Everything I say bounces off the walls in your brain.
The drink made you insane-
I've seen it once, I see it again,
I prepare myself for another bitter end.
It's relentless, it's hopeless
The way you give in
It's just like how my mother made you
Bury yourself in sin.
It's my childhood all over again.
Everyone tells me I don't deserve this;
I didn't deserve any of it.
I'm not a *****,
But I'm *******,
Microwave your mind's eye
And I'll be busy rebuilding mine.
It's a level of a detachment
That mingles wth dissociation.
The creak of the wheel turning in your head-
It's falling off the track.
You are not my father
When you are drunk.

I'm tired of fighting myself
emotionally drained
unsustained
with empty promises i
will contract some sanctity
for you

these words lack the luster
to get you back to me
in my arms
in the home of your soul
i've gone off the rails.

a narrow minded walk through the
paths life has to offer
living for others
without a true lover
i don't know what i need
to make it out alive

who am i kidding,
we all lose at this game
called life
our time runs out
call it quits,
86
don't push it, baby
you've gone too far

100 words down
a few billion more to go
until i run out
they've lost their flow
live
without

death is only a horizon
and i'm ready for my ships
to set sail
i'm ready for
my suns to set

they call it a gift,
some kind of magic
don't waste it,
lose it

a shot in the dark
a walk in the park
a day to remember
and a night to forget
God wouldn't save her
if it came down to her last breath

hide the knives and
hide the drugs from me
i am a hazard to society
i am a hazard to myself

crazy.

with my brown eyes peering back at you
from the snowed-in window pane
i shivered at the look of you
staring back at me
because i could smell you through
the closed doors

and i rested my head upon your shoulder
and you rested yours upon mine
i could not shake the desire
to reach for love i would never find

in the darkness of the night
i long for you alone
for us to make these wrongs a right
your name runs through the marrow of my bones

these words are overused
lost in synchronicity
the time has come for me to choose
between lust and serendipity

the "l" word and it's lofty weights
the way i'm begging for you to stay
but you told me not to come back again
but it's your heart on which i depend

i love you, no
i lust after you
say it ain't so
for you to love me too.

You follow me into a dark room
Only to let go of my hand.
I wish my words were more vague,
Something no one could understand.
Blunt and to the point.
I heard you got new windows,
Same painted canvas with
A brand new frame
All the colors you can see-
We don't see the same.
Do you remember the way you
Held my face in photographs?
Or the clench of your hand around my neck?
Do you remember the throes of passion
That I guess were one sided-
See, I remember everything,
Every good memory is yours to keep.
But I'll forget them soon enough,
And remember how you broke me,
And the rest, well, that's history.
If I could word it better, you know I would
It's been over a year since I met you,
And I love you more than I should.
There's a thousand bridges burning down in my chest
Ashes and smoke, above and below
There is no hope for us now.
You can get rid of my things,
You can replace them;
You can wash me away,
Cleanse your body of me.
But you cannot erase history.

I have known this fool from half way through high school,
And the best part about it is watching the fool replace himself
With the will of gods that only exist in myths,
And the strength of a thousand dead martyrs.
And it's gonna get harder man, it's gonna get a lot harder-
But the longer you remain,
your bones will begin to hold the secrets
On ******* your demons.
The longer you remain,
The endorphins will drift from your veins
And your soul will take their place.
In 2017, at this age,
What normal human being isn't coping with these societal traditions
By forcing their brain into addiction?
These are ancient laws of man, transcending modern knowledge.
Evolution made us capable of questioning our origin or divinity,
And some dare say that an imaginary man gave them this gift of sight;
Societal traditions to condition us into complacent perpetuation of the history that enslaves us.
Lately I haven't been able to hold one train of thought without
Going off the rails, but instead of crashing and burning,
I just travel at the speed of light around all the answers
that could be right.
Ultimately you inspired me to say
I am so proud that you are here today.
With my brothers wild spirit tamed by opiates,
He lingers on my bicep in memorial form
He lingers in the prayers I whisper to the dead,
As gods do not hear your prayers.
(they are too busy creating universes and
punishing their own creations
for acting out of free will)
My prayers are answered by people I know,
Whose physical forms met quietus.
They live on in otherworldly favors,
They live on in signs and vibes.
There is more to death than meets the eye.
Tangent after tangent,
I shall come to a close.
My brother was lost to needle and tar:
He passed away at the grocery store,
In the emptiness of his only car.
My friend, you are not lost
And you are still with us.
I'm so proud you now know the cost
Of instantaneous gratification offered by
The ****** drug.

downed half a bottle in less than five minutes
and then i heard the news
so my mind reached it's limits
when you told me what he did to you

your throat caught between a car door
his fingers in your mouth,
biting, tearing, screaming, like you never had before
from the time you left my house,
it all went south
blades of steel beg for him to bleed more

i would hope they choke
on all the words they spew
i can only hope
tragedy will leave me and you.

my fist met the dead wood
blood drips down my fingers
and i did not do as i should've,
found him, destroyed him, left his soul to linger

so instead i returned the books to a false love
who broke me in ways no man ever should
it should've meant something, it must've,
but with him, it never could.

here's to the bruises on your arms
and the words that still echo inside my head
here's to the war we fought, all the harm
here's to the men who are better off dead.

this city will be frozen solid
by the next break of day
chandeliers and crystals of ice
shatter in the winter winds
my eyes are wide as the horizon
open and close them with your puppet strings
keep them closed, keep them closed

make a mess of the things you left behind
turn off the electricity and
freeze yourself to death
and after you swallowed the last of your health
be sure to say your prayers
to whatever it is you see

heavy eye lids ache and burn
from the sight of you, behind them
dried words sulk along the page
and lethargic actors play along the stage

when the snow melts
and washes away your name
bury the ashes of us in the ground
never to be seen again

stretch marks concave like valleys
little pink and red lines along your thighs
the marks you could not fantasize
began to look more and more like reality

your toes curl at the sight of them
and your world stops at the taste of him
the ringing in your ears doesn't stem
from the restless binge
drinking him in.

walking under weeping trees
for their tears to drown in me
the flavor doesn't stay for long,
but god, does it taste good.

I am the sea you built the wings to escape from,
Your heaven sails shine pristine in the November wind.
I lost the moon, lost the sun,
No chance for a sky covered in sin.
And here are the words, they begin again,
Reaching in ways my hands couldn't bear
Reaching for the one
Who honestly dear, just doesn't care.

your fingers don't match up
with the ideas in your head
and you know you've had enough,
when you found yourself wishing for what is dead
so say your goodbyes
and fall in line
with what lingers,
what is gone

it wont hurt for long,
no, the freedom is worth the wait
because one day we'll wake up
with a new mind we've known all along
take it as an ounce of fate,
if it wasn't meant to be, it goes as it must.

escape now, my hopeless Icarus

Now I don't know the words to say to make it okay,
But listen.
It won't rhyme right, there will be no flow,
But these words come straight from my soul.
In your life there comes a darkness so deep;
A personal hell for you to keep,
They call it a dark paradise.
Now he's gone and there's no going back, no refund for death, and no returns for life.
I know you're sinking deeper and I know you're scared to breathe,
I know I'm selfish, and terribly hard to please.
But don't for a moment think I don't hear your screams, your pleas,
you begging him to come home.
I don't know what it's like,
But I know you're not alone.
He's waiting in the wings yet he stands beside you-
He watches you while you sleep,
why do you think he's always in your dreams?
And you are not weak, you are so strong,
Amanda, keep going,
I am no medium but I promise
that's what he's saying.
I don't mean to be defensive, I just don't understand
I don't understand your pain and I don't understand my own
Something's different and will never be the same
But I want you to know he's got you in his hands,
And your love is set in stone
You won't forget his face, the history, his name,
You won't forget a **** thing.
On your skin the hair will rise
At the thought of his touch.
And on your mind he will linger
Until the end of time.
It's too much, it's too soon,
it's tough luck, it's out of tune
Forgive death for taking him away,
Forgive yourself for not being okay.
Forgive me for not knowing what to say,
And forgive the world, for that fateful day.

Your hands untied the noose
Without even knowing what it was
Everything you do, irony shades it's hue
We seem to embrace that chapter of life
That begins with us.

That jagged birthmark across your back
Where my fingers dance
Your eyes dialate, that cool black
Into my heart, your seed still plants.

Watching your fingers slide against the strings
My muse has returned
He listens when I sing
Shaking off his winter sunburn

i bite my tongue often
regularly grind my teeth
like butterflies, they slip out of your fingers
right as you caught them
they want you to bury it all beneath
and ignore what hollow ache lingers

hurtful words spew from a once-love's lips
my jaw aches
the ego stays intact
don't know where my bones will fit
live with my mistakes
the time has come to face the facts

misuse of vibrant words
wasted on the deaf
tell me, have you heard
about how my life is just a mess?

She has muddy toes
With smoke on her breath
Her lips curl back to show
Teeth in all their mess

Her smile, it seems
To hold a feast of dreams.
And open, it beams
But you don't ever see
Her crooked piano teeth.
He plays them with his tongue,
Like fingers on the keys.

The sun it sets so swift
Like the times you swore you missed;
With letters to them all along your wrist.
Clenched up, balled up fists,
There was nothing left
For you to kiss.

by starlight the night grows full
of hopeless breaths and shameless guesses.
the words on my tongue grow tattered, and old,
he said he loved me, into the fabric of my summer dresses.

but the summer rolled away,
onto autumn, it came
but not to stay.
the winter winds whisper their threatening words
and suddenly, they were all i heard
you'll find her lying in sanctity, behind the flora and ferns.

the night is young
the mind is weak
without you, the song's begun
i have grown subtle, and meek

let your letters, like daggers,
rain upon me
not that it really matters
the way you're destroying
me.

You are the wolf at my door
Threatening to blow my house down
My house of cards
With kings and queens lined up beneath
The window pane, driving you insane

You scratch and claw your way in
To find me twitching and foaming
At the mouth, gaping wide
You couldn't wait to get inside
You tear it apart from the inside out
All the while I'm hyperventilating
Trapped on the ground

You weren't there to save me, no
You were there to rush me away
Out of your life, out of the day
To bury me in these January snows
But once it melts, I'll be there
Trapped in the ground

My house of cards is on fire now
The twos and threes left to the sounds
Of crackling flames and rushing winds
Wait until the rumbling begins

Where the ground you made a home for me in
Comes breaking apart at your feet
At the edges of darkness, we will meet again
At the precipice, we will meet
Again.

i should not be writing to you
but for the last time, i am
i'm sorry if i smothered you
i'm sorry for all the days i left
covered in time's sands.

i'm sorry just doesn't seem to cut it
for all the times i've broke you
it must have meant something, must have
wrap your fingers around my throat, too
squeeze until i breathe no more

i cannot fathom
the pain
of your absence
i cannot forget
the love
we shared

so i'll keep it to myself
all those things i wish i said
this will be the last time
i give you my soul
in words and rhymes

it is so hopeless, now
the terror you brought
into me
the way your arms
would hold me

all the accusation and excuses
my clumsy mouth would spew
every artist will have their muses
this love was never true.

and we lingered in abandoned homes
haunted forests
with graves cluttering the ground
how can i forget

i'll go now, quietly
and fight my way free
my heart strings will no longer sing
for you

the last rose of the season
the last kiss you delivered upon my lips
we fell apart with no rhyme or reason
the love i thought you'd miss.

melancholy souls encased
behind the glass of the faceless
they see in but not out
drowning in a introspective about-face
they never sit still

it gets so bright out here you can barely see
when the sunlight kisses the snow white
you haven't seen the last of me
wait until i creep into your dreams at night
and slowly make my way through your veins
meshing with your cells
i'll build a garden in your rib cage
and spend the night in your entrails
and in the end, if all else fails
i'll leave a lock of my hair safe in your heart
just know i've been digging holes in there from the start

when the city sleeps
and you're wide awake
the time grows deeper
when you've got no way to escape

the shadows all around you
dance and sing your name
in dysphoric shades of tones
he can't tell you what to do
with the feelings you've tried so hard to tame
forget that itch in your bones
it's time to go home.

so you're finally dying
today
like you said you would
yesterday
and i'm still here waiting
for the day
that comes, only as it should.

and she held on anyway
pushed and pushed
till her body gave way
first the liver,
then the kidney
your mind was lost in the shiver
and you missed me

i kissed your hands
bruised and pale
your forehead
scarred and frail
with its bandages
time slipping like sand
blood runs red
your bones hollow
like canyons

and you fell down
a few too many times
and your seizures
were the sound
of life's irrevocable fines

and now you lay in your
hospital bed
my only mother
is left for dead
i'd stand by your side
despite all the hell you showed me
you are on my mind
i still don't remember
the last time you
phoned me

If only I could step out of this skin
and tear myself to shreds,
limb by ******* limb,
sin by ******* sin.

i am fighting this battle
the way fire
fights to stay alive
burning all it can

the words are growing emptier, now
the rage inside
singes your heart and soul
and as the embers began to rise
what remains are ashes
of the unfound

life's unknowing prey
is gazing at the stars
reflecting from the eyes
of a black clean slate

the heavens are watching you, too
they meet your gaze with anticipating glances
your pleas go unheard,
your mind loses itself, it turns
and as you're writhing,
it's still staring

your lungs were full of smoke
and you didn't seem to care
your eyes were squeezed closed
as you breathed the toxic air

and so it goes,
another one down
our lives all worth the same
we are waiting for the sound
of a thousand death rattles
clattering
through clamped teeth

so the fire burns on
singing it's same old song
of snaps and sizzles
you can hear it laughing
from behind your aimless maps
and *****-deep riddles.

all i ever wanted
was you to leave a mark
on my skin
bruises to abrasions
lovers to hatred

and i wanted something to remember you by
not the songs i hear or
the tears i've cried
something more than a memory to
keep you close to home.

i know my heart is a vacant hold
onto your vindictive soul
i hope someday it drifts away,
rather than devour me whole.

i want more than your blood in my veins,
i want you in my rib cage
bursting with flora and ferns
building your garden from the inside out

forgetting you
is proving to be
a nearly impossible task.

irreplaceable.

wanted
and
needed
to
even
die

the
open

lack
of
­vitality,
emergency

yes, it's
over,
under.

fireflies only come out at night,
or maybe we just can't see their gleams of light
in the daytime

this was a lonely day
where my step father took me back to the western shore
to be alone again
companionship is not easy to come by these days,
buried in life's sad and sorry sands
regardless of all that has been good
there has always been the subtle reek of the bad

i don't know jesus,
but i hear he's a great guy
i don't know you,
but i know you're the only real answer, the only reasons why

and we pollute the rivers with reckless abandon,
and we let our children drown in it's poison
and when the sky opens up, there will be nothing left,
nothing but you, and him, and the lives that you have touched.

half orphaned little lady
with a half mended heart
and half opened ears
you are half awake
and half asleep
you are separated into
two halves

the walls are scratched in black
from unknown nails
and mindless knives
you tested the dullness
on an open wrist
and your skin
split
in
half

you missed a spot
on your ***** soul
keep cleaning,
for you've got
an ethereal growing mold
in those dark corners
where no one gazes

9:25 PM
a star falls, i was the only one to see it
about two feet across from me is where you sit
you told me the only people where your temper does not fit
me and your parents, you push away, bit by bit

9:42 PM
i am looking you dead in the eye
while you watch the stars collide
my majesty, my bona fide
the ghastly little creature that runs rampant in my mind

10:31 PM
i turn the corner
and the stars meet my eye
i feel just like a foreigner
who's lost all track of time
that numb hollow ache in the center of my chest
is where you and i stay settled,
and the memories of when you'd watch me undress.

11:00 PM
it's me still, and
you're still on my mind
it gets harder each time
to stand
and leave you behind.

winter froze us solid, solitary
i am no longer by your side
the omen calls.
hoping for something different;
oh, how useless.
unordinary and bold,
the time between us grows.

yes, i am alright without you
okay, i know you're hurt
unforgiven sins lay barren

its all over

all of the evening sunsets
mindbending in their infinity

fear and love
impeccably, are two very different things
never risk where
empathy lies

Angels come and go,
But at least they came,
Right?
I feel as though my soul melted with the snow
But you'll remember my name,
Right?

I am nothing
Not even a ghost
I am consciousness floating
In a pool of nothing
No form, no host,
Existing on no plane of time
Prey to all of a lost-lovers lies

The smoke isn't enough anymore,
Air turns to liquid
In the heat and pressure.
So instead, I do not sip it,
I swallow it whole
I suppose this is it, you have played your role.

The night calls me to dream
And my dreams call me to you
But nothing was as it seemed
Turns out I had the whole world to lose.

The flower
You gave me
Rotted, too

And the November air
Brought us farther apart
Your blank stares
Are tearing up my heart.

Everything is dying,
I need to get out and see
The last life has to offer
Before it gives up on me.

I've lost my voice
To the winds in my lungs
I don't have a choice;
We are coming undone.

that last one's really
all i got for you now
melodies are chanting through my head
at ultimate speed;
i can't quite capture them.

lately i've been going back
to the things i used to run from
in pursuit of something cold

it appears i've lost my muse;
though i cannot bow,
give it a nice "cheers!"
and walk away, no
when all you've left to lose
ain't got no use for old veneers

i'm not quite sure what i'm trying to tell you here,
but it's something screaming loud
i hope someday you'll be able to hear
something so profound

your tiny frame is a kingdom, no
a world of oceans and lands
ravaged by the course of nature,
the blight of humans
you are the earth.

your green eyes are the sea, wait
more like the galaxies up above
infinite in their creation
unsearchable by any kind of
ego-restrained machination

your fragile bones are structures, but
statues made in honor of something so profound
you've been thinking so hard to find
it is inside not the bone marrow that sticks around,
rather the fleeting memories you ignore in your mind

your soul is a flame, not even
it is the big bang
that brings us all to life
in your honor, all the angels have sang
I am so honored to have the privilege to call you mine.

the blood is pooling down my wrist
and pills bubbling in my throat
i cannot live a life like this
i cannot go on with life holding me captive.

the scars don't hold enough
to make me stop cutting
the hospitalizations don't weigh enough
for me to stop trying

i will win this battle with
acetaminophen
i will win, the devil's will lose

or is it the other way around
you talked me into it
your stupid ******* words and all their carelessness
wash it down with liquor
you know it's worth nothing
to say i love you

the words don't come as slow as they used to
a little bit of knowledge will destroy you
i'll miss the music
i'll miss the days
i'll miss waking up to sunrise
and you delivering my pills
i'll miss you caring every single second of the day
i'll miss you hoping i'll be okay

but this time i wont
this time i can't stay
because a boy destroyed me,
shattered my already broken core

all that will be left
is bones

what can i say
the bitter cold has a way
of etching words of sorrow
into your bone marrow

i liked the way you breathe
always so gentle
even when your heart is lashing out at me
i thought i had it handled
the way i fall in love completely
or not at all
you wouldn't even meet me
at the train station, so i walked

everyone says i should be angry
but no, i am just so sad
loss holds a heavy weight upon me
not enough to anger me, just enough to drive me mad

what more can i say,
when you have a way
of feeling your thoughts so deep
never having time for anyone else to keep.

wuthering anatomy lay bare to an inquiring eye
morose, i have a sympathetic chord
unstable, barely perceptible fissure,
lost in sullen waters.
conduct me, in silence, through many dark and intricate passages in my progress.
somber, ebon blackness.
a tattered atmosphere of sorrow
pervaded all
cadaverous and pallid
unusual moral energy, not easily forgotten.
silken incoherence reminisces from a hollow self.
a family evil, a nervous affection
tortured by the grim phantasm, FEAR.
mental condition conveyed in terms too shadowy here to be restated
a bitterness which i can never forget
a settled apathy
a gradual wasting away of the person
alleviated the melancholy, as if in a dream.
the recesses of spirit
poured fourth upon all objects of the universe.

ultimatums to make a woman mad
choose between nothing, and half of what you had
there's nothing harder than unrequited love
sends you screaming and howling for the angels above

and it gets easier, the longer time fades
it gets harder every time you turn a new page
and when it's over, when they no longer want you by their side
all you have is your breath, and the dull ache in your mind

you're waiting for a response
while i'm trying to read between the lines of your songs
to see if maybe there's a way
to get you to come back, and stay.

ice falls from the clouds
and all i can hear is the sound
of it falling to the ground
ticking like a clock, so ******* loud.

this is an ultimatum,
i remember the train station
your hands, their creations
i recite you word by word, verbatim

substitute your blades with butted cigarettes
and watch the blisters seep their diluted pus
let the scars heal, sure
but you still haven’t found the cure

love is a sick mixture of
obsession and adoration
such a matter-less composition
i am unsure of
an honest explanation

we lack understanding of the true meaning
behind sweet nothings you whisper tenderly in my ear
all i do centers around you,
you are my sun the light in my world

but it’s been getting dark lately
when you hide from me behind the shadows
and the darkness creeps quietly behind me
it’s gotten so hard to let it go

I try to pick up where we left off
I miss the sunrise that peeped through my window
while i lay in your bed
Next to you i feel at home but now a days
your shoulder grows cold

just like my heart when you
turn away from me
and your back is pressed against my front
but i still feel your heartbeat
thump thump thumping away
but it don’t thump for me, no

No, for me it goes still
indifferent to my presence
I mourn for the connection between us
the light that has long since died out
I am shrouded in doubt

you had a hot, sweet taste to your lips
that i got too wrapped up in
it plagues me at night
right before i fall out of consciousness
only to visit me while i sleep
leave me in peace.

I'll show you what love is
love is the scars he traced into your skin
  love is the ***** you expelled in your haste to forget
   love is filthy
Love is ***** like the socks you left under his bed,
love is rotten like what's left of what was
  love is the way you turned around and walked away
so as not to show him your tears
Love is the first tear that fell,
the last tear to drip
love is the blood spilled
over him
  love is every word the pen has scrawled
about him
   love is in your dreams,
awake or asleep
    love is the martyr
that brought us no relief.

i will run barefoot through the snow
longing for you
like i did years ago
screaming for a mother who
never paid the time of day
to a lonely child like me
your similarities to
how she used to say
"i'm gonna die, someday"
just things you never needed to say

and i'll take a look at the stars
just hoping that you're looking too
but i know that you aren't
because you're too busy being open and loose
like kites in the air
in the summer breeze
life just ain't fair
for people like you and me

don't give your words to him
because he doesn't deserve them
don't give your patience, your time
just become the never mind

oh dear, it appears
i have fallen quite hard
with tears
and laughter
and a shard of
desperation.

snap your heart in half,
i never could
thats why i stay
despite your hesitance, your
imperfection in your path
so maybe i should
go away
but i need you, and you need me more

you are the intricate disease
i've found in my veins
the words come natural for you
you owe me no
extraordinary fees
daylong rains
my heart is beating for you
i need you close, closerclose

put me together and
set me free
just to break me apart
is this what love has become
this love was unplanned
you and me
from the start
to the end, the running sun

come to be
where i am

my passion
reared it's head
and flashed it's fangs
you kissed the poison
right off its lips
it imploded
destroying
all i loved

unforgivable crimes
and their compartmentalized
little sins
shallow gasps for air
in between sighs of relief

i'll give you my wings
for a wave, hello
i'll give you anything
for you not to go

can you really
not feel the
electricity
between our skin?

Dear first love,
Memories and dreams are all I can know you from now.
Years ago, when we were in the same space and time
You visited my slumber a few moments ago,
It gave me a few things to say.

Dear first love,
How dare you encounter me
Beside my lover, in bed, asleep?
And how dare you be so far away
In reality?
Have you forgotten me?
What was I to you?
Something short of nothing?

Dear first love,
I know I sound bitter, angry
But those feelings are put to rest
They say you never forget your first love,
And you don't stop loving them either.
What went through your mind when you saw me
Say your name in the throes of passion
Was it love? Was it all made up in my head?

Dear first love,
I would be lying to say it doesn't hurt
To see you've moved on.
It's been four years now
Since we parted
But something still pains in my chest
When I hear your name, or see your face

Dear first love,
I am sorry.
It's safe to say I trapped you
Between my love and my pain
I hope that you are falling more in love
Every single day.
I hope that your hip has lost the chronic pain,
I used to massage it away.
I hope that when I cross your mind
There is no bitter end,
And although we'll never see each other again
I will never forget you, and neither could my pen.

Memories to make or break you,
And dreams to show the truth.
Neither will save you,
But rather, remind you of what you had
Before you threw it all away.
20 pills down the hatch
Couldn't make the world a better place.

I see you in my sleep,
I feel you in everything I see.
Everything I loved, was everything I lost-
I swear I used to be so free.

My words are recycled from times of agony,
Just rearranged to fill the space you took when you walked away.
Now I don't see how I was preparing to tell you
That I would spend the rest of my life
Waiting for you to love me.

All of me was lost in you,
And my identity is fractured- no,
Shattered.
I don't understand how it was so easy for you to choose
To leave me for good;
I must have never mattered
To you.

I heard you speak in Greek just now
To a man who's barely alive
He was too unconscious to hear you in this world
But your words will forever echo 
In his heart. 
I need to find a way to look at you
Without falling in love all over again. 
And when I hear your voice 
It's like the call of angels from heaven,
I don't even believe in heaven. 
Was the light of your life for a few weeks there
Now I'm more like
The guiding light
To your darkened eyes
I don't know man, sometimes it just feels like
Something beautiful could've happened, and we just 
Couldn't seem to fight
For all we saw in each other, all that life
I really would have had you not
Shown me it was all for naught
Now I'm laying in lukewarm water
The soggy ends of my hair
Drinking wine someone else bought
But nothing feels as right as you,
Nothing felt as true. 
Sorry, sorry I won't shut up
I know this hurts, but please don't cry,
The happiest thing I know
Is that you're alive
And when my breath stops
When I breathe my final sigh
Years from now, a couple hundred stones down the road;
You'll still linger in my breath
You haven't been breathing well, my darling,
Because I kept some of your air for myself
To taste in the times I feel most alone
To remember your hands, and eyes, and oh god
I can't stop. 
You were meant to be in my arms and I haven't known it so strong
In so long
Once a miracle happened
when I knew he could be mine
Turns out things fell right in line
Even if I was a fallback; the second time. 
I think life works in synchronous ways
And I've seen it far too often in us, these days. 
All of me was a song we both knew,
And we both tore ourselves apart in the tub, same time, and just with you
I'm so sorry I broke apart
And quite literally terrified your heart
Into being so scared of me you can hardly look in my eyes,
But believe me when I say, this connection is one of a kind. 
I carved your name In my skin not to be spiteful,
Rather to remember you, forever, even when our ships set sail
I took your soul by the handfuls
And showed them to you with no avail 
I wish I could give you my eyes
To see the angel I can't seem to ever deny. 
Please hold out for me, when the tides get rough
The current may pull, but I am always here
To keep you afloat. 
I know in the deep end, it always gets tough,
Nightmares and daylight fears;
But I won't let you go. 
No, I won't give up on you
Until the day you no longer want me to stay. 
I won't even doubt you
When you say everything will be okay. 
Because I'll believe you, till the day I die,
When you talk, I'll listen,
You're the only truth I won't deny.

Dropping with the temperature
Those little noises your pet makes
Building space in structure
Where do you fall when the ground shakes?

And your words grow heavier over time
They leak in through my shoulders
Break their way into my spine
it was nice today, but now it's grown colder

Here are my lamentations
In red, blue, green
No time for the lonely situations
That my eyes have only seen.

Oceans gray with a purple hue
I am trying to erase you.
Pens and markers- their ballpoint blue
I am trying to forget you.

the only passion i have
is found in words and love
tears and blood
there is no rhythm
like the one your heart beat plays

the silence is intimidating
crushing you from the inside out
loneliness creeps
from each corner you forgot to dust
nothing happens around here

so the air grows stagnant
around our soft little shell of a planet
the ground the abdomen,
the trees the appendages
there's not much of a difference between us,
after all.

i can smell you sometimes
i can taste you anytime
even though you're not around,
when i need you

i don't watch the news,
i don't read the paper.
i am blissfully ignorant
of this world's demons and ghosts

i don't have much to lose
but i prefer to inhale the vapor
this is not innocence,
but make-believe, at most.

i don't want to know about your bombs and blood
i don't care about the airplanes crashing from above
viruses to wipe out millions,
your country's soldiers killing impeccant civilians.

there is too much love in my heart
for me to know this world
in truth, honesty, clarity,
it would simply tear me apart.
this empty chaos has unfurled
could we not be human without the austerity?

so keep it to yourself,
what you heard on the television today
i'd rather not be aware of this hell
we, ourselves, have made.

The magic of the mentally ill
Is the ability they master, with time,
To continue on and thrive
With a hell built into their mind.
I sobbed so hard they thought I was laughing
And instead of screaming, I whisper, silent enough that only
The weak of mind can hear.
And there's something to be said for
The weaker than the average human
And how I have to say they're different from you-
in a negative tone-
Just so you'll comprehend the difference
Between us and you.
Truth is we are stronger than anyone
Will ever give us credit for
And in our solemn solitude
We find ourselves wishing for release
Through whatever could get us out the fastest
From this hell built into our minds.
Truth is we are never going to escape.
Instead we adapt, we tie the knots between hell and heaven
And we thrive
Despite the hell built into our minds.

Hang your head in dissolution
We are victims of evolution.
Do you hide behind your lost ruminations?
Have you kept your heart delicately sanctioned?

Keep your words to a minimum
No ones really listening.
We are all lost in ad infinitum
With coal black souls, glistening.

Are the chains tight enough
On your scar tissue wrists?
Has the blade grown dull, the skin grown tough,
Have you lost yourself yet, to the autumn mists?

It gets cold around here
I suppose it's about that time of year
When the leaves fall, torn and halved
These winter winds could drive a man mad.

Keep watching for words
You never sought to hear
Eyes to the skies, envying the birds
For all the distance they're yet to clear.

I'll write it to you
Since there's no one else listening
But I'm not even sure you are, too.
When you're gone, something is missing.

I know it's all been said before
But I can't quite get it out of my system
I'm sure you know what it's like; standing behind closed doors
That hopelessness we get when we miss them.

I know you know what I mean
All you wanted was to be loved
So go, wash your body clean of me
Sometimes it's all we can do, when push comes to shove.

I want you there in my most intimate of times
I want you so much closer.
Here I go again with these ****** rhymes,
Unsynchronized disposer.

Come over, make yourself at home
Share a cup of tea with me.
We don't have to go at this alone,
We can't shoulder this animosity.

Soaking in your old bath water
That detachment you got fueling
Reminds me of my father.
The way you look at me so coolly.

You are the sunshine
Peeking through my curtains
Good morning, good night
Could we make amends?

I've been meaning to write something like this for a while
But the time hadn't come like it just has
Where words and a desire for death mesh
Into something that someone might be able to relate to,
I don't know, maybe not, but in all actuality
I'm here just to find a way to let this out without
Ending it all in that way that's always called selfish-
You may call this a suicide note, or maybe a testament to living

When my light dims to darkness
But right before you forget all about me,
I hope that you sing about me.

Embers to light the way, nothing less nothing more
Everyone gives up, everyone gets tired of you eventually
They say all you can count on is yourself,
But what about when it's yourself that's trying to **** you?

When my light dims to darkness
But right before you forget all about me,
I hope that you sing about me.

When the time comes I don't know where I'll be
Who I'll be
What I'll be
But all I know is that no one will take me
Unless it's my hand.

Recovery must be a fallacy;
Because right when I taste it's sweet release
I find myself alone, backtracking

When my light dims to darkness
But right before you forget all about me,
I hope that you sing about me.