You tell me
I’m not that skinny
My BMI tells me
I’m way too skinny
You tell me
My waist isn’t that small
The internet tells me
My waist is small enough for modeling
You tell me
Everyone has size 2
Research tells me
The average size is size 12
You tell me
I’m not enough
Yet too much

I tell myself
I’m not enough
Yet too much.

they say
death
is a certainty.

they're right.

i'm not
living;
i'm waiting,

full of fear,
i'm waiting
for the next call.

who will be next?

“just friends”
two simple words
that shattered everything
from my heart
to our future

i trusted you
gave you my fragile heart
please be careful, i begged
you promised me you would
but then you let those two words
escape from your lips

they were said so carelessly
as if they weren’t going to break me
and cause a heartache
my eternal doom

promises mean nothing
they are only make believe
empty words to ignore the heartbreak
that can’t be ignored
the pain is inevitable

you gave me back my heart
so damaged it was beyond repair
forgetting one important thing:
one cannot live
without a heart to love

“just friends”
two simple words
but coming from the right person
those two words are
fatal.

You’re the forest
in which I
wander, and I
get lost

You, me
us.
It reminds me of
driving with my
mom, we always
get lost.

Together, but also
alone, I
get lost

You take the map
from my hands,
no navigation
you won’t allow
any guidance;

and alone, I
get lost

In you, me
in us.

you say you
need space;
but you are
my space.

you are all the stars
in my night sky,
the moon
that i look at every night,
and you are
all of the planets
in my galaxy.

so how am i
supposed to give you
space?
the whole sky will come
crashing down
on me.

they throw
their expectations at
me, as if
they were
a ball.

i've never been good at catching.

the numbers on the scale
they define my worth
and right now, my worth adds up
to exactly
zero.

those numbers need to drop
until i am gone
annihilated
erased from this earth and from history
there is no "skinny enough"

i can't give in
i need to reach
that sick, sick goal weight
though i already know
anorexia won't be satisfied
because there is no "skinny enough"

the ideal weight
is exactly
zero.

you are with me
within me
every second
of every day

every time
i close my eyes
i see you

kissing her
just like you kissed me

loving her
just like you loved me

being all hers
just like you were all mine

back when
i was enough.

Tomorrow
When you wake up
It will all
Start to
Come back
Again

And you’ll have to relive
Every.
Single.
Moment.
You spent together.