I
h
a
v
e
f
e
e
l
i
n
g
s
that
form
thou
ghts,
that
form
words,
that          form
sente            ­     nces,
that                       form
rope,                         which
ties                               itself
into a                            noose.
Your                         ­     words
are also                    a rope,
that saves me from
drowning.

i used to think myself immortal.

see, i grew up spanish next to english
and the only nouns left genderless
were ones i didn't know to say.

so i'd look at empty sky
(not el cielo, not with nothing to hold)
and tell my friends it was me up there.

you: imagine the god-named planetas.
i was the backdrop to their orbits,
not bound to el fondo, but more than words.

now i know el abismo is beyond me
but the only genderless thing i knew
was so deep i'd drown just looking.

now i know the word agender
but remember:

before i was this
i was infinite.

she is a dream that wakes you up desperate to return to sleep

so as to feel her again, so as to be lured in irrevocably deep

she is as a dragon is when unconscious on the ground

harmless in speculation, not moving, just a heaping mound

stay wary lest she strike with her closed jaws that ache to bite

you will bleed then thank her lavishly with the foundations of your might

for even sparing you the smallest slice of pain from her sculptured lips

for even giving you the privilege of her attention in small strips

she is my dream, she is my glory, it is my spirit she has caught

and i will always be naught but her ever fleeting thought

I know my love isn't easy-
It's not wrapped in a neat little box-
Or tied with a sparkly bow-
No-my love is fire-
It's Lightening and Thunder-
It will eat you alive-
My love will grab your soul-
and hold it tight-
But I promise you this-
You will never want to let it go-
Because-
Let's face it-people like us-
Are always drawn to the flame-

What if dying isn't death

If when we leave this world…


The weight of it is simply off our chest

When we take that final breath

We live the most memorable of moments all over again

But this time…


We’re at our best


What if only the best of memories replay

All the sadness,

The shame,

The madness

The blame and the anguish…


What if they’re cast away

What if it's like waking up to not just another day

If only the happiness is the feeling that stays


What if…

Death is truly the end of all pain

If love is all we retain


What if…

The night sky…


And all the stars from above

Is all that remains


But...

I’m wondering about those stars

They too some day die

So…

What if we’re like stars…


We only shine bright when alive

Just a small light in a vast world that one day burns out…


What if the weight of the world’s what living life’s all about

All the people,

The places,

The sorrow and joyous filled faces…

  

Each of our books of life and their;

Some better,

Some worse but…


Still lively filled pages…


Are what leaves those we leave behind with heartbreak and…


Sorrow filled grievance…


What if our memory is truly all that's left when we pass into the unknown

An empty bed in a place we once called our home

A place where in our old age we had grown…



What if our lasting legacy is only the moments in which we shared an experience

If...

The wisdom,

The kindness,

And the hard work filled progress…


Is all we leave behind

If we only leave what we project into those empty filled spaces

In our loved ones' hearts and loved ones' minds…


I wonder what I'll see when I'm staring up at the ceiling or sky…


Somewhere down the line…

Life hanging by a thread

Watching the story of my life as it flashes by...


Will there be regrets,


Goals never met,


Things never said,


Thoughts trapped in my head…

Or...

Will I be able to say

I did all that I could

Willing to die without needing to lie…


T o  m y s e l f


What if…


The money we made


The status we gained


The list of the people we blame

For the shame on our name…


If none of that ever really matters when our…


Book of life comes to an end…


What if

It was only ever about the mark on everyone's hearts we ingrained


If like stars we burn out but…


Just burn out much faster

The difference for us is…


No tomorrow can be guaranteed


If...

This life…

Was the only book you could write

If tomorrow was your final chapter…


Can you say your book of life was the best it could be


Like only the greatest of books

When they end...

They leave the world with sadness and grief

With…

Wonderment and pure disbelief

If your life was the best it could be

Can you close your eyes

Fall into that endless sleep

Feel your heart's final beat

Come to a close as you cease to breath


And go satisfied…


K n o w i n g   y o u r   b o o k   o f   l i f e ' s   w o r t h   t h e   r e a d