It wasn't your first time around
And I know this has to be true
Because you always seemed like an old soul
While I stumbled around clumsily, brand new

I'm still stuck here for a reason
And although God plucked you from this earth,
I have to believe that it was your season
And that I am bound for rebirth

It seems that you were born into perfection
And though younger, much wiser than I
Your time on earth was shorter
But just as much, though truly much more, worthwhile

I wish, so much, that it had been your first time on earth
And I wish that I had more to offer you
I wish that we could have had more time
But it's clear that you accomplished everything that you came here to do

I hope that heaven is beautiful
And that one of God's angels was there to catch you when you fell
I know that you're having the time of your many lifetimes
Because, even after only 17 years, my soul knows yours too well

She could see that he wanted to cry
She noticed the familiar look in his eye
But he willed his eyes not to leak
He busied his hands
And he made noises- as if to speak
In a futile attempt to regain control over his emotions
As if the single tear rolling down his cheek-
The expression of all the worries
And troubling thoughts
That continue to weigh down his heavy heart-
Will make him less of a man in his daughter's eyes
She can roll her eyes all day
She can scream and shout
She can groan and complain forever about
How he's overbearing
How he embarrasses her
And how he just doesn't understand
But every time she sees him
Sitting across from her
With watery, red rimmed eyes and a tight throat
She is reminded
That he and she are made up of the same stuff
That he loves her more than anything in this world
And that he is the sole reason for her existence

I try to pick myself up
Try to change
Clean slate,
Try to start fresh,
every time.

But every time,
You beat me down
Into a million little tiny pieces
To the point where,
I can’t even find myself to pick up the pieces.
I’m just shattered,
Pieces of me laying all over,
Just hoping the glass shards don’t cut anyone else too deep.

My mother asked me what was wrong
I didn't tell her that my bones ached
Or that my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest
I didn't tell her that it hurt to move
Or that it took all of my energy to even open my mouth to reply
I told her that I was sick
She assumed that I was talking about my body

Sometimes I overhear you talking about your childhood
I've always understood that it wasn't much of one
And mom always tells me there are
Things that I don't know
Things that broke you
Things that made you unfixable
I heard you say that your dad liked to put his hands on you
Well you like to threaten to put your hands on us sometimes
I heard you say that their words were cruel
Well you like to call us names sometimes
I heard you say they treated you like ****
Well you like to treat us like **** sometimes
It's like, you can't even see it
You're so ****** up that you don't see it at all
You are just like them sometimes
And sometimes is always too much

We never turn the light off
It's like we're expecting you to walk in the door any minute
You won't.
But somehow it helps
If we turn it off,
We would have to accept that you're really gone
We can't.
So we don't
Hope is found where the light is
Even though there is no hope,
Even though we've put you to rest,
Even though you aren't coming back,
We're all just looking for something to hold onto
It's false hope
I know.
But it's all we've got