he broke me, he repaired me, he changed me.
i would do anything for him. he seemed like a responsibility. i needed to be there for him, i needed to be his shoulder to cry on,i needed to laugh with him to make myself feel better.
he changed and i didn't.
he intoxicates my mind like a drug i have never taken before. he charms me with his sweet voice and music. he can't be my shoulder to cry on, he can't talk me out of my sadness, he can't cheer me up on my bad days.
Sometimes, a certain line will take me back to when we were happy. i bet he can't identify where it's coming from.
our conversations are bland now. with blue ticks by each message showing that both of us don't care anymore. one of us is burdened with the thoughts and memories of the other, one of us can't give a ****

why does his presence linger in my poems and stories?
why does he become a reason for me to write?
why does he make me question my emotional state?

ashes cover my bones

i stare at the fire i started

my past lies behind me

my swords are not blunt anymore

my shield is destroyed

smoke rises up

blinding the rest of the world

slowly, i rise

i stand amidst my remains

naked and pure,

stronger and wise,

my swords are not blunt anymore

now,i watch my story unfold

{Trigger warning; self injury}

it's time
for me to end it all
it's time to cut off the parts which meant nothing at all
i will force myself
to go down a dark hole,
visit my past and feel the pain all over again.
i will watch myself
struggle to breathe
as my demons **** me
as my fears choke me
as another sword pierces my heart
as i destroy everything right from the start.

the rain drowns the city's noise,
all you can hear is the storm knocking on your door.
potholes filled with muddy water,
traffic officers standing without umbrellas.
the poor stand outside and wonder
if they'll get some sleep tonight.
the rich pose for another picture
with a fake smile.
commuters cursing the rain gods and the government
for not using their taxes to fill holes with more cement.
the storm has been knocking on our doors
we've been too busy to answer it's call
but now it has let itself go
and the city has drowned before dawn.

another bullet fired
another one killed
how am i supposed to react?
do i write a speech on gun control? do i condemn a gunman's actions i could never fathom?
should i think of the ones who won't live to see another day?

another gun loaded
another life scarred
let me write a Facebook post about the victim
let me take a deep breath and articulate my feelings
and wonder why a young woman who was living her dream have to die in front of her brother and fans