I love the way the moon hangs in the sky
because whether it's surrounded by darkness
or shrouded in daylight
it still remains beautiful for all to see

I decided to be nostalgic
And flip on the Fresh Prince.
The "gentle" comedy cheers me up,
But then again, laughter is infectious.
I'm on a marathon now
With this show on reruns.
Watching every episode
Until one...

You watch a sitcom and expect
To chuckle and cackle along with the audience.
You expect your heart to be lifted
Out of whatever darker place you've been.
You don't expect it to hit so close to home
That your throat closes up
And your lungs burn with the need to breathe
But you can't
Because suddenly where there was the sound
Of deep throated guffaws,
Of bellyaching mirth,
Is only uncontrollable weeping and sobs
You never knew a sitcom could draw.

Will: I didn't need him then, I don't need him now.
Philip: Will...
Will: No, you know what, Uncle Phil? I'ma get through college without him, I'ma get a great job without him, I'ma marry me a beautiful honey, and I'ma have me a whole bunch of kids. I'ma be a better father than he ever was, and I sure as hell don't need him for that, 'cause there ain't a **** thing he could ever teach me about how to love my kids!
[long pause]
Will: [breaks down] How come he don't want me, man?

That echo in my soul:
How come she don't want me, man?

My nickname for you was "broccoli".
I called you that because
Your hair is so curly
That one of our classmates
Tried to describe it and could only
Come up with "broccoli"
And somehow that name stuck in my heart.
To this day, I can't eat broccoli
Without thinking of you,
Picturing your curly brown hair
And kind green eyes
And strong yet tender fingers
And brilliant ear-to-ear smile
And smirk just for me.

I miss you. A lot.
I never told you I was in love with you,
And I regret that.
So I want to write a book of poems
And promote it far and wide
Just so I'll have the chance
To maybe catch your attention
And see you again.
Then, maybe I can tell you
"Thanks for the collection of Emerson
You so thoughtfully bought me...
That's what made me fall
Head over heels for you."

The only perspective you let yourself see
From those mesmerizing eyes,
Is that you are utterly inadequate
And may as well not be
And a flurry of other black lies.

You think in the dark of the things you are not
And let them consume you whole,
You believe in your heart you're stupid
Guess what? You forgot
That I love every part of your soul.

You're stuck on depression and melancholy
And I try to help you out,
But there are those times of darkness
When my well-worn key
Is tossed aside as you take another route.

Look inward, love, at the things that are best
The things deep inside that make you
Who you are
Each of your special qualities scream to be noticed
And you need to find them
For yourself
Don't you dare change them
Because they are wonderful
Don't give up faith in yourself
Because I never will
Don't you dare think you are nothing
Because you are my everything

.... You've shrouded yourself in darkness
And you believe that's all you are.
But I see your light.

I made it my daily habit
To paint on a face of "I can do this."
No one knew of the bleeding stripes
On my back or heard my silent cries.
They only saw the laughter
On my lips that never reached my eyes.
They only heard the embellished tales
I spun to hide the shake in my voice
When I tried to avoid
Talking about my real life.
Covered up and hidden away
Were all my bruises and wounds.
No wonder no one believed me
When I wiped the mask off my face,
When I stopped spinning yarns,
And uncovered my back and lifted my eye,
And laid bare my soul for them to see.
They thought it another trick,
A story for them to dismiss,
Instead of the plea for help and mercy
I had finally drummed up the courage to make.
It is fear that drove me to hide.
Fear and my most stubborn pride.
I wanted to be whole more than anything else.
But the truth is that I'm broken and in need of help.

Now, though, there's none who believe
The words of truth from my mouth
For I've spent far too long hiding behind
The words of an embellished life.

Alright, I'll confess it.
I would change everything about you.
Your bangs should sweep left to right,
Not right to left like you have them now.
Your cocky half smile quirks too much
So I think you should tone it down.
The way you shrug one shoulder then the other
In some comedic fix of antipathy
Should be more pronounced and firm.
I'd like it better if the shoes you wore
Weren't the same pair day after tired day.
Oh, and I think you're better looking
If you'd try to wear any makeup at all.
Really. Anything would help at this point.
I would change everything about you.
The way you talk, the way you walk,
Your affability towards people,
Your desire to learn and know the world.
I would strip you of everything you are
And have and know and love
And make you into someone new,
Someone different, someone...whole.
Because with all these not so bad qualities
I see in you through your wary eyes,
Are a host of demons lurking
In the black parts of your soul.
And I would rid you of them
For they haunt you and scare you
And turn you into someone I don't know.
If it means all the things I love and cherish,
All the quirks and smirks that make me smile
Must die in bloodshed as well,
Then so be it.
I would change everything about you.
If it meant that the things that drive you mad,
That tear you away from my side
In a fit of chaotic turbulence,
That make you cry uncontrollably in the dead of night,
Would all be expelled from your being,
Then I would gladly give up
The person I love
In exchange for someone else.
For I would rather you be someone totally different
And still holding my hand,
Than to see you drift further and further away
Into the darkness of your mind.

I try
To stop
The thoughts
That haunt
My sleep.

But when
I push
Them out
They claw
Their way
Back in
My dreams
And become
Night terrors.

Nightmares of
Us laughing,
Us dancing,
Us talking,
Us walking,
Us living,
Us being
Together again.

When I
Wake up,
The hole
In my
Heart grows
A little
Bigger than
It had
Been before.

You're gone.
And all
I have
Left from
Your presence
Are these
**** memories.

*F you.

He knew.
That's all she could think about.

He knew.
And she had no clue how.

He knew.
And that a mystery profound.

He knew.
But didn't give her the runaround.

HE KNEW.
And stayed to be her wolfhound.

He knew.
This is love, no doubt.

She knew
His promise is his vow.

I used to love you
When you were in your darkened mood
When you were down right depressed
Never giving the day a rest
Can't tell you how you blessed
When you were in your darkened mood

When you wrote of suicide
How it seemed to bring you life
Your written feelings brought me to tears
As you recounted your lost lonely years
Although I'm thankful that your still here
When you wrote of suicide

Now that you seem to have found someone
It appears your darkened days are all but gone
I'm wondering would it be that bad
If I secretly hope he treats you like crap
So the dark side of poetry can have you back
Before the day you found someone