Neon moments in life,
Flickering like amber shades.
Like dancing shadows on beige walls.
Transient memories of life,
Slipping like sand from fingers.
When you exit the movie hall after watching an exhilarating movie,
Feeling that your life has changed.
Your last day of school.
You were crying,
screaming and throwing up.
Or watching the stars glow from an urban rooftop,
the cars and people below moving like ants,
Citylights that  outshine the skies.
Walking home alone late at night through the suburbs, rethinking your life choices.
The first time your mother held your hand and cried.
The first time you smoked with your friends
secretly in the woods, feeling guilty later on.
Getting ready for the  farewell party of your  high school,
Your sister was doing your makeup.
The first time they painted your lips
With beautiful brush strokes, you were covered in sin.
I know while reading these words,
you all feel breathless.
As if the images are moving too fast
On a projector screen.
But that's life.
Nostalgia that lingers on,
It's fingers choking with a sweet melody.

I lie
and
I lie
and
I lie

I hide my behavior
to keep you safe.

I keep quiet
not to offend you.

I agree with you
to keep you happy.

I walk on eggshells
for you and
it’s never enough.

I lie
and
I lie
and
I lie

but when the truth
arrives at that
final moment;

jaws will drop
plates will shatter
dogs will growl

and
you’ll be long gone
after seeing what
a ghastly beast
I am

but for now

I lie
and
I lie
and
I lie

to keep us
together.

the best fishing trip to the cabin
and we never went fishing,

a torrential down pour.

it rained for 3 days, the electricity

went out and we had charcoal, barbecued
on the porch.

a candle and a lantern.
there were batteries and a radio.

we smoked a joint,
drank beer and we talked
about the the stars
and the care and release of fish.

listened to music...


...an hour before sunrise
I took my fishing pole
and headed down to the river
where the ripples and rapids
mimic modern life

sunrise lit the sky on fire
and slowly off the river the mist rose

mingled into sky

and I spread my brother's ashes in the river
and every river flows to the sea.

(love you, Dean)