you don’t realize
how much you’ve lost
until you are looking at photographs
of people long past
and memories of better times
there comes a quiet ache
that tugs at your heartstrings
and says “remember when?”
then comes the mourning
of what can not be
again

Esther Krenzin

we are fish out of water
landlocked somewhere
we’d rather not be
and it is our own hands
that sew our gills shut
so that we cannot
b r e a t h e

Esther Krenzin

love is a desperate plunge
into the unknown
it is baring the softest parts
of yourself
in trust they won’t be abused
it may be the most reckless act
to love someone so completely
you forget you were whole
before they came along

Esther Krenzin

i blinked
and years passed on their own
abandoning me
goodbyes still lingering on
lips dusted in salt
dredges of memory
are all that remain of
such a fragile dream
but even dreams can quickly turn
to nightmares
haunting and taunting
with what could have been
in a time so long ago

even  after i’ve laid it to rest
buried it beneath earthy soil
and cut it from my lungs
a whisper remains in my veins
working it’s way
to the beat within my rib cage
“i’m still here, i’m still here”
it murmurs
blanketing my eyes
until all i can see
is what could have been

Esther Krenzin

it is a slow awakening
that i crave
i thought i wanted you to fill me
with understanding
but lord, treat me with care
touch me in small ways
i know i have built a dam
to keep you out
but i have been drowning for so long
that i cannot tell help
from harm

Esther Krenzin

i cried rivers of salt
thinking it would change things
that perhaps they would hear
and comfort me
in the end nothing changed but my
expectations
i no longer expected good from people
who had no good left to give.

Esther Krenzin

you thought it wouldn’t hurt anymore
it wasn’t supposed to
when they took advantage of you again
or stabbed you in the back
but no matter how many times you built up your wall
it was never thick enough to stop the knife

-Esther Krenzin