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154 · Nov 2020
Another Way To Be
SiouxF Nov 2020
I’ve been through such deep seated pain for so long,
Like a knife to the heart being twisted and dug in deeper each day,
For 50 long years,
Like a glutton for punishment
Going back for more.
It’s taking time to know and understand there’s another way to be,
For my many wounds to heal,
For my barbs to soften,
For my defences to disintegrate,
And for my heart to fully open up and let love in
Unconditionally.
149 · Nov 2023
I’m Ready
SiouxF Nov 2023
I’m ready to release the shackles
That have bound my wings,
And rise like the phoenix
From the fires of hell
To unseen,
Dared to hope for,
Possibilities anew
146 · Aug 2020
Poetry
SiouxF Aug 2020
Poems
are power,
They speak to the soul
From the soul,
Messages
From the unconscious
To the conscious.
Like dreams
Laying you bare open
Exposing your vulnerabilities, hopes and dreams
And your soul’s desire,
Leaving you lying naked on your back
Tied to a stone slab
Spotlight in your eyes
Glimpse of a knife,
Exposed,
Vulnerable,
Nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide
146 · Jul 2022
Why?
SiouxF Jul 2022
Rather than grabbing the proffered hand of help
To climb out of the deep dark hole
I have dug for myself,
Why oh why
Am I so determined
To drag him in with me instead?
146 · Mar 2021
Transient Thoughts
SiouxF Mar 2021
Thoughts are fleeting,
You can change
them in an instant.
Thoughts are discretionary,
You can choose
If your glass is full or empty.
Be brave and
Take responsibility for
Your beliefs,
Your thoughts,
Your feelings,
Your success,
Your life.
Change them
If they’re not how you want them to be,
If you’re not happy,
Discontented,
If life isn’t working,
For choice is the key
To a successful life well lived
146 · Nov 2020
Faith
SiouxF Nov 2020
As human beings
We need to believe in something,
Otherwise we drift through life
Purposelessly
Aimlessly
Hopelessly
Not reaching our potential,
For we are all here to help one another
To lift each other up
To support and guide and care.
Without faith and belief
We feel disconnected
Lost
Hopeless
Lonely,
Our ego and self absorption
Hiding us from the truth,
Our truth,
Increasing separation
Anxiety
And discombobulation,
Rather than connection
Purpose
And Oneness
With all living things.
What to believe in is up to you and based on your culture and what you’ve been told,
Though be careful of man made religion designed to control according to human narrative,
But God is a good starting point.
A higher being connecting all of us through love not fear,
Who is always there for us
In love, compassion and forgiveness
No matter who we are or what we do
We only need to ask and invite Him in.
145 · Dec 2021
What’s Important
SiouxF Dec 2021
What’s important is Today,
Not what went before,
Or what may happen,
Don’t waste your time on these imposters both.
143 · Jan 2021
It’s All Made Up
SiouxF Jan 2021
It’s all meaningless.
It’s all made up.
It’s not reality.
Whichever thoughts and feelings you choose,
Positive
Negative
Fear
Love
None of it is real,
Because you can change it in an instant,
But we make it so,
So choose wisely
For your path will be
More or less smooth, and
Yours and others’ journeys
Easier or more painful to bear
Depending on which you select,
So why not enjoy the ride
143 · Feb 2021
Forgiven?
SiouxF Feb 2021
Forgiven
But Not Forgotten
Can be a hard one to swallow
Whether you’re the giver
Or the receiver
139 · Aug 2020
And Breathe...
SiouxF Aug 2020
I breathe in & my body relaxes
I breathe out & I let go
I breathe in & my body is calm
I breathe out & I smile
139 · Sep 2020
You Are Not Your Past
SiouxF Sep 2020
I’m still here.
I’m still alive.
What happened,
Doesn’t change who I am.
I’ve been living in
My uncomfortable comfort zone
It’s just what I’m used to
Its familiar
But now I’m ready
To step outside
And to be an active participant
In my life
A protagonist
With all my passions and desires
And to live my life
With intent
And with
Love
136 · Feb 2021
Soar
SiouxF Feb 2021
I am humbled by your presence Lord,
Thank you
For revealing yourself to me
And showing me,
Even in times of pain and adversity
That encapsulated my life,
On reflection
You were always there
Always protecting
Always looking after me
Just waiting
Till I was ready to acknowledge You in my life,
And realise I have the strength
To rise above these demons and devilish thoughts
Wanting to drag me back into the abyss
To my comfort zone of familiarity,
But no place for me anymore,
I now choose to release myself from these shackles
And bird cage of a prison
For the door is open
And I now choose to soar
And rejoice in the glory that comes
From accepting You in my life
132 · Mar 2021
My Poetry
SiouxF Mar 2021
Torn,
Bloodied,
Raw,
Exposed,
Vulnerable,
Open,
Heartfelt
Poetry,­
And emotions,
Derived from a life
Lived at the sharp end
130 · Aug 2020
Who Do You See?
SiouxF Aug 2020
Look at yourself in the mirror
Truly see.
Look in your eye
Hold the gaze
And breathe in what’s there.
What do you see?
Who do you see?
Who’s the woman in the mirror?

Acknowledge who’s there.  
Accept who’s there.  
Love who’s there.
The woman staring back from the mirror.
Give thanks and
Gratitude,
For all that woman has been through.
For all that she has suffered.
For all that she has overcome.
For all that she is.
For all that she has become.
For all that she will be.
A fierce woman
Standing in her power.
For that is you.
That is your strength.
That is your power.
And that is your future.
130 · Jan 2021
The Candle
SiouxF Jan 2021
Candle burning bright
Lights up the space
With a soft golden glow
Scaring the shadows away,
Its flame dancing with the joy
Of being alive,
Offering much needed
Hope,
Lightness, and
Freedom
To all those who seek.
129 · Aug 2020
Thank You
SiouxF Aug 2020
Thank you
From the bottom of my heart
For being there
For being by my side
For being so strong
For lending me your strength
For allowing me to lean on you
Through these temporary yet troubled storms
Once crushed by others
But now of my causing
And my choice to cease
When I remember to
Rise above, easily and consistently

Thank you
For believing in me
For truly believing in me
For supporting me
No matter what
In spite and because of my many dementors
Who, with your help, I am kicking into touch!

Thank you
For caring
For sharing
For giving me so much of your time
For showing me there’s another way
For showing me the way

Thank you
For being there

Thank you
For being you

My heartfelt thanks and gratitude
As the mists begin to clear
And the dawning of a new age beckons.....
128 · Oct 2020
Thank You
SiouxF Oct 2020
All that’s needed
Is two little words of
Thoughtful appreciation
And
Acknowledgement
To show that you noticed
That I took the time to care.
So valued in their receiving
And so excruciatingly lacking  
In their absence

Or is that just me?
127 · Apr 2021
Dawn
SiouxF Apr 2021
Finally,
Dawn beckons,
The veil of darkness and
Blanket of nightmares recede,
Feathered dawn chorus,
Fresh morning dew,
Sun peering over the horizon,
Shiny rosy sun kissed glow,
Bringing light, hope, joy,
To all who believe.
127 · Nov 2020
The Edge
SiouxF Nov 2020
“The edge is not the limit....
It's only the starting point!”
You shout as you hurl yourself off the cliff
Into the unknown,
No need to be fearful of the unexplored,
No need to hold yourself back no more,
For the unknown is where the joy and adventure is,
Where hidden delights and pleasure  
And hitherto unrevealed love and kindness
Are patiently waiting for you
To take that leap of faith
And to welcome you
Into the unknown
Into the bliss
126 · Nov 2020
What’s Wrong With You?
SiouxF Nov 2020
‘What’s wrong with you?’
Was the bane of my childhood.
Without waiting for my answer,
Accused
Judged
Found lacking
And sentenced
Without me even uttering a word in my defence
Other than protestations of unfairness and injustice,
All swept aside and ignored
For my voice carried no weight or import.
Then punished whether guilty or not.
And even now still hung, drawn and quartered without my side of the story being heard or even asked.
Judged
Found guilty
And sentenced
In absentia.
When what I need now is a supportive
‘What happened to you?’
With empathy
With compassion
And a gentle caring ear
126 · Jan 2021
The Bedouin
SiouxF Jan 2021
He noticed her as soon as she glided purposefully, yet gracefully, in to the centre of the extravagant feast, her elegant wrists and ankles adorned with tinkling bells and colourful ribbons, her vivid costume embroidered with decorative beads, sequins and coins.

The men were gorging on the remains of the sheep’s head which had been slaughtered, as was the custom, to celebrate the successful return of the sheikh from his latest raiding expedition.  The silver trays laden with sumptuous dates, grapes, almonds and watermelons.  The camel hair tent covered with exotic, lavish furs to keep the bracing desert winds at bay.

The desert dweller was hosting important guests from a nearby clan, keenly trading news and enthusiastically discussing the breeding of his famed Arabic stallion.  Yet his conversation ceased mid-flow, the words left hanging in the air, enthralled and captivated from his first glance of her.  Her elegant ****** features, high cheek bones, blood red luscious lips, and jet black hair, she was striking to all who gazed upon her.

"I must have her" he muttered under his breath, even as his four wives and six concubines were waiting in the wings to pander to his every need, anticipating which one would receive his undivided attention tonight.  However, they all paled into insignificance next to this manna from heaven, this visceral feast upon the senses.  Though this did not pass unnoticed under the watchful scornful eyes of wife number one.

The haunting Arabic music began.  The opulent dancer moved slowly at first interpreting her emotive gestures to the sound of the three-string rebab, coyly, coquettishly, teasingly.  Yet, she was anything but coy.  You could sense her wildness, her passion, her animalistic instincts simmering under the surface. She was untamed, and determined to remain so, yet aware of her allure on the hot blooded males.

The Bedouin stared at her, could not take his eyes off her, just as she captivated them all with her beguiling beauty while weaving her magic throughout the room.  All but one that is.

The mesmerising melody picked up, her hips shimmying to the Badawi beat, skirt tassels swirling, slender arms accentuating evocative gestures, creating sensuous shapes, texture and depth to the melodic mystery unfolding before them.

As the music paused so did she, directly in front of him as he reclined on the cushions, defiantly, passionately staring straight into his eyes, as she grabbed his just refilled wine goblet.  He watched the droplets enticingly trickle down her exquisitely defined chin as she devoured it in one, and ached to kiss those ruby red lips.

And with that she was off again, twirling and swirling, twisting and circling, tossing her head in synch with the frenzied beat, holding the whole room in the hypnotic palm of her hand.  The stirring rhythm rose to a crescendo and so did she, spinning mesmerisingly round and round, heart thumping, wild eyes blazing, and as the last beat of the darbuka sounded and faded away, she paused one last time, and so did the breath of everyone present, enchanted as they were with her captivating spellbinding performance.  Only he noticed the fear in her eyes, the pallor of her skin, the tiny beads of sweat above her top lip, as she slid silently yet elegantly to the floor.  Everyone was on their feet, applauding madly, demanding an encore, while he rushed over and held her in his muscular arms.  "My love" he whispered, passionately kissing her and thanking her for that all too fleeting moment of pleasure, ecstasy and bliss.  Too late.  Her last precious breath ebbed away from her forever.  Unknowingly, unwittingly, her life for his life with that one innocent sip of wine.

He was incensed.  His unfulfilled lust transformed into outright fury and rage.  His animated roar "I will find you, whoever you are and avenge her.  An eye for an eye.  You will not rest easy in your bed until you have a dagger through your heart" ringing in the perpetrator's ears as she, hidden in the shadows, slinked away silently into the cold dark night.
I appreciate this is a poetry site, but I have committed to sharing my creativity journey, and this prose definitely fits into that.
Inspiration often comes to me in the middle of the night, and I wrote this just before Christmas 7 years ago, when I was suffering from flu and unable to sleep. I wasn’t very creative at that stage having never written anything since school, but inspiration came when least expected and the words started to tumble out from nowhere.
I grabbed my iPhone. Hurrah for technology and not having to turn the lights on!
This is what I created that night, almost verbatim from its first inception, other than to check factual accuracy and to descriptively embellish it. I hope you enjoy it.
125 · Aug 2020
Coldrum Stones
SiouxF Aug 2020
Long since hence these stones be here,
We know not who, what, when or why,
But ancient they sure be,
with their
Power, symbolism and magic
For offer
to all those
with gift to see.

Ignore the disrespect
from the treasure seekers and tourists,
Instead sit,
And stare,
And soak up the
ancient magic and wisdom
From this mystical place.
Rising up from the ground  
Wrapping you lovingly in its sweet embrace.

Note the brightly coloured tree in pride of place.
Tie a coloured ribbon round your body ill,
Then round the branch of the hornbeam tree,
For it will disappear before the next full moon,
Many a truth be told.

Gaze out at North Downs view,
Reminiscent of pilgrims past,
For many a footprint upon footprint lay there,
With many a tale told,
And yet to be told.
It took me a long time to post this, my fourth poem, because it feels really ******, impersonal and unfinished. I never received critique from my mentor, but as it was restricting me not being able to post on here, (as I have committed to sharing my poetry journey), I thought I would just go ahead and share, warts and all. Please be kind! ;-)
SiouxF Mar 2021
Men look to solve problems
Hoping to be the knight in shining armour
Even when there’s none to be resolved.
Women like to talk over their problems
For it is in the sharing they come to their own conclusion.
Two different approaches
Too different mindsets
And ne’re the twain shall meet.
122 · Aug 2020
Freedom
SiouxF Aug 2020
I am free now
I let go of old memories no longer serving me
I overwrite old habits holding me back
My future is of my choosing
I am free now
And of such unforeseen immense worth and power
You’d better watch out!
121 · Apr 2021
Ditch
SiouxF Apr 2021
Keep falling back
Into the hole,
That abyss of despondency and despair,
Until the straw breaks the proverbial camel’s back,
This time vino the cause.
Come morning,
You realise ....
Too late.
Life’s changed.
Will never be the same again.
That most important and precious to you
Has gone.....
You are alone once more
To wallow in that ***** ditch to your heart’s content
119 · Aug 2020
Talk
SiouxF Aug 2020
I just want to talk to you
Mind to mind
Heart to heart
Soul to soul
Honestly
Truthfully
Respectfully
And with love

But I don’t know how

Yet
119 · Oct 2020
It’s My Life
SiouxF Oct 2020
It’s my life
I choose how I live it
According to my values
And my gut
My Life
My choice
My consequences
It’s up to me now
And not you
Any more
That’s my freedom
118 · Apr 2021
Erroneous Thoughts
SiouxF Apr 2021
Erroneous thoughts
Catch you unaware,
Appearing in your mind
Suddenly,
From nowhere,
Feeling so real,
Like a great truth,
An inspired idea,
A revelation.
Always remember,
If it’s negative,
Doesn’t make you feel good,
Detrimental to you or another,
It’s an attack,
A ruse,
A plant from the devil.
Begone! say you,
And draw deep on the well of love within you
To overcome,
Time after time after time,
Until that ole brute
Gets bored and moves on
To pastures new.
117 · Feb 2021
Fly
SiouxF Feb 2021
Fly
Look up
Rise up
Spread your wings
And fly once again
To the heights you are destined
So you can light the way
And inspire those who come after you
And show there is life
After the abyss
116 · Oct 2020
Blinkers Off
SiouxF Oct 2020
Disempowering
Negative
Malicious
Beliefs from him
Imprinted onto me
Manipulating and controlling me
Blinkering me from the truth
Leading me down rabbit holes of lies, confusion and brain fog
For years and years
Leading to defensiveness,
Aggression
Unhappiness
Sadness
Denial of my true self
And my qualities and passions,
Keeping me playing small
Insignificant
Unworthy
Undeserving,
All because he was afraid
Of my greatness
And my strength.
*******!
Blinkers off!
They weren’t my beliefs!
None of it was true!
They were lies!
Letting go
Of this distorted perception of self
To enter into a deeper understanding of who I am
What I stand for
And to embrace and
Love and
Accept
All of me
As I am
116 · Jul 2021
Disappointment
SiouxF Jul 2021
Knowing I disappoint someone
Who believed in me before
Cuts to the core
Disappointment regret sadness shame
115 · Aug 2021
You Only Stayed Because....
SiouxF Aug 2021
You only stayed because
God wanted you to,
Forcing you to stay
Against your will,
By choice you’d be gone,
You’d have run far away,
Because of who I am
And what I do
😢

But by the grace of God
You are still here
Still believing in me,
Still supporting me,
Still empowering me
Helping me unfurl my wings
And not just to fly,
But to soar.
🦅
114 · Oct 2020
Pearl
SiouxF Oct 2020
Scared
Of my feelings
My passion
My joie de vie
Trampled and caged and abused for so long
Knowing it’s time
For the oyster shell to open up
And reveal the stunning pearl inside
Born from grit and uncomfortableness.
Knowing it’s time
To accept my fate
To embrace all that is and
Allow myself to experience
True passion
True connection
True love
114 · Aug 2020
I Have Something To Say
SiouxF Aug 2020
Here I am, 2:42 in the morning,
My becoming usual, reawakening
creativity time for
self expression,
honesty and
truth.
The time for my heart, my soul, my vulnerability,
for all that is true,
Often hidden during the day,
Surrounded by a 12 foot high wall,
To open up
To rise up
To shout from the rooftops
I will be heard
I do have a voice
And I have something to say
An awareness that I have something to say, but still not yet sure what
112 · Feb 2021
Slow Down
SiouxF Feb 2021
Slow down for God’s sake,
Your mind,
Your thoughts,
Your actions,
Notice that around you,
Hear the birds sing,
Smell the roses by the roadside,
Pick up on clues and contrails,
Listen and learn,
Hear first, speak second,
We have two ears and one mouth for a reason,
Do this now,
Before it’s too late
108 · Aug 2020
Freefall
SiouxF Aug 2020
Falling
Plummeting
Whole world’s upside down.
What is up?
What is down?
What is truth?
What is untruth?
What is real?
What is unreal?

Eyes wide open
With no time to prepare
Taken by surprise
By this expansion in consciousness,
In shock
Mind blown
Everything making sense
And no sense at all

Our reality is what we say it is,
What we choose it to be.
Our words shape our lives
And our futures

But sometimes mine get all mixed up and confused and overwhelming
In this jumbled mind of mine
Now blown wide open
With nothing I can do
Except absorb and assimilate
And be,
Get my brain and jumbled mass of thoughts out the way
Zone out
Watch movies
Don’t think
Just write words as they come
Don’t analyse
Or read back
For it does not need to make sense
It may never make sense what you wrote
But get the words out of your head
To stop them going round and round
Keeping me chained to what is, yet what is not, at the same time
No judgement
No convention and societal rules
Just go with the flow
And see what happens
Unbidden
Un baggaged
Until I am ready to go out into the world again
But this time
With awareness
Of my vulnerability
And my power
And my strength
108 · Dec 2020
Certainty
SiouxF Dec 2020
Falling through your fingers like sand,
Even though highly treasured
For its beauty, care and grace,
It is no much yours
As is the raging sea.

The only certainty
Is God,
For those who believe of course,
And death of this mortal coil
With all its suffering.

Awaiting the
Return of the rising sun
The glory of Jesus,
And to be welcomed
Into the warm embrace

Of my one and only saviour.
Only he can release me
From this relentless toil
And pain
And hard fought lessons of life
107 · Aug 2020
Breathe
SiouxF Aug 2020
Learning
To
Breathe
Again
Slowly
Shallow
At
First
But
Progress
Little
By
Little
Step
By
Step
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