If I was a garden
Were you my vibrant flowers?
Or were you my choking weeds?

I ripped you off like a band aid.
Out of my life
Gone for good
But not until I knew I wouldn't need you anymore.
You took parts of me with you
Like how a bandage takes off some skin
Maybe a little hair.
I have healed.
And now, you've pushed me
Knowing I'll trip
Fall
Cut and bleed
Cry.
You pushed me knowing that you'd be able to patch me up with band aids.
And I know that I'll have to rip them off
One by one
All by myself.

Chaos.
Disarray.
Uncontrolled.
Messy.
Clutter.
Disorder.
Spilling­ thoughts...

You.

November 4th, 2011, 12:57am.

I 'like' myself.
I like my eyes,
How they resemble a forest
After the rain,
But I don't like how they get red and bloodshot
Whenever I cry:
A forest fire
That's out of my control.
I like my hands,
How they can create art out of nearly anything,
But I don't like how they are covered
In scars
Made by pencils and pens and words that were too sharp.
I like my legs,
How they are strong,
Dependable,
A best friend,
But I don't like how they're stretched out,
Or how they rub together,
Or the way they jiggle when I walk.
I like my arms,
How there are constellations of freckles buttered over my skin,
But I don't like how no matter how hard I try,
I can't seem to pull myself up
Off the cold,
Concrete ground.
I like my hair,
How it trickles down like a waterfall,
Into the valley known as
The small of my back
But I don't like how it's made up of split ends
From staying in the hot shower for way too long
Dreading the morning sun.
Nevermind.
Maybe I don't like myself.

March 31st, 2015, 3:00am.

It has been a long road.
I have crashed
Gotten back up patched.
Added and subtracted
The Weight
The Clothes
The Hair
The Makeup
To get my answer
To a complex math problem;
A complex life problem
That I'm sure you've all encountered
On that one pop quiz
From the first day of school
That you took before they even knew your name.
#1. "What do they all think about me?"
#100. "Do I like myself?"
And with all I've experienced
And learned through self love and so
Much
Patience,
My answer is this:
I don't like myself,
I ******* love myself
And I hope you can all learn to do the same
Because nobody deserves to be caught under their own shadow of
Self Doubt.

Constellations of stars bend from heaven
To envelope you and kiss your soft lips.
But here I am drinking from the ocean
To forget about the sway of your hips.
I'll fall asleep and doze off either way
After writing you a letter saying
I miss how you pray: "it'll be okay",
Cause I wish you were here, under my wing.
See, the galaxies between my fingers
Are right where your planets fit perfectly.
Now come down, step away from the dreamers
Let me sweep you up for eternity.
If my voice could reach you, I'd sigh in your ear:
"Oh darling, my love, I wish you were here."

If only you knew
How many of both my loving and aching poems
Were written because of you.

I had a dream about someone last night.
About being wrapped up
In tree trunk arms
That we're not encased in bark
But rather some warm,
Soft skin
That would graze up against my cheek.
I dreamed of how their rose petal lips
Would search for my face in the dark,
And how their words would end up resonating in my head,
Like when you howl into the black of a cave
And it screams back to you.
"I love you."
"I love you."
"I love you."
But I also dreamed about
My journals burning.
My thoughts,
Sketches,
And lists.
All crumbled,
Spread into ashes
And then gone with the wind.
I dreamed of
Leaping ten feet into the air
And coming down so fast and hard
That I broke every bone in my body
And they couldn't put me back together again.
Now,
I'm sure you can say that the last two dreams mentioned
Weren't dreams,
But rather
Nightmares.
But what about the first one?
Knowing that it will never happen?