperventilating, feeling numb
Sometimes you're in them, other times not
But you're never not there because I forgot
I think, at times, it might be easier if I could forget
If I could pretend that you were someone that I never met
But I can't do that.
So I just try to think about good things
And I try to believe that you're somewhere good
And even though I'm living in this nightmare that I can't wake up from
God, I really wish I could