punched a wall until my knuckles were blue
cut my thighs until they dripped red
smoked my lungs black to match my heart

and yet I still looked fine to you

your horoscope compared you to the sunrise
it may seem dumb, but i think it's true
you are the most beautiful thing that I could
aspire to wake up to

all the beautiful words have already been spoken
all the good hearts have already been broken
~
maybe that's why the rhymes come to us
and we build ourself back up from the dust

Why do we live like this?
Can we even call it living?
Teeth bared at the demons we cannot fight
Howling at the moon with our eyes closed
Don't you get that we are wolves now?
Starved for happiness
This is the people we've become
Dragging our maimed limbs through the darkness
Searching for the promised land

Last spring we uncovered our souls
And you became a part of me
Your laugh, you smile, your smell
All of it mingling with the season

But spring it passed and flowers grew
Just as I grew apart from you
Though I don't see your face any more
I think of you with the season's return

and i would light fires
to feel the heat and see the light
i know i cannot be

"Here's something that will make you better"

"Is it more pills?"

I had hoped to see galaxies in your eyes,
I was only reminded of the emptiness of space

I wish I could be happy without having to take pills
I wish I didn't cry when I fall asleep in your arms
I wish I knew how to make you happy, because you deserve it more than I do

I saw you once as I picked out a novel
It was a quiet bookstore and you sat on the floor
Your hair was pale blond like the sun on the snow
Ripped jeans, a shade of blue to match your eyes
You were beautiful, you know. I still think of you now.
What ifs swirling in my mind like an endless storm

Who are you when you've lost
Everything that made you, you?
When your old skin is tossed
Leaving you vulnerable and new
But inside you are is an empty husk
Darkness keeping you from falling apart
Lost sight of who you were at dusk
How will you fill this empty heart?

Oh, tender heart you are not broken
Bearing the weight of words unspoken
Do not give up your beating rhythm
Though my thoughts make you victim

Oh, strong heart, this heart of mine
Despite it all... You're doing just fine

Honey, don't be afraid of fire,
For it burns within you.
It's raging flames consume you
Until you can no longer breathe
Choking on its thick smog
Your lungs turn black as pitch

Don't be afraid of fire, silly.
Feel it consumes you oxygen
It's flames lick at your nostrils
Breathe it in, do not fear
You won't combust, I promise
Lest you are paper thin

I can't say I'll love you forever
I do not wish to lie
My heart cannot promise
Such an unpredictable thing

One moment you're the one
The next, there's a next
Someone to replace you
Though you were perfect

My dear you must know
It's not you who did wrong
I think I'm just broken
And broken things do harm

By the blooms of last spring
Did you fall in love with me
Your love was fast in blossoming
To all was plain to see
And though I kept it hidden
My petals were still shut
For to me love was forbidden
Bloodshed like a deep cut
Darling though I did not love
It is true that I did care
I was barely keeping myself above
Often struggling to breathe air
I knew that I was drowning
So I left you to your flowers
It would lessen my suffering
To the extent of my powers

Little was it known to me
That your blooms were dependent
Without me they could not be
They lacked my amendment
It is sad that all beauty fades
It will always make me frown
A garden grown over the decades
Had turned from green to brown
It was unkept and useless
Soon the whole thing died
As you would later confess
You had too, on the inside
You also fell prey to the waves
That had dragged me far below
And without my meagre saves
You were gone in the undertow
This is what I never wanted
But it happened just the same
This is one wish I was granted
That I wish had never came

I once asked you "What is love?"
You said a feeling like no other
When you would risk your life
Give everything for someone

I know I've felt it before
If only for a brief moment
Because love is but a flash
A moment, a day, a lifetime

It's there so fast
Gone even faster
And what's left for you
But a broken heart

Do you know what strength is my dear?

It's the power to keep fighting what you fear

To surge on when the end is near.

And to freely cry every single tear.

Oh tell me darling what happened to us
From friends to lovers and then to dust
I miss you, you know, when you're not there
I miss little things, like the smell of your hair
Sometimes I still feel the ghost of you
There for a moment to make me wonder who
Who could fill this space you left in my life
The sharp pain of you absence like a cut from a knife

So I sat by the faucet
Till the water ran cold
My thoughts not quite here
All I felt was... Nothing

It's okay, I tell myself.
It's almost over.
My day.
My week.
My year.
My life.
When will I stop anticipating the end?
When can I finally enjoy something?
Please tell me because I need a little hope.

It's snowing outside
But I can't seem to think
Through this jumble of thoughts
All I can do is sink

It's snowing outside
Inside, the furnace's soft hum
I can't feel the heat
My body is numb

It's snowing outside
And although I'm not there
Every breath stings my lungs
Like the cold winter air

It's snowing outside
The tiny flakes fall
So do I, it's the end
And that is all.

Is there an end to all this pain
Or a shining sun after the rain?

Outside I hear the thunder rumble
Inside me, I begin to crumble

I see the dark clouds rolling in
And wonder when did this begin

It doesn't seem to be getting better
But I've gotten used to this bad weather

It seems to me, it will never end
And that my wounds will ever mend

I keep waiting 'till the sky stills
Maybe I should just take a couple pills

Sometimes my feelings are like glass shards, sharp and painful, but mostly they're just sea glass: worn and numb.

The thing about glass is that it's fragile and if you break it, you bleed...