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Blackenedfigs Apr 2020
I am forever
plagued by noisy yard work
when trying to sleep.


                                        Skipping class again
                                        because of anxiety
                                        I don't need more sleep.


                                                                
                                                                         It is my birthday
                                                                         I am crying in the car
                                                                         27 looks real rough.
Blackenedfigs Apr 2020
Men are dogs;
You can hardly call yourself a brother
With no respect for a father's daughter: me.

A man of God are you?
Plead to him for forgiveness, for your wandering eyes
And unfaithful hands.

It is men like you who lust for me,
As if I'm to fulfill a fantasy
Or be your one time secret

I will never be anyone's one time secret.

If your sons had been born daughters
Wouldn't you want them to do the same?
Blackenedfigs Apr 2020
I want to fall in love
and eat fresh figs,
plump and swollen
dripping from my lips.

But most importantly
I want to feel free,
Free to do these things
without question or worry.

Something you never gave me.
Blackenedfigs Apr 2020
I remember naps with you
God, your arm
         my arm
         your leg
         my leg.
Can we go back there?
Even if just for one day?

You see
my heart was bursting then
and I can still feel it now,
in the same way that I can still smell the salt
on your skin.
Blackenedfigs Apr 2020
Everything I've ever loved
I've gripped by the neck,
feeling the air escape
slowly.

And when they go to eventually leave
I've held on, kicking and screaming
to their pant leg
Demanding an answer to the question of "Why?"
That I really never want to truthfully hear.

It is always: "I don't feel the same."
Blackenedfigs Apr 2020
I remember an old man, wheelchair bound
His body crudely sewn together
with bolts and screws.

You see,
his bones wouldn't stop growing
and breaking within his tiny, feeble frame.

He offered me a metal plate from his shoulder
after his next surgery; I pictured ****** flesh in Ziploc
But alas, I never saw him again.

On the visiting ward of the hospital
I ask my mother one day how someone so blithe, despite their condition
could end up in a place such as this.

She said depression doesn't discriminate;
The constant nagging, piercing pain he lived with daily
was enough reason to search for an end to it all.

My mother was right: depression stealthily maneuvers
its great tentacles, its black, feathered extremities
across the minds of the unknowing, the unsuspecting, and the undeserving.  

It is a black sludge sickness, spreading from generation to generation
And somewhere along that genetic timeline, her and I,
cursed.

Sitting across from her at scheduled visiting hour
I am reminded how our roles were reversed here
just years earlier.

They say time stops for nobody,
neither does this beast.
Blackenedfigs Apr 2020
And just like that,
the warm summer nights begin.

The desert's short-lived Spring
mostly undeniable in the cooled evenings.

The palm fronds swaying in a cowardly breeze,
the ruffling of bird feathers, housed in their pine nests.

All to be replaced by the chirping of the crickets,
the shrieking of the cicadas, and the yelling

of cats in heat
of quarreling couples nearing their ends
of babies too feverish to sleep
of lovers exorcising their souls through open windows

for all of the night to hear.

— The End —