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"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
I'll be waiting,
     for the day we become one
I'll be waiting,
     'till the day you return
I'll be waiting,
     with my heart still open for you
No matter how long,
      i'll be waiting for You
 Jan 2018 ashley lingy
Quinn
I miss shaving his neck in the shower.
It was my favorite thing to do because
a shaved neck
smoothed my canvas
of kisses and
bruises.

It was my favorite thing to do because
he was vulnerable.
He naked stripped
shamelessley
bare for me only,

until the day he made me realize something.
I was vulnerable in the shower too.

That morning his hand just wasn't enough.
Fresh wetted face from shower droplets
tears
and him

shoved me to the shower floor
subjected waterboarding, I thought
love was me shaving his neck in the
shower.

But love,
is me,
cowering,
on the bathroom floor,
casually offering my
inner chest's key
to his griping hand,
and his moaning throat.
still my favorite thing to do though
 Jan 2018 ashley lingy
mel
i am not one for making bets
but i bet your heart skipped too
when my soul recognized you
 Jan 2018 ashley lingy
Holland
Gray
 Jan 2018 ashley lingy
Holland
It's the blend of black and white
The collapsing of good and evil
Like parallel universes becoming one
Like the pull of an angel to the dark side
Or of a devil redeemed
Or like two children at play
rolling down opposite sided hills
Until they meet in the middle of a valley
But gray is not just two colors combined
It is a feeling too
Like an uninvited dark cloud
Looming over head
Crowding you in an empty room
Gray can even be a sensation
A feeling of breathlessness
Despite knowing that your lungs work perfectly
It is the color of numbness
Of no personality and "I don't care"
Its the color of not having an appetite
And a lack of social interaction
Gray is the black and white feeling of a panic attack
When the lights start to blend together
But that slowly turn black as you start to disassociate from the world around you
And you only hear your ears ringing and your heart beat

Heart beat...

The one thing that makes us real
The one thing that we all have in common.

BUT we have more than just hearts
We have minds

Minds that make the human race diverse

Gray is the color of diversity
It represents the complete blend of black and white

To think of the world in black and white would be a crime
Not because there is never a right or a wrong
But because when you see the world in gray,
You witness a world of beauty, pain, error
Emotions that don't exist in clean margins

I love the world that I see in gray.

Can you see it too?
 Jan 2018 ashley lingy
Quinn
i think i forgot to take my pills today
because

i swear somebody just slammed a car door
behind me

why else would my ear be ringing and my
body jumping

unless that was simply the sound of my
neck snapping.

as my
brain
body dis-
connects
and every-
thing
looks like a
circle be-
cause it
all whizzes
past me
my body
can't
respond
because

yes

that was the sound of my neck snapping.

Maybe i just rolled my head
back too hard in agony
tragic forget-mistake

'take these
everyday'

'or what?'

'you might feel like yourself'

what a thought.

This can't be me-
i've cried three
times today, please
someone tell me
why i can't sleep
without dreaming
...
because i always
have to wake up.
I hate missing a day, I always feel insane :P
 Jan 2018 ashley lingy
Quinn
My name is Mr.
Nobody, and where I live
no one notices

me. Except for my
reflection, and through swirling
chaos, my mirror

taught me, to mask my
insides, lights behind my eyes
with an outside that's

also me, just a
bit more brittle. My shell that
I wear doesn't like

think or care about
people's little problems while
skinny starve-people

sit in the sand while
I hear bubble-people speak.
The innocence in

them concealed as a
person, hasn't been pricked
by the planet's harsh

criticisms, and
the people they haven't grown
up to be yet are

trapped in fast tracked
single mindedness, without
seeing life's puzzle.

I dance my way through
a lost portrait of chaos,
have you ever thought

of the forbidden
garden of eden? Was it
a fruit perched in a

garden? Or the earth
that I walk on. Do people
think about stillness

before biting from
the perfect enclosed system
that beauty and trees

were frame formed out of?
Gaia kissed me then spoke
I blended into

her perfect portrait,
no more important than a
droplet of water.

Insignificance
is inherent to life and
I hate when people

think themselves taller
than forests or think deeper
than creatures living

at the bottom of
the ocean. My mirror sits
frozen behind each

of my eyelids, so
each time I blink I transport
to tranquility,

only to open
my eyes and find spaces full
of bubble-people

who have not yet learned
to blink, world shrink perceived as
the seven seas world

breezes and knowledge
that is fake and brittle. and

My
   name
            is
               Mr. Nobody
                          and where I live
                                   no one notices me
                                              except for my reflection.
It is so easy to be invisible these days...
Desperate was the Hand,
To the Fist,
To the Door of Introspection,
To the Mind, to the Darkness.

Pounding, pounding away,
The broken bones,
To the dust of flesh.

A moment before forfeit,
The Great Gate collapses.
Bursting into a torrential tide of Madness,
This scornful swell swam deep into the Heart.
Its suffocating chill, mirroring the growing Dissent,
Resonating all of discord in a living Thought.

Hope's last stand sends deceit fleeing.
Rushing waves, shuttering away,
From the pathetic kindle.
Such a sad flicker, this bastion of salvation.

As with All Things, this too falls.
The Darkness, the Madness,
The Door to all Doors,
Consumes the Light.
there are things I want you to remember. you are a celestial spirit born among the stars. we may be souls having a human experience, but nothing is permanent. you will be reborn among the cosmos off into infinity. there is no birthstone or deathstone, so don't hold to yours like it is a monument, keeping you grounded to this place.

we collect memories and store them like faded photographs in golden lockets worn around our necks, hoping to stand the test of time. nothing is forever – we cannot even fathom it. keep your loved ones close, because the universe knows kindred spirits and places them within distance of contact through acts of synchronicity.

there are things we cannot document: things that surpass language, space, and time. feelings and emotions that we bottle as glory; showing the world our flasks as we either drink in excess, or keep the cork firmly in place.

as human language has limitations, the labeling on our bottles are wrong; and we are off key about the unnamed emotions and feelings we are ingesting in excess, or storing away as a collection to gaze upon throughout our lives, before we fade back to (star)dust.
September 20th, 2014.
meditative musings of existential enigmas.
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