She wrote down her thoughts
More than she said them
The paper was her confidante
And her mouth the pen.

She wrote in prose and rhymes
In words of grief and pain
Sadness was her mother tongue
And joy her only bane.

She wrote down the cruelty
Of love and of art
She fed on broken promises
That gave her a shattered heart.

I’m starting to forget
        how his voice sounds when he says my name
        how his hand felt clasping mine
        how his arms were wrapped around me.

I’m starting to forget
        the twinkle in his eyes
        the light in his smile
        the warmth of his breath.

I'm starting to forget
        why he stayed beside me
        why he made promises
        why he broke every single one of them.

They’re gone.
       All these things
       Are but mere fragments of shattered memories
       Like a cloud of smoke
       that disperses after a while       until it is completely gone.

It was on those sleepless nights
When I was alone with my thoughts
That I realized
Noise is not just sound
Because silence can be the most defeaning.

I guess you never meant
A single word you said.

I guess you never chose me
But wanted her instead.

I guess it wasn't right
To love you more and more.

I guess you weren't worth
Holding on and fighting for.

I guess every little thing
Was merely an illusion.

I guess I tried my best
But you wanted perfection.

I guess I'll move on
Or I probably won't.

I guess I have to keep guessing
What you mean and what you don't.

You pierced my heart
With every smile at her
With every glance looked her way
With every brush of your hands
With every hushed whisper to her ear
With every sign of longing in your eyes.

I knew, of course
No matter how much
You denied it
I watched you look at her
And I knew
Because
You used to
Look at me that way.

"Have you ever been in love?" I asked her.
She smiled wearily and looked into the distance. "Yes," she replied, and it broke my heart because I felt the pain she was hiding. I saw it in her sad eyes and in the circles around them. I heard it in her firm voice . I felt it. And it was a pain so great, like the whole world caved in on her. I felt that pain **** the air out of her.
She looked at me and drew a deep breath. "I still am."
"Where is he now?" I asked her.
"Probably in his office, preparing a blueprint for a building."
"Is he married?"
"Not yet , but he will be."
She cleared her throat. The wind blew and her hair brushed against her face. Her hair was dark with a few streaks of gray. She looked younger then, with that serene look on her face. I could see her again as an eighteen-year-old. She was still small, but she had a certain kind of fierceness. She was altogether fragile, like thin glass. She was broken, but she did not cry.
I shifted in my seat. "So he's engaged?"
"Yes."
"Do you know the girl?"
A hint of a smile showed, but I knew it wasn't of amusement. Even in her smile, I saw the sorrow. "She was my bestfriend," she replied and it was the first time I heard her voice quaver. A tear rolled down her cheek. She laughed miserably. She laughed at the ridiculousness of her situation. She laughed at herself for being so stupid, so pathetic. So hopeless.
She didn't love like others did. She didn't love so fleetingly, so conditionally. She was forgiving, and gave second chances as if they grew on trees. She loved with her whole heart. She didn't love with the physical kind of love. She loved with her soul, and she loved another soul. One soul. One man, and that was it. And she knew that even in the end, when she lies cold in her grave, she will never stop loving.

If you ever find someone
Who cares for you as I did,
Do not push her away.
Selfless people are hard to find.

If  you ever find someone
Who trusts you as I did,
Do not betray her.
Trust is not so easily glued together
Like broken plates.

If you ever find someone
Who cries as many tears
As I did because of you,
Do not hurt her.
Tears quickly dry up and disappear
But scars often do not.

If you ever find someone
Who spent every moment thinking of you,
Do  not make her think you're doing the same.
Such betrayal is of the deepest,
Most painful kind.

If you ever find someone
Who loves you as much as I did,
Do not play with her heart.
Hearts are not easily mended
Hearts are not easily healed
Especially hearts that were given unreservedly.

She loved sunsets, she had told him.
So he took her hand
and led her to a mountaintop.
There they stood side by side,
basking in the soft warm light of the setting sun.
She watched,
enchanted at the beauty of it all.
"I have never seen anything so beautiful,"
she said,
her eyes sparkling
and changing color with the light.
He turned and looked at her,
watched her
the way she watched the sun,
and then said,
"Neither have I."