You are my pill
That I take each morning
When I wake up
And each night
Before I fall

Before I am on my back, ready for burial
Before I lay for hours, wishing I were home

“Push your sleeves up”, they say
“We don’t want you stealing your medication”
“We don’t want you to overdose, now do we?”

Too late.
I’ve already overdosed on you.

-Reckless

When I think of you
                                                             ­                    I think of teacups;
for when my mind is blank                
                              
                                 ­  the thoughts of you manage to

                                               l
                                                      e
       ­                                                       a
        ­                                                              k

­                                                                 ­             inside my head.

Why do I come here,
Day
After
Day
Soak my worries into these healing poems
Dive into someone else's heartbreak
Cry with them
Swim though a tangle of truth written by a nobody
You aren't a nobody anymore
This is a haven, a sanctuary of hope
For all these wandering poets
Wandering through heartbreak
Lies, truth
Death, life
Hurt, healed
So, ask me, why am I here?
Aren't you here for the same reason?

I found love with every step I take,
into all these whimsical forests I went.

I found love within each beat,
I heard dancing in my favorite music.

I found love with every cup,
of coffee my mouth sipped.

I found love in paint and brush,
painting sky of beautiful sunsets.

I found love in inked pens,
writing down words I couldn't tell.

I found love in me,
and I will hold onto that.

you say you know me,
but do you know how i feel when i see you?
do you know the pains i get?
do you know the guilt that brews in my gut?

you say you know me,
but do you know what i look like at 2 a.m.
as i cry into my dingy white pillow? do you
know what i look like with dried tears on my face?

do you know the long walk i take to the
bathroom as i search my mother's medicine cabinet
for a pill or razor that'll release the pain you bottled
up inside me? do you know why i'm an alcoholic at fourteen?

you don't. because you don't know me.
and i don't think i know you, anymore.

wake up.
why won’t you just stand up?
open your eyes.
i refuse to believe any of the universe’s lies.

stop this.
i hate to reminisce,
don’t let this be true.
we’ve got so many dreams and wishes to pursue.

i don’t understand.
this wasn’t planned,
this is too soon.
who gave three women the right to cut one string?

but no one knows how one string
can affect everything.
once whole,
now two,
frayed at the edges where the scissors broke through.

please, don’t you see what you’re doing to me?
i can’t stop the tears from running free,
can’t stop the sobs from shaking my whole body.
help, please, help, anybody, everybody, somebody.

no matter how much I hold my hands over my ears,
i can hear the universe’s words loud and clear.
no matter how much I wish it for it not to be true,
i know that you’re gone.

nobody knows.
nobody understands I suppose.

i didn’t even get a goodbye.
all I can do now is look to the sky.
and while I may not be able to see you again,
i hope you’ve watched me battle through this unknown terrain.
because if there’s one thing I’ve come to learn,
it’d be that I didn’t know just how strong we can truly be.